Should I say something to ex narcissist and his mother

[Gossipxox]

This is probably going to be a bit long winded.. so almost 3 years ago I came out of a long term relationship of 8 years (no children) with a complete narcissist! One day I’d had enough of his shit and left and never looked back. Despite attempts of him trying to contact me I changed my number and cut all ties with him and his family.. however I had a flat in the next street up from him, he knew where I lived and I knew I would need to move eventually.

Anyways, only family and close friends know some of what he put me through not even the extent of it, here are a few examples:
he stamped on my face (in which he ended up going to court for, and his mam begged me not to pursue it) he hit me with a golf club, cracked my ribs, split my head open, spat in my face, broke numerous phones I had - I wasn’t allowed to take my phone to his house, I was uncontactable while I was there! My parents used to be ill with worry.. anyway the list is endless regarding his behaviour towards me throughout them 8 years. Along with the constant name calling, threats, financial abuse and coercive control. I was terrified to leave and when I did the only thing he did was egg my windows 🤣 however I have ptsd and suffer with anxiety and those 8 years really impacted my mental health.. I sought advice from a women’s charity and have seen a psychologist to help me process everything.
Recently a friend had been speaking to one of his relatives who mentioned that the narcissist and his mother had said he only stayed with me cos I was possessive and he needed someone to help him with his Universal credit claim, I’m fuming! And more to the point his mother knows exactly what he’s like and the shit he put me through when I used to ring her when he’d been using me as a punching bag. I see her occasionally in passing and although I don’t really want to engage with her I keep things civil but I honestly feel like telling her to fuck off and give her a piece of mind when I do see her.

Im not longer scared of him or his family and I’ve moved on and just had a baby and have an amazing partner but I just feel so pissed off. Should I say something or let it go? I mean I’m not going to go out of my way to say anything but if I see either of them should I mention it, even though I’ve moved on?

Yabu - don’t bother mentioning it.
Yanbu - mention it.

You should delete this post and never think or mention him again

The best revenge is living well without him. You won't change her warped thought process, you'll only end up trying yourself up in knots if you try and talk to her about it. Move on and be glad you're free of him.

For your own health, mental health and safety just leave it. You know the truth.

Let it go. You will drive yourself mad if you expect them to tell the truth.

Let the bastard and the woman that spawned him, fuck off into hell, and never think of them again.

Stay away. A narc will attempt to use any contact for his own advantage.

Thanks everyone I knew deep down mentioning something would not be a good idea. It’s just pissing me off the fact after all this time he’s still managed to get under my skin. Piece of shit!

To make you look bad he has to lie

to make HIM look bad, all you need to do is tell the truth.

think this to yourself and you will grow even stronger. He will always be a sad little abusive prick

The problem here is the narc and his mother genuinely believe their own lies and think they've done nothing wrong. In his mind you were possessive and in the wrong, because that's what he's told himself. We all know it's nonsense and it's frustrating as hell when they spout lies about you to people.

All you can do is stay no contact. You will only end up frustrating yourself if you say something to them and they will love watching you "prove" (in their warped heads) how "crazy" you are.

Leave it and be ecstatic that you’re out of a shockingly violent relationship. He doesn’t sound narcissistic, just abusive and violent and a really nasty arsehole.

I get this completely. Its been 6 years since I've had any contact with my ex narc and it took along time to get over the situation, and thats with having a relationship since then too.

But be rest assured he doesn't get under my skin anymore, and in time neither will yours. I had a fb stalk last week actually of various people and the narc was one of them as he appeared on someons friends list. I just laughed because I now see him as pathetic and sad and I just don't hold any emotion in any form anymore. You'll get there x

Absolutely this 👌🏼 Thank you!

Believe it or not the abuse mentioned was just a snippet of his behaviour. He put on a great show like he was gods gift and couldn’t do a thing wrong. He’s many other other things and a narcissist being one of them.

Jesus no . Don't give those monsters oxygen

Thank you! I have no interest in his life I just hope he doesn’t treat another woman the same as he treat me.

I hope karma bites him in the arse.

Tbh there has been a few things over the years and I’ve never bit, I’ve just laughed. Must have nothing better to do.

Absolutely.
Are you mad?
Step away.

Thank you for this! And I’m glad you’ve moved on to. Xox

From my experience, no. There is nothing to be gained and if you truly have a narcissistic ex then this will just fan the flames and show that he still has power over you.

Grey rock is your friend. You know the truth and nothing you could ever say or do will ever change your ex’s perspective. Move forward and be glad that you’re free of him.

Mine doesn't even have a name. They don't deserve a name. If I have to refer to him it's by a name such as "dickhead" (I won't reveal real nickname incase I'm outed in here.)

Good that you haven't bitten since to their prods. It'd only open up new communication of abuse for you to have to work through and these things can easily snowball. Your silence is a response and speaks a thousand more words to people then there smear campaign does.

I’m in a similar situation @Gossipxox and desperate to clear myself of the blame for the breakdown of our marriage … my ex was emotionally abusive rather than physical like yours - but @MzHz post is really helpful; I also have DC to think about, and much as I want to shame my ex and his mother who has believed every lying word he’s said, I’ve come to the conclusion that it might rebound on the kids…so I’m keeping schtum…hard as it is.

lets just get on and live good and happy lives, as a PP says, it’s the best revenge.

Every time you think of him - he’s won.
Every time you speak to his mum - he’s won.
Every time you speak his name - he’s won.

Cut him out of your head.
Concentrate on your new life.
Grow and flourish without the shackles of him & his dysfunction.

Do not dredge this up after 3 years.

His mothers always going to bat on his side.

Best revenge is living well.

The only person you should be speaking to about this is any other woman who enters into a relationship with him. As no-one else should ever have to suffer from this so-called man.

Do not even acknowledge his existence.

Anything you say or do will just be used against you. People like him have zero empathy and remorse, so calling him out on any behaviour will have no effect on him. You will only be giving the power back to him.

You have the upper hand now and in a happy place. He will always be a miserable so and so who has to live with being himself.

Unfortunately a woman who gets into a relationship with him will believe his lies and any attempts from the OP to talk to her will be seen as "the crazy jealous ex" trying to turn a new love against him. Unfortunately that's the fucked up cycle