To tell dc's dad he can't see her

[user7930]

The father of my child has a history of being very unreliable with regards to contact with our daughter - turns up late (rocked up at my house at almost 9pm last week!) and even didn't turn up on one occasion. Today we arranged for him to come and see her at 1pm. I received a text from him at 7am saying "sorry, I can't make that time. I will come later" I asked what time would he be able to make it and have received no reply, so I am now sitting here with no idea what time he will decide to arrive and as a result have had to put my whole day on hold.

What can I do about this? Would I be unreasonable to just say 'if you cannot stick to the agreed time then we will have to rearrange'? I have given this response before and was accused of being unreasonable and "withholding" his daughter from him

Imo a court would expect you to offer up times that are convenient for you and your dc. They would def not expect you to sit around waiting until he decided to turn up.

Stop that right now!
Send an email offering say Saturday /Sunday /Wednesday tea tiime. Keep records of his timings.

You need to take control of this immediately..

If he can’t turn up at the arranges time (and I don’t mean a 10 min delay due to traffic) then he needs to rearrange. “I’m sorry but if you can’t make the agreed arrangements you’ll need to suggest an alternative and I’ll do my best to meet that”. Then go out!

I would just go out. If he comes, I would message him and say "sorry we've gone out. If you want us to be in when you come, you need to arrange a time in advance like most averagely considerate people manage to do".

@Goldbar - this is a good option.

But YANBU at all.

If he doesn’t turn up at a mutually arranged time, message to say you’re going out and crack on with your day. That way, you aren’t withholding contact (is it court ordered?) but you’re not relying on him to come later.