To not want my son joining my dads karate cult?

[YoMrWhiteYall]

My dad is a karate instructor. When I was a child he forced me to learn karate from as early as I remember (there are photos of me doing “stances” as a 3 year old). Once I was old enough I was forced to go to his class where he would shout at me and ridicule me in front of the other students as well as constantly tell me that I was embarrassing him. I HATED karate.
Once my younger brother was old enough to join, he too was enlisted but he actually enjoyed it and my dad saw him as a child karate prodigy, this made things worse for me as I was constantly compared and told to watch my little brother so I knew how it was meant to be done. It was mortifying. I was 13 and he was 8. Then the icing on the cake was my mum was talked into joining too. That meant the 4 of us were out doing karate 3 nights a week and at weekend. I hated it so much and would cry begging them not to make me do it but my dad and brother were obsessed and my mum just went along with it. To make matters worse my dad started letting my little brother “take the class” which of course he relished in and made me do press ups for mistakes constantly. If I didn’t do as he said my dad would go ape shit at me in front of everyone. It was torture.

My mum and brother became black belts and I quit as soon as I was able to.

All 3 of them still do it all these years later, their whole life is ruled by karate. Thankfully I got away, got married and now have a son who is 10. Needless to say I’m constantly nagged about when he will start karate. I’ve said “never” and that I would honestly prefer him to take up taekwondo just to really piss my dad off. DS is starting to show some interest in starting grandads karate school but I can’t face letting him do it. He’s a bully, as is my brother and I don’t want DS involved.

AIBU to not allow it?

There is never a good reason for your child spending time with a bully.

If he's interested find him a class where you are happy with their ethos.

Have a karate fight to decide

Take him to a different Karate class. Be open with your dad and son as to the reasons why and make it clear you are being firm and it is not open for further discussion.

Stick your child in a different club doing something of his choice, miles from your bully.

Abusive behaviour from your parents and your brother when you were clearly distressed about doing karate. Definitely don't let your ds anywhere near them . Take him to a different instructor

Take him to a different karate class. Or a different type of martial arts. Tell him that grandad and uncle aren't very nice when they teach so you've found him a nice teacher.

I think taekwondo would be an excellent choice. My DS loves this

Karate is very stupid. Take him to a krav maga class instead. Much more effective and would definitely annoy your incredibly weird sounding dad.

You are doing the right thing by keeping your child away from a bully.

As a parent, you get to decide. End of.
Sorry you had to go through that.

Absolutely do not allow it! I would be quite blunt. Tell your parents and your son that you don’t mind your son doing a martial art if he likes, but that this particular school has an ethos of bullying and humiling children, that it ruined your childhood, that you absolutely loathe it, and hell will freeze over before you allow it any influence over your son.

Then do some research locally and enroll your son in whatever you like. In particular tell your son that karate is for posers and has little self defence value compared to say krav maga / ju jitsu etc.

Never, but it's a good thing to learn if he's interested. Maybe go watch judo or tae kwondo eg to see how their classes are run.
Tell him grandad wasn't nice to me when he taught me so I'd like you to choose somewhere else.

I'm wondering why there is even contact between your son and your dad / family, he's sounds like an abusive, bullying, vile bastard. If my dad did that, there's no hope in hell he'd be anywhere near my child and sure as shit wouldn't be able to be encouraging him to take up his classes.

I second the idea of allowing your DS to look at martial arts (I use the words loosely, I have very little idea of which are best for self defence etc etc) and let him decide, making sure that your dad has zero involvement.

This sounds like it could be a plot from cobra kai 😆

I was thinking exactly the same 😂

Get him into Judo or BJJ. It's much more fun than Karate and more useful.

BTW, I guarantee that 90% of the other people in your karate class as a child were disgusted by the way your dad behaved, but its hard to stand up to the sensei.

This. If he's interested in karate, let him follow his interests (assuming you can afford the cost of lessons). But take him to a class with a teacher who isn't horrible.

Yeah don’t let him join. I wouldn’t let him join any kind of karate because if his club comes up against your dads …. Shudder

what kind of relationship does your DS have with your family now?

Of course you don’t let him join , why would you ?. Maybe you got a rough deal as you weren’t interested in it unlike your brother but god no .
I’m sorry you went through this but you know the answer no you stand up to bullies your a adult now not that child .I’d bloody well say hell no and say why too .

Teach your son the "crane kick" and then he can beat your brother in the karate championships final.

It's not karate that's the issue, it's the bully's culture in your family and idiots like that will do it over any hobby e.g. football/ teams.

Sign your son up to whatever suits, just not their karate class.

I would say yes to your son doing karate or any martial arts if that is what he wants but I would absolutely not let him join your Dad's dojo.

We removed our son from a karate club that dished out push ups as punishment. Ds was 12 and they forced him into the adult class a year early to free up a space in the children's class. He couldn't do more than 10 push ups which was the usual part of their warm up. As a punishment for a perceived wrong-doing (absolutely did not happen as they implied it did) gave him 30 push ups and when they saw he was struggling told him he wasn't putting in enough effort and gave him another 20.

He had been at their club for 2 years. Never put a foot wrong, won student of the month etc. We felt it was done to humiliate him. We removed him and the manager actually refunded our membership as she agreed the instructor was out of line. We should have reported it but didn't. We moved him to another club which turned out to be much better in all areas, where he proceeded to get black belt. So yes to martial arts but no to a club that treats its students poorly.