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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being an extravert who never gets to go out!

7 replies

drspouse · 21/08/2022 12:17

First World problems and all that but I do get a lot of energy from being with other people- always have.
I had several moves in my 20s/30s, then ended up in DH home area. He's quite a home body but I joined choirs and craft groups etc, and people assured me I'd make mum friends but then we struggled to have DCs. We now have two lovely DCs who are adopted but all the school gate friends I made with DS fell away when he was forced out of his first school and then his second (we were bullied via the school WhatsApp). I see any about 1 friend from DS baby days (but never with DS, which is really limiting).
DD was in Y1 when COVID hit so we have had little contact with her friends' parents and they are also quite cliquey (lots are the type that have never moved away from home).
I hated lockdown for obvious reasons. But even before that I couldn't go to clubs any more because DS needs so much help e.g. he needs someone at Cubs, he can't go to group activities at all really let alone on his own.
I'm now feeling not only really lonely but really socially awkward (this was the case a bit before COVID but it's made it worse e.g. going to an out of town meeting for work I would previously have enjoyed chatting to new people, I'm quite good at small talk, but I felt a bit like the new junior, I am in fact quite senior).
I've never really made friends through work, there are a few juniors who go out and have a drink but the rest of us just work.
Just wondering if there are others who have got through this and out the other side? Friends without DCs go out on walks, for dinner, and friends with DCs meet up with them but I can't do either (even when my DCs were preschool age the baby group friends would all go away without inviting us).

OP posts:
drspouse · 22/08/2022 10:33

Just me then...

OP posts:
Ladygaggia · 22/08/2022 13:14

Not in this situation anymore so I can't offer much, but didn't want you feeling unheard.

Have you much support with the kids from family, or are you very much on your own with that?

drspouse · 22/08/2022 18:07

No support at all - my DPs live at a distance and are quite elderly (my ILs are both dead).
I have a DB who can be a listening ear but has two high achieving older teens so doesn't get it at all (and lives in another country).

OP posts:
Tanaqui · 23/08/2022 05:33

Are there any adoption support groups you could join? Or sen groups where your ds might be happy? I know that might be hard if you are rural, but I'm thinking of things like riding for the disabled (that is what the charity is called). Or could dh give you a regular night off so you had at least one evening to go to a choir or whatever?

Oblomov22 · 23/08/2022 06:10

Does ds have SN? Is he supported in school? Why can't he go to cubs on his own?

drspouse · 23/08/2022 10:17

Yes, he does have SEN (sorry if that wasn't clear). He can't cope with Cubs etc on his own. He's in a specialist school.

OP posts:
Tanaqui · 25/08/2022 16:19

Would you qualify for any respite care?

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