To think that I am money hungry...?

[jabbajabba1]

Looking for objective opinions and advice here...

My DP is a nice guy, who really cares for me.. But has made some bad decisions with money in the past.

The issue is, that I make most of the money. I didn’t go to uni, have any family help or come from much. So I think I have worked really hard to get here.
And I paid for the deposit on our home last year. I'm just looking for the stability my upbringing didn't provide.
DP has a contract job at the moment and wants to start a business. But whenever I ask him, what’s happening with his job/ financial plans. He changes the subject, or says it's looking good... Or gets defensive. And tells me I’m money hungry and should go meet a banker if all I want is money.

We/I want kids. But I’m scared I'll be forced to provide and look after them. While DP chases his dream. But I’m also hoping that some success is around the corner for him, cause he is smart.

I just want some financial security and an equal partnership. I’m 35 now, 36 in April and fear it’s too late to leave. Especially if I want kids.

AIBU and just being money hungry?

Or gets defensive. And tells me I’m money hungry and should go meet a banker if all I want is money.

This is the biggest red flag of all of them. He's actually turning it back on to you and making you the gold digger. Listen to what he's saying and note what he's doing - he's telling you that his financial plans for the future are to be a cocklodger.

Please don't spend any more of your money on him. I'd say get rid, but tbh if you stop spending on him I suspect you won't see hm for dust. He'll be off to find the next woman to subsidise his life.

One solid piece of advice: When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time!!

Empty promises, distractions, accusations (of being money hungry) are exactly what he is showing you. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders given how far you've come. You might very well end up bitter and resentful if you do have children with him and find yourself having to carry everything on your shoulders whilst he still chases his dream.

So you're the one providing, yet he has called you the gold digger to shut the conversation down..? Bloody cheeky. I hope you ring fenced your deposit. He may lack ambition. Regardless, you need to know whether you're financially compatible or not before you even think of kids.

The issue here is he doesn’t want to communicate with you, and that is no good for a healthy relationship. Maybe tell him that and if it doesn’t improve………

Never heard of ‘money hungry’, tread carefully in this relationship.

He isn't the right person to have a relationship with never mind bring children into the world . He can't even discuss your concerns now so how will he be further down the line .

Very much this.

Thanks everyone... all the thoughts and opinions have helped. x

I’m with someone who is essentially financially irresponsible. It’s exhausting. He has never disclosed how much he earns or has in the bank. It appears to rain money for a few months then he will have a year of no money. I know I can only rely on myself and never him. It’s like having another child tbh.

good friend of mine has a husband like that. There is always one business opportunity after the other, various companies set up and closed again, new ventures with different partners or by himself. Fog good 15 years he has contributed NOTHING to family finances, as you know, the company is just starting and then they need to re-invest all the money and then there's covid and then something else. For a few years, he rented an office and went there every day, allegedly working while it later turned out he basically had no orders for most of the time.
Oh yes and if wife asks then she's unsupportive and doesn't believe in him..