To put my 3-year-old to bed after 9

[Bnxybee]

He’s never been a good sleeper. We’ve tried putting him to bed at 7 and he’s always woke up about 2 or 3 am wanting to go downstairs and screaming the house down if we don’t let him. He’ll then stay awake until midday when he has a half hour nap. Husband has tried to let him cry it out and it worked for a few months but now he just screams the place down. He doesn’t seem to sleep for longer than 8 hours.

Now I’ve decided to put him to bed between 9 and 10. I can’t function on so little sleep. (I can’t get to sleep before midnight).

AIBU?

If it works then try it, although at 3 the first thing I would be doing is dropping the nap.

No youre not being unreasonable. I think my napping 3 yo should go down around 830/9 asleep by 930; although as she's started dropping naps to bring that forward an hour. We never did it much as we put 5yo to bed earlier so do them together, but its resulted in some really long nights for us, where I've often felt that we tried too early and for too long. There were nights we didn't start cooking our own dinner before 930pm.

My 3 year old goes to bed at 9/10pm. It used to be even later! He’s a great sleeper if he goes to bed late, but horrible if we try to put him to bed early (as in sleeps through the night vs waking up every 30 mins) 😅

Do whatever you need to get sleep! Two out of three of mine were poor sleepers, first and last, so know it was nothing I did wrong as middle one slept 12 hours.
With the first, he went to bed when we did as he would have a four hour sleep, a breast feed and then a three hour sleep before he was up for the day (plus he hardly napped in the day from day one🙄). The last one could be persuaded to sleep if allowed in bed with us once he woke up in the middle of the night, in the end we put a double mattress and single mattress together on the floor and got some sleep😴

Try it, you can always make the bed time earlier when he’s in a good routine of sleeping through

I put my three year old to bed at 9 or after until he stopped napping. He slept through until 8am. It’s about how much sleep they have.
My mum was very sniffy about his bedtime because I was in bed before 7pm at that age, but then I was up every day at 5am, which she did not enjoy.

Forgot to say that this went on until about 4 yrs old🤷🤦

Sleep.

Do whatever you need to so you all get decent sleep.

At the moment he's not at school so do whatever the fuck you need to.

Do what you need to do! Maybe try nudging it forward in the autumn and it’s darker earlier. If that doesn’t work - do what you need to survive! He won’t come to any harm.
sone children just need less sleep

Yanbu to try it. Although I wouldn't be surprised if you moved the bedtime and he still woke at 2am. My DS wakes at the same time every day regardless of when put to bed, we tried to shift his wake time for years to no avail. He's basically a rooster in human form.

8 hours doesnt sound like much sleep at age 3. Have you tried putting him for a longer nap to catch up the poor night, before the later bedtime? In case overtiredness is impacting sleep.

There's a bit a variability at this age but most kids I know sleep at least 10 hours at this age and some as much as 13.

My 3 year old has been going to sleep around 9 since he was little - tried putting him down earlier and all that happened was bed time took far longer because he wouldn't sleep, even if he had been up earlier in the morning. So no, not unreasonable for yours to go to bed at that time. Personally, i prefer him going to bed later and getting up at a reasonable time in the morning (he usually wakes around 7-7.30).

My 2yo sleeps at 9. There's no way he would sleep earlier than this. If he did then like yours, will be up at 2am expecting to start the day. They all have different sleep needs. Worth a try.

none Of my DC or GC ever napped after 2 years …this is probably the issue

Mine is 3 and if he naps (any duration) he definitely wouldn't be ready for bed before 9/9.30. Without a nap he can go anytime between 6-7.30 depending on how busy we have been. I agree with what someone else said and ditch the nap!

Always put Dd to bed late, from being tiny.
She slept through the main night hours and it worked much better for us.

Nope not unreasonable. Sleep is precious do what you need to do to make sure everyone gets it.

Also- I recommend the gro clock. My eldest was an early riser (tho not 2/3am) and he learnt to stay in bed until the sun came up.
My youngest (also 3) has a later bedtime that the first 2 ever had for similar reason to you. He sleeps through til 8am and then everyone is much happier.

I do this with my toddler if she has had a long nap during the day. What is the point taking them at 7 for them to lie there wide awake?

Thanks everyone.

I'm that bloody knackered it’s impacting my already poor executive function (adhd) and work are noticing. He’s just wired. I put him to bed at 9.30 tonight and he woke up less than an hour later distressed and crying. We’re now downstairs having a cuddle and his leg hasn’t stopped swinging back and forth and he’s still singing. I just don’t get it??! He had 7 hours sleep last night and an hour nap in the day. Even my friend commented on how “wired” he is. I feel at fault because I took antidepressants whilst pregnant. Could that have something to do with it?

I'd drop the nap and move bedtime to 8pm and see how DS gets on... Good luck!

@Bnxybee since you have ADHD is it possible he might too? It does tend to run in families. Sleep problems are pretty common with young people with ADHD, ASD etc. If he does, melatonin can be really helpful in resetting sleep cycles but would need to be prescribed by a paediatrician and always worth trying behavioural strategies first.

Not unreasonable at all. Our dd went to bed at around 9pm all her childhood, and would wake between 6.30 and 7, she didn't need the famed 12 hours of sleep, she only ever needed around 10.

Much better for her and us, and I've never understood the obsession of some people to put their kids to bed before 7pm and then moan when they are wide awake by 4.30am. People used to say to me "Ooh, I couldn't do without my evenings" and I'd be thinking I'd rather not be woken up before 7, thanks very much. I am not a morning person!

Try it - DS1s bedtime has always been around 9/9.30 for a 7/7.30 wake up.

He napped till age 3 but after that he seemed fine on 10-10.5h sleep. 12h is just an average, some DC will always need a little more or less.

Given you're ND as well, I'd be seeing a doctor about getting him on the assessment pathway as well.

My DD is 3 and is also the same. If she goes to bed at anytime before 8 she wakes up in the early hours screaming to go downstairs too. Even if she hasnt had a nap in the day. She definitely sleeps a lot better if she goes to sleep at 8/9.

Give it a whirl. We are in the horrible situation of our child still needing a daytime nap but going to bed at about 10.30 as a result 😩 she keeps my other kids awake. Do whatever you need to do to get some sleep.