To have expected family to help after having twins?

[UphillAllTheWay]

Had them a few years ago and getting easier now but looking back AIBU to think my family could have helped out a bit more.

It really knocked us financially as I had to give up work and we’d just bought a new house planning for a 2nd DC not 2nd and 3rd!

My parents are pretty well off and were working tax free abroad at the time. They only bought baby clothes (from that country most of which were unwearable). No offer of buying the pram or a cot as they bought for younger sister. No childcare offers from siblings living nearby

Its been so bloody hard as have an older DC too and now I’m thinking WTF. There’s no way I wouldn’t offer help if a family member has unexpected twins, especially my own child.

AIBU?

Did you ask for help, some don’t want to interfere. So many possibilities

I sometimes think this
I only had 1 baby and it wasn't financial help I wanted/needed I just needed emotional support and for someone to hold the baby so I could nap
I've got 2 children now and I don't expect or even consider that anyone would help me
My husband and I have come to the conclusion that it's just us
Personally I wouldn't expect someone to help me financially or even feel any way about them not offering to help
I decided to have a baby and if that resulted in twin, triplets or even quadruplets that's on me.. sorry if that's harsh just my opinion

It would have been nice for them to have helped. But I don't think you can expect them to. Everyone is living their own life.

Did you ask them for help?

They lived in another country. That makes it difficult to see what support you need if you don’t ask.

Tax free salaries don’t automatically equal being well off. Especially when you live abroad, suffer lifestyle inflation in the supposedly cheap countries which aren’t that cheap when you factor in the required international travel, expensive trips home, possibly supporting a home in another country, medical insurance because are not resident. I could go on but I won’t.

But let’s assume your parents are well off…do they owe you more because they have more? It isn’t easy to send a pram or cot from overseas, or even order one isn’t as straightforward as in the UK (ask me how I know). Clothes, on the other hand, don’t take up as much room in a suitcase and allow the purchaser to enjoy shopping and thinking about the recipient rather than mindlessly clicking on internet links.

Nobody, not even your parents, owe you help or presents. From your post it does sound as though the help you wanted was financial rather than emotional but that may not have been the case.

Don’t compare yourself to your sister. She may have asked them for help (emotional or financial), or they may have thought she needed it more than you. Also bear in mind, there is generally less support and money for second and subsequent children than the first child.

If your parents contributed to your siblings baby expenses then it would seem fair that they offer you the same. Did they give gifts when you had your eldest? If they did, maybe that's why they found it equal enough?

As for help, it would be nice to have offers but we don't know your siblings commitments or whether they have the required skills in knowing how to look after a child or baby. I can see why you would be upset that there was no rallying round, however, as I'm sure having twins must be incredibly hard, especially in the early days. Your siblings may have good reasons however. You probably should have asked for help. They may have thought you had everything sorted otherwise.

Did you ask for help at all? If not well you wanted children, whether that’s 1, 2 or 3 etc you had those children so it’s on you to provide 100%. You can’t expect people to help if you don’t ask. Sounds very harsh but it’s more of a you problem than a family problem if you struggled and didn’t make it known.

I can't imagine not helping any of my DC in this situation; outside of MN, it's what normal families do.
On here though, OP, if you're over 18 you're on your own and have no business expecting any help or consideration from anyone.