My best friend getting married soon, should my DH come?

[BadEggs54]

As the title says, one of my best friends is getting married soon. Think big country hall. My DH doesn't want to go. I would like him to come with me.

I've only ever been to a couple of weddings. Him as well. It's not his sort of thing. We only had a small wedding as he didn't want many people there (although this was around 10 years ago now). He doesn't like functions, work parties, family parties, doesn't really come with me to visit family. This is all ok. We've got a fairly good relationship and I don't mind that for the most part, I just really want him to come to this one thing. I don't want to sit on my own when all of our other friends are in couples. I asked him months ago and he did eventually say he would come, for me, but now it's nearly here he has said he is dreading it and has gone off in a huff.

He isn't antisocial or and has no problems talking to people once there. He just doesn't like going. Our DD aged 8 will be coming whilst older son is spending the day with his grandad.

YANBU - he should come with you and do it for you.

YABU - he shouldn't have to go if he doesn't want to.

If he’s not antisocial usually I think he should make an effort, going off in a huff about going to a wedding is silly.

YANBU

I couldn't stand to be with such a fun sponge

Assuming that you RVSPed that your husband would be attending when he agreed to come months ago, pulling out when the wedding is "nearly here" because he doesn't fancy it is very rude to the couple.

So once you leave the house you're a single parent/lone woman? I would hate this kind of partnership so I hope it does truly work for you.

Given this is how you generally live, I don't think you should make him come.

My DH doesn't want to go. I would like him to come with me. I don't think he should go then. He'll only have a face on the whole time.

He should do whatever you've told the bride and groom he's doing. If you've said you're both going then it's unfair not to go

What are you meant to say when peoples ask "where's your DH"

"He didn't fancy it..."?!

This ⬆️

I don't like functions much either but can suck it up on occasion. If you've both confirmed your attendance to bride and groom then the best option is to stick with it but I really don't think either of you are being unreasonable. I didn't even want to go to my own graduation!

Thank you all for the comments. He isn't usually a miserable bugger. He just doesn't like 'functions'. I tend to visit family with the kids while he is working so that's not a problem. He is a great dad and we do lots of fun family stuff. He is usually the 'fun' one. I just didn't know if I was wrong for asking him to go.

He is being unreasonable.

Of course you don't want to go to the wedding on your own.

Does he refuse to put himself out for you in other ways too?

But have you replied to the wedding invitation saying your husband will go? If your friend will be out of pocket because your husband has had a change of heart then he's totally unreasonable to back out. If it's just that you've reached the RSVP date and he's confirmed he doesn't want to go, then he's not unreasonable for that. Whether you are happy to attend all future functions alone is up to you.

My check used to do this. Would drop out at the last minute or simply refuse from the moment the invitation arrived and it drove me mad!

So we had a deal - I would ask him when the invitation arrived and his decision at that point was final.

If he chose not to come, I would take a friend who I'm now married to!!.

It's not good for a relationship.

Should say "my XH"

Honestly, it’s worrying that you doubt yourself on whether it’s OK to ‘ask him to go.’

Most normal couples attend these functions together, if they are invited together.

If it’s genuinely that he “just doesn't like going” then he can suck it up and stop being a selfish sulking git.

No usually he does a lot for us. I don't really 'ask' for much. We work well as team. I don't need to ask as such. This is just a different situation.

We don't tend to get invited to these sorts of things. No other close friends have had weddings locally, so it's not as if the situation is coming up all the time for him to not want to go.

He agreed to go. I have RSVP'd for us both. He even got a new shirt and jacket. He hasn't said he is not going. He's just having a grumble. Hopefully he won't let me down on the day!

I'd leave him at home because I wouldn't enjoy myself because he'd be such a buzzkill and ruin my enjoyment of the wedding.
Get him to confirm yes or no asap so you can let the bride know.
Tell her the truth ( he's socially hopeless) or make up a conflicting event but don't take him.
Enjoy yourself!

It’s a pretty normal thing to expect; tell him to stop grumbling and get over it

Is is an introvert? I am. I hate these things but if I've said yes, I'm adult enough to know how rude it is not to go.

Could he have Aspergers?!

He has a social phobia. Difficult situation. Feel very much the same. Fills me with anxiety but I'm usually ok when I get there is I know a few people. Maybe negotiate the time he needs to spend there?

Quick update. He went to the wedding and was fine! Not socially awkward or boring. Glad he went.