AIBU to say stop asking me to work for nothing?

[Poorartist]

NC in case my mother goes snooping.

I am as my name suggests a poor artist, I also have three children and a useless ex who disappears whenever it’s time to pay maintenance for his 3 kids. I currently supplement my income working in a coffee shop for the flexibility and to pay my bills as painting alone does not make enough. I am none the less reasonably successful and my work is getting more well known within the art world but it’s not enough yet to go full time self employed.

The problem is my mother. She is always telling her friends I’ll do paintings or drawings for them or design logos or leaflets for their business… for free!! (I’m not a graphic designer)

She has now fallen out with me after my refusing for the hundredth time to do work for free for some friend or other. She just doesn’t understand how much research, time and effort goes into painting and expects them
churned out like she sees on sped up TikTok videos. Apparently I shame her by refusing and I’m a terrible and selfish daughter but I she shames herself by offering my services without my consent.

AIBU to refuse to do these freebies because exposure doesn’t pay the bills?

yabu - it’s just a favour for your mum’s friends don’t be so selfish

yanbu - your mum is being selfish and should
learn to paint for herself if she wants her friends to have freebies

Next time she asks, send her an itemised bill and ask how they will be paying.

Just out of interest, has your mum ever had a job? Would she have done it for nothing as a 'favour'?

God, this brings back memories.

I used to be an artist - degree, post-grad in fine art, sold paintings through galleries etc. Would regularly have people say 'you can do one for me', 'you could paint my dog, would be good practice for you', 'how about £25 for it?' (For a painting worth £60+ in materials and took 8 hours).

People don't get it, they think you whip a painting up in a couple of hours and do it for 'fun' therefore it's worth very little, and that they are practically doing you a favour to accept it from you.

It's weird how creative work, and art especially, is so little valued. I think it's because other people assume 'well it's fun so it's not work, and how hard can it be anyway?'

I would say to your mum 'Mum, my painting is not a hobby, it's my work. I need it to pay my bills so I can't afford to work for free. Please stop telling people that I can do anything for free.'

Yep that’s annoying. I remember a thread where the OP was a specialist in something (tax law? Not sure) and people kept suggesting she could help out their mates for free. Except she actually had to do quite a lot of work to give anyone sensible advice.

I think it’s partly that the person suggesting you can help someone out likes to be seen to be really helpful. And doesn’t care that you’re put in a terrible position.

Just say that you’ve got too much paying work on to take on free stuff.

I love this. I might have to not so subtly post it online 😭

I love this song. I actually had it as my
earworm all day yesterday and just when I thought I’d got rid aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Sadly it didn’t last. My mum must’ve seen it 😂😂

Thanks all. I’m relieved and reassured to know I’m not being unreasonable but I’d love the 1% of voters who said I am to please explain why. I’d genuinely love to hear the other side’s reasoning.

My mother like many others doesn’t understand art or the process and doesn’t value it or the time and effort it takes. I did try in our conversation to explain almost all of the arguments mentioned above including pointing out I already had too much work on my plate with kids and holidays/back to school shopping and work but as usual I’m the selfish one for not doing this one wee favour. Ironically she has moaned to me in the past for people expecting her to do free work favours (nothing I could take advantage of) so she knows it’s annoying.

One of my art friends said to start asking “what’s the budget” as soon as someone asks me to do something. It’s a good start I suppose.

Wow. Shocked. Almost speechless.

Ask your mum if she would expect you to randomly take £200 (or whatever the cost of the artwork she is wanting you to do) out of your purse/bank and just give it to one of her friends. I'd suspect she would say no don't be ridiculous and look at you like you've gone mad. When she does, say "well mum, that is exactly what you are demanding I do, that piece of art is worth money, and it's the equivalent of you asking me to give your friends my money"

Im an artist and i used to get asked this loads when i first started out. Got a lot thicker skin as time has gone on and i dont even give it two thoughts anymore.

A quick response is to say how busy you are and that you're not currently accepting any new work as you have a backlog. Send them to your commission order / waitlist form which has all your prices on and leave them to it.

I more or less replied with this and this is what annoyed my mother as she believes it won’t take me long. She has no interest in hearing how long it actually would take or what’s involved. It’s all about keeping face with her friends.

I definitely liked the PP suggestion of volunteering your DM for local activities. Or at least make stuff up to tell her. 'I told my friend Cheryl you wouldn't mind looking after her three Rottweilers while she's away next weekend'.

YANBU - but people don't value art so when you say 'my normal rates are ...' they scoff and think 'well thats far too much, I wouldn't pay that'... so then they think you're over charging and can easily afford to work for free.

Some days I can afford to work for free - on those days I do heavily discounted work for charities, or I do the occasional gift for a close friend - I did a lovely client of ours a digital owl the other day because she's lovely, it was a very signficant birthday many won't ever reach and I wanted to play around with some new digital brushes.

When asked to do things I start with 'whats your budget'... and that usually stops people in their tracks. You get the odd one who says 'oh I thought you could do it as a gift/for the exposure' and then I can do my Mumsnet tinkly laugh and say oh no im so sorry but im FAR too busy for that, and can't pay the gas bill with exposure.

I also get the 'but it won't take you long' and it is true, most of the mediums I work in and the sizes I work in, I can knock out a picture in a few hours - doesn't matter though, it's taken me the better part of 40 years to learn HOW to do that!

Well presumably when your mother offers your talents to her friends for free they must have to contact you. At which point you just say to them "I'm sorry my mother has misinformed you, I don't work for free". Shes the one that's going to end up looking stupid. If she has a go at you just say repeatedly "I don't work for free". Failing that tell her that everytime she expects you to to work for free you'll be offering her services as a free cleaner to all your friends.