In laws prioritising younger son ..

[Bagpuss2022]

My DH is turning 42 on Monday we wasn’t going to really do anything apart from he’s off Monday and have a low key child free lunch.
my mum asked if we should have drinks and food (nibbles bring a dish etc) tomorrow Saturday I said yes it would be lovely we do this a lot in my family low key celebrations etc ,
we invited my siblings and my DM my DH is c close to my brother they have season tickets to our local team, sorry for rambling but to paint the true picture
DH phoned his mum today asked if they free to come tomorrow it was all last minute since we’d/Thu and her words were we are at BIL friends 30th so can’t make your get together .. they are prioritising DH younger brothers 30th over a few drinks and food for his birthday I could tell he was upset it’s like this all the time when it comes to DH and our DC .
he chose to live with his dad at 10 so he thinks that’s why his mum and step dad treat them differently but I have to say the step dad is my DCS only grandad and he’s amazing like goes out of his way to do nice things for them
i just feel sad for DH he has my family and he’s missing that

well 30th is a "big" birthday and it sounds like a previous engagement so not sure what the issue is unless there is backstory?

Dh only asked them the day before and they had already accepted an invite to another thing. Sorry I think yabu, they are not prioritising younger brother.

You said yourself that they already had plans, doesn't mean they are prioritising someone else. YABU

its their sons friends birthday?

Im presuming they must’ve rsvpd to his party and are close to the friend?

on its own i wouldn’t give it much thought but it’s obviously part of a bigger issue in your DHs relationship with his mother

They may not be coming on Saturday, but are they going to be seeing your DH on his actual birthday on Monday, or the day before, or the day after.

They already made plans for Saturday well before your impromptu invitation, which is unfortunate, but nonetheless they already had plans. But that doesn't mean they won't see him at all for his birthday.

I don't think it's fair to invite someone to something last minute (and it seems like you've planned this since Wednesday or Thursday and didn't even let them know on Wednesday or Thursday) and then be upset when they can't come. It puts them in an awkward position to have to cancel their original plans.

The brothers friends 30th is tonight not tomorrow should of been more clearer so they can’t come to DH drinks for a do tonight

Well, yeah, that's a completely different situation. Were they actively at the other party when you asked them? Do they have to travel to get to your house? Will it be too much if they're out tonight?

If she was at the party when DH rang then maybe she misunderstood and thought he was asking her to come today?

is the party far away, do they like to drink when they go out? Maybe they’re staying over or planning on being hungover?

Leave them be. It's last minute fair enough but they could pop in for a few minutes if they wanted. I'd just leave them.

I'm confused.

So they don't actually have plans tomorrow (when you're having your 'do')?

They have no plans for tomorrow we live less than 2 miles away they are at brothers friends 30th tonight so can’t say they can come tomorrow to DH “do”