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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to still think about my "first love"?

2 replies

CakeCrumbs44 · 20/08/2022 19:21

When I was 15-18 years old, there was this guy I was really infatuated with. He wasn't my boyfriend; we never dated and I briefly dated other people during that time (he didn't). We were good friends and had a lot of shared friends. So we spent a lot of time together, in groups and alone, and we did sometimes "fool around" together, although never slept together. I think he was my first "love".

Fifteen years later, this man still lives in the same town as me, he works in the town centre and so I quite frequently see him walk by or go past his workplace and, when I do, I always think about him and the times we spent together, and what might have happened if I had asked him out back then.

I've been happily married for 8 years and he has been in a long term relationship for about the same time, so it's not like I want to be in a relationship with him, but I just get a bit nostalgic and sappy thinking about that time. Sometimes I have dreams about him too 😳

Am I the only one who thinks about their first "love" like this or is it normal? Or is it just because I see him around and I should try to avoid that!

OP posts:
quokka5 · 21/08/2022 17:24

I think this is not uncommon. Teen years are emotionally intense and I can remember heartache from that time like it happened yesterday. Just try to keep it in perspective.

Bluebells12 · 21/08/2022 17:47

It’s common. I certainly often think of ‘the one that got away’.

As you get towards the middle of life and have so much less potential, it’s quite normal to keep thinking about the teen years when anything was possible and to wonder ‘what if’. What if I’d gone to uni / moved to Australia / not dumped my first boyfriend / what if that incredibly sexy guy had fallen in love with me / what if I’d gone into acting instead of taking the sensible job, etc etc.

Important to recognise that this means nothing. If he was right for you, you would have got together.

This is a yearning for youth and excitement and lost potential, not a specific person.

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