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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

TIRED OF BEING THE WEEKDAY FRIEND

36 replies

Ruby2328 · 20/08/2022 21:38

just need to know am I being unreasonable or not, I have a friend who only ever asks me to do things on weekdays like go for lunch early in the day for an hour or two etc. the only days they’ll ever plan to meet with me is Monday or Tuesday, but then she’ll go out every weekend with her other friends for drinks or to do something fun like nights away, I’m starting to feel like I’m only there for her when she’s bored with nothing else to do, it’s starting to bother me how she will never ask me to do anything with her on the weekends but makes time for her other friends on the weekend, has anyone else been through anything similar? If so what did you do about it?

OP posts:

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 20/08/2022 22:40

Tillsforthrills · 20/08/2022 22:35

Oh I don’t doubt that she’s factually correct and that some (few) people can clinically put their friends in certain boxes.

I don’t think, for example in OP’s case, that it’s very pleasant to be boxed into ‘Monday coffee break only’ especially as her friend might be surprised to discover she’s great fun on the weekend sans kids.

Show quote history

I believe its a lot more than a few
OP might be great fun on the weekend. But for this friend that void is filled and the need is met.

Tillsforthrills · 20/08/2022 22:50

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 20/08/2022 22:40

I believe its a lot more than a few
OP might be great fun on the weekend. But for this friend that void is filled and the need is met.

Show quote history

As I’ve said…I’m not saying you’re wrong but clinical…yes, you also are that too. But hey, for all I know you’re probably lots of fun and a very warm hearted friend.

Charlize43 · 20/08/2022 22:54

Get rid. She's obviously just using you as weekday lunch filler. In her social hierarchy you're somewhere near the bottom. She's not really a friend.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/08/2022 22:55

I believe its a lot more than a few

Of course it is - otherwise making any new friend would be fraught with risk because you would be making a huge commitment.

Original poster

Ruby2328 · 20/08/2022 23:22

Oh just to state as well, it’s always been like this even before we had our kids, so I wouldn’t consider myself to just be a mum friend

OP posts:

Kite22 · 20/08/2022 23:37

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 20/08/2022 22:12

You're a mum friend.
There's nothing wrong with what she's done. The friendship is fulfilling something for her and you're wanting more.
But you're not going to get it from her.
That's not her fault

You're choices are either be happy with what you have with her and find another friend for weekend stuff or end the friendship.

I agree with this.
Even after you saying you were like this before having dc.

It is fine to have friends that you see at different times or that you do different things together with.

I have lots of friends that I only see when doing one thing, and not another.

I totally disagree with @Tillsforthrills . I think this is very normal.

EtnaVesuvius · 20/08/2022 23:38

I had a friend who did this. Never wanted to do anything on the weekends, only during the week when she was bored as she didn’t work (I wfh). The thing is, my kids are with my ex EOW so it would have been lovely to so something then. But she was always ‘busy’.

We’re not really friends now as I felt a bit second rate.

Snegle · 20/08/2022 23:56

Is she definitely going out with other friends at the weekend? I have an old friend who only really meets me in the week because it's easier for both of us - we both work in London but live in suburbs on opposite sides of the city. I think she mainly likes to have no plans, sleep in and spend time with her husband at the weekends as she gets up at 5/6am every day for work in the week. I play sport on Saturday mornings so don't tend to go out on Friday nights, and I'm shattered by Saturday evening, so tend to do most of my socialising in the week.

But like PPs have said, you seem to want/expect more from this relationship. If you're not happy, don't see her any more?

ddl1 · 20/08/2022 23:58

What is better or worse about being a weekday vs a weekend friend? If weekdays are much more inconvenient for you, then tell your friend this. Or is it that you associate the weekends with much more excitement and 'letting one's hair down' (which may not in fact be the case for her!) and feel excluded from this?

The only thing that might justify such resentment on your part is if she is seeing the others on both weekdays and weekends, and you just on the weekdays; but I don't get the impression that this is the case.

sidheandlight · 21/08/2022 00:53

does she drink more than you maybe?

Meraas · 21/08/2022 02:25

It sounds like you’re not getting what you need from this friendship, so if you don’t want to to the shops/lunch with her, start being less available. It sounds like she wants to see you at some odd times. Does she take an interest in you or is it mainly about her?

Is she going out with a group of friends on the weekends?

Babysitters are not easy to get (whether paid for or family favours), so I suppose from her perspective, is it worth getting a babysitter to just see one friend on a weekend evening, when she can see you during the week, and save the babysittimg favours for her nights out with a group of friends.

However, as I said, I don’t thinkI’d like this friendship, her timings are very restrictive.

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