First time posting and not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by doing so. I'm a new mum to a lovely 5 week old boy who is just perfect. I've been with my husband for 10 years before he arrived and this wee baby was much wanted and waited for after several miscarriages and years of ttc.
So now he's here and I'm so happy with baby but i feel like my husband only seems interested in the good bits. He's happy to cuddle baby, take him out in his pram, or feed him but only on his terms, ie if he plans to pop to the shop anyway he'll take baby along, he'll feed him once he's fed himself - "baby can wait", cuddle him if he isn't playing video games or till he cries then husband gets frustrated.
I am trying to not be hard on him because he has a LOT of work stress and i know is really struggling with that but I'm finding it hard to not get upset that he seems slightly disinterested in me and baby, unless it's on his terms. We had a conversation today about whether we'd like another baby and honestly I'm not sure i would but wanted to just talk it through. This led to him quite understandably raising points about how we would afford it, what about childcare /work etc. A little later a conversation starts about the baby and he says he feels he can't do anything right with baby and that I'm hyper critical of everything he does even though I'm a new parent too. While i agree i am still learning, i feel I've taken to motherhood really easily. I feel confident in what I'm doing and trust i know what's best for my son. I also have much younger siblings and cousins so have been around babies and kids loads growing up, and have experience of the practical stuff because i would actually help out. When he said this i felt like it was about a bruised ego rather than hurt feelings. I feel like he always wants the good bits and the praise but never actually just quietly gets on and does the work. Even pre baby i always felt like he wanted a standing ovation for cleaning the kitchen or taking the bin out. And like i said he doesn't make a big effort to get involved, he only cherry picks the things he wants to do so he isn't getting practice.
The conversation got a bit heated and i said words to the effect of "we definitely shouldn't have another baby because i can see how my life would be", by which i mean I'd have an even more stressed and unhappy husband and double the baby workload because he's so butt hurt by any constructive criticism about parenting. He's now sulking and upset that i landed such a blow and honestly I just cba with it.
Am i being unreasonable to expect my husband to be as elated as i am with every new baby burp and bubble? Am i being unreasonable to expect him to cheerfully get involved in jobs and take it on the chin if I point out he needs to be thorough when he washes the bottles?
In retrospect i do think i was unreasonable in what i said about another baby and could have phrased that better, i can hold my hands up to that.
Urgh🙈