To feel a bit hurt by this?

[drljs]

I'm probably BU. I just feel a little upset by this.

DD turns 16 next week. I rearranged my work diary months ago in anticipation as it's a special birthday and I didn't want to be at work on the day - I wanted to free myself up to be able to celebrate with her.

I asked her recently what she'd like to do on her birthday and she told me she plans to spend the morning with her Dad (doesn't live with us, we are separated since she was little) and in the afternoon she's coming home and then has planned a birthday meal out with her friends. I asked if she planned on spending any time at home in between - she said maybe an hour or two but just to get ready to go out with my friends.

AIBU to feel a bit upset that she isn't interested in spending any time with her mum on her special birthday? I was hoping to be able to take her out for a nice meal. Obviously we can do that another day and I will pay for her meal with friends etc, but I suppose I was just hoping to celebrate at least part of her special day with her. 😞

She's 16, of course she wants to go out with her mates. I don't think this is particularly unusual, I very much doubt she's trying to hurt you. I think this is pretty standard at this age.

I'd suggest taking her out for a meal the week before.

I think the lack of communication here is your fault. You are Turing this into how you feel - but how about your poor daughter - her mum didn’t plan anything for her birthday, it’s nice that her dad stepped up.

what had you intended to do with her? Doesn’t sound like you put any effort into thinking about the day beyond booking the time off.

most people say I have booked the day off so we can have lunch or go shopping When her dad asked her to go to lunch she didn’t have any other plans. All she knew was you would be at home.

Awww OP this makes me sad.
I would feel the same as you do ♥️
It's all well and good saying you should've made plans, but it doesn't change the fact your feelings are hurt.
If it was me I would just sit down with her and tell her that it's really important and special to you to do something with her for her special birthday and see what you both agree on!
Maybe she's only made plans with her dad because he suggested it?
You haven't done anything wrong, you're not wrong with how you feel. Gosh it's hard as these kiddies grow up and change. Make sure you get some plans and quality time in! It'll mean a lot to her now and in the future when she looks back and appreciates how much you wanted to celebrate with her x

I also think it's very normal to want to go out with pals on your birthday when you are 16. I really don't think it means she prefers them or your ex to you. It's just happened like this. Id embrace it. Make a fuss with presents and breakfast in the morning before she goes to your ex's and maybe offer pre drinks (or whatever the 16 year old equivalent is) for her friends. Id offer lifts to her and her friends in the evening. Then book something fun for another day.

@Stripedbag101

Her dad isn't taking her to lunch, she's just at home with him.

@Cupofteaonesugar

Aw thank you, what a lovely post

I think the pre-dinner drinks with her friends is a lovely idea.

Invite her to lunch then!

She can spend the morning with her dad and then leave to meet you for lunch?

@NoSquirrels

I will suggest this to her. The only issue is that the return home time is determined by her Dad and when he is willing to drop her off (he does the travelling). Assuming he's happy to bring her home for lunch this is a definite possibility.

Deffo take her for lunch and say a mani pedi before her dinner with friends