DH Business Trip

[Bumblefuzz]

So last night DH dropped on me that he was leaving on a business trip, 4000 miles away a week on Saturday. We're actually supposed to be out at a festival on that day with child and dog care arranged, which I don't really want to go to on my own. I then have to try to navigate the following week which is back to school with no childcare or dog care currently booked. He WFH so was planning to be there for the first week back to take the pressure off as it's always a bit of a circus. I think that the only way I can do this is take annual leave, but it will be on my own as kids are at school and my friends are mostly teachers. I know lots of people enjoy their own company, but I am not one of those people. I'd much rather be at work, but that would mean relying heavily on my elderly parents and about 4 hours per day driving around doing drop offs, pick ups and going to work (I live 20 miles from work, but my parents are 10 miles in the wrong direction)

We're supposed to be on a city break in another European country next weekend. It will be exhausting as I'll be back at work within 12 hours (if I'm lucky) and now I don't want to go, because work is very busy and stressful and I just don't have the physical or mental energy for this at the moment.

I was looking forward to the next couple of weeks, and now I just want it all over.

AIBU?

It sounds stressful but did your dh have a say in the timing of the trip. My dh used to work away at times, and it couldn't be helped (if he wanted to keep his job!).

Can you not work 10/2 for the week so 1/2 days
Or ask DH to arrange as hock childcare
Or go late and use after school clubs
Or go in late and ask parents to collect them
Or ask friends for help - one day each?

Then when DH home you take them all out by or dinner.

Could you (both!) not hire someone for that week to do all the child / dog / household stuff? I’m sure a reputable agency could provide someone competent, even at short notice.

I know this will sound obstructive, but there is no available childcare. Most of my friends work and the others wouldn't be local enough. There is no wraparound as DD is in (lower) high school. I don't mind leaving her on her own for a couple of hours, but it would be more like 4. I have a senior position and whilst I can WFH, I do very often have to be out and about with little notice. The only way to be able to say no, is to be on annual leave.

How do you manage any other week he’s travelling?

it sounds like you’re unhappy he’s going away at short notice and that week in particular so you’re being difficult about it. Is it the festival you’re disappointed about? Or that bell miss back to school? Or it’s a challenging week and you feel resentful he gets to cop out?

whatever it is it’d probably be more helpful just to own the real problem and have a discussion about it with him.

If your DD is in high school you don’t need childcare. Unless there’s a massive drip feed then 4 hours by themselves is fine.

It's a weird one. Someone else is there, but is being indecisive as to whether they are staying or going due to an I'll relative. The whole thing, quite bizarrely seems to hinge on whether there is anyone to look after the cat that lives in the apartment that the guy is currently staying in! DH thought that this was a selling point to me as I couldn't let anything bad happen to a cat! It's true, I couldn't, but seriously, there must be someone closer than 4000 miles that could put down a bowl of kitty kibble!

does he really have to go so far away at two weeks notice?
unacceptable to leave you in the lurch unless he can sort childcare and doggy daycare surely.

there have been instances where my dh has refused to go on work trips (admittedly not particularly important ones) and his boss has been understanding. When he has been away he’s always asked me about it before committing.

obviously it depends on his actual job and actual boss but it seems very short notice to me.
if it was a few weeks’ notice it would be more reasonable.

@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister I really disagree with that. High school age can be just turned 11. Mine could do 4 hours without starving or burning the house down but they'd be lonely and upset after about 2. There's a big difference between first and say third or fourth year of high school and I agree with the OP that the first couple of years of high school can be a real problem. They don't really need a childminder but do not want to rattle around alone.

I’m sorry his work trip is to look after a cat? But to abandon his wife, dog and kids in the process?

So you can work from home and your youngest is in high school?

You really don’t need childcare. If you’re going to be late one evening your dad can go to a friends for dinner

Dd not Dad

I’d be really annoyed about the festival and would have expected him to push back as much as would be reasonable. The cat thing is mental, I don’t understand that at all. Everything else is just one of those things and really doesn’t sound like a big deal. And 11/12 year old doesn’t need childcare and will be fine for 4 hours (presuming no SEN). You can probably find a dog walker via an agency if necessary, ditto a cleaner if you’re worried about keeping up with housework.

Probably all of that, and the fact (I realise that I didn't mention this before) that he has known this to be a possibility for 2 weeks and decided to mention it at 8pm on a Friday (after I had a pretty horrendous week) when there is bugger all I can do until Monday and I'll be back into another tough work week. You're right though, I need to own the real problem which is that I need to change things so that I don't need to rely on him for anything.

@potteringalong

No drip feed, just a very naive 12 year old. Have had instances where a school acquaintance forced their way in and DH had to drive back DSS swimming lesson to sort it out. Hasn't happened since, but not comfortable when I'm a 45 minute drive away.

Maybe, hadn't thought of this. Will look into it. Thanks.