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AIBU?

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Original poster

Never had a pregnancy scare

68 replies

Mushroo · 19/08/2022 20:00

Reading a lot of threads on here it seems a lot of babies are unplanned or surprise babies.

Despite having sex for about 15 years now, I’ve never had a scare. (Used a mixture of the pill and condoms - not both at the same time!).

Am i unusual in that I’ve never had a scare?

Are all these unplanned / surprise babies actually contraceptive failures, or people just not using any contraception in the heat of the moment?

(If anyone is like me, did you go on to conceive when you tried? It’s starting to worry me!)

Curious as to what people mean by ‘surprise’ babies

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 19/08/2022 20:16

@turquoise1988 no I don't know it. I just see a lot of self congratulatory women saying things like "I've been having sex for 30 years and never had a pregnancy scare" Well whoop de doo for you. People who have 'Pregnancy Scares' don't have them for fun and the fast majority don't have them through their own stupidity. At best they are accidents at worst they are the result or a crime. Not having had one doesnt make you superior to people who have which seems to be the mood of this thread.

70billionthnamechange · 19/08/2022 20:20

@Hellocatshome but she's not saying she's superior tho

Lifeisrelentless · 19/08/2022 20:25

I used the pull out method for years and years with dh which I know certainly isn’t the most reliable method, and never once had a pregnancy scare! I also worried about whether I’d be able to fall pregnant, but fell pregnant within 4 months with ds1 and fell pregnant first time trying with my current pregnancy!

sevenoh · 19/08/2022 20:25

I never had a pregnancy scare when on contraceptives.

I conceived both babies very easily.

turquoise1988 · 19/08/2022 20:25

@Hellocatshome

It sounds like you have had a traumatic experience and this thread has provoked an emotional reaction in you. I am truly sorry for what you've been through, that must be hideous.

But the OP isn't talking about rape. I think you know she isn't talking about rape. Also, nowhere has she said she is superior.

People should be allowed to ask questions and have respectful debates on here without others jumping to attack them all the time. It's not necessary.

Hellocatshome · 19/08/2022 20:26

Been having sex regularly for 30 years & never once had a pregnancy scare. I also think there is some carelessness involved with unplanned pregnancies- it’s quite hard to get pregnant.

OP didn't but comments like this certainly have a superior air to them. There is a lot more to some unplanned pregnancies than being careless. I dont think people dealing with the stress of unplanned pregnancy need to be labeled as careless, it doesn't help anyone.

Rtmhwales · 19/08/2022 20:26

I had an accidental pregnancy while on the implant that had worked solidly for 5 years (2 of them consecutively), in the middle of divorcing my husband, moving countries and being unemployed. So horrible circumstances in which you'd definitely not want a baby (though he's wonderful).

My friends used the withdrawal method for nine years before deciding to have a baby and got pregnant the first cycle for DS and the second cycle for their DC due in October.

Other friend never had a pregnancy scare, went off the pill and got pregnant the first cycle.

So it's all a gamble really.

Beautiful3 · 19/08/2022 20:27

Same here. Having sex for 24 years. Never had a pregnancy scare. Always condoms/the pill/injection/coil. Never without contraception. I wonder if some people pretend their contraception failed?

Louise0701 · 19/08/2022 20:27

@blebbleb I got pregnant with DD1 whilst on the depo. Not sure how I can use that incorrectly? Yes, there are definitely contraception failures.

Sometimeswinning · 19/08/2022 20:28

I always assume its because the op knows aibu will derail the thread with why did you have a baby in this situation???

I also hate the usual I'm all for women being able to choose to abort but its not for me. This usual follows as an explanation to stop the question of why they didn't make different choices.

Hellocatshome · 19/08/2022 20:29

turquoise1988 · 19/08/2022 20:25

@Hellocatshome

It sounds like you have had a traumatic experience and this thread has provoked an emotional reaction in you. I am truly sorry for what you've been through, that must be hideous.

But the OP isn't talking about rape. I think you know she isn't talking about rape. Also, nowhere has she said she is superior.

People should be allowed to ask questions and have respectful debates on here without others jumping to attack them all the time. It's not necessary.

I dont believe I attacked OP but if she feels that way I apologise. I just think its important to remember unplanned pregnancies can happen for a variety of reasons and not having had one is not some sort of achievement.

TheCutter · 19/08/2022 20:30

Been having sex for 14 years, 3 different partners. Never had a scare either. Husband, though, has male factor infertility so not sure if that made a difference (been with only him for 12 of those 14 years...but we just got pregnant naturally in April after a successful icsi baby too ..so who knows!)

MercuryOnTheRise · 19/08/2022 20:30

OP, before I was married, decades ago and using either pill, condom or coil, I never had a scare either. I was nearly 32 when I married DH and genuinely thought I might be infertile.

As soon as I/we stopped using contraception, I got pg every single time. Sadly we had secondary infertility and only have two children despite many many pregnancies. I honestly, however, don't think I've ever had unprotected sex and not got pregnant.

fyn · 19/08/2022 20:35

I got pregnant whilst using the contraceptive patch. I can only guess it wasn’t stuck down properly because I used it for years uneventfully before that!

Dancingbea · 19/08/2022 20:36

All of my children were conceived without ttc. I was lucky in that I could have them and I am glad I did. However in different circumstances that might not have been the case. So yes unplanned pregnancies happen. So much depends on she, frequency of sex, age and therefore fertility, type of contraception being used. If the op is worrying that she may not conceive because of lack of unplanned pregnancy thus far - then don’t worry! But we don’t need to judge women who do experience unplanned pregnancy as universally lax.

Kam610 · 19/08/2022 20:37

I'd never had a pregnancy scare from when I started being sexually active right up until when we planned to have a baby. I fell pregnant on our first month of trying.

Our second was a surprise and unplanned, but this was due to using no contraception (so shouldn't have really been surprised) but we had been trying to avoid sex around ovulation.

Hardbackwriter · 19/08/2022 20:40

I don't quite know what you mean by scare - do you just mean unplanned pregnancy, or thinking you might be? I spent half my late teens/early 20s convinced/utterly terrified I might be pregnant despite contraception but I never was, it was just sheer paranoia!

It took me a longish and hard time to have my first child and I did wonder if I was sub-fertile and so all my contraception paranoia had been for nought. But then for DC2 I got pregnant (and carried to term, which had been my main previous problem) from one single unprotected shag. So that anecdata tells you... nothing.

Incidentally my real-life experience is that unplanned babies don't feel that common - I actually can only think of a few of women I know who had unplanned pregnancies and all three then had abortions. Obviously I don't know the circumstances in which most of the people I know and encounter had their children, but for everyone I know well enough to know their children were planned.

U2HasTheEdge · 19/08/2022 20:42

I fell pregnant on the copper coil. It was perfectly in place when they scanned me. It just didn't work, despite how rare that is. When they removed it they said I would likely miscarry- she is 13 years old now.

BrownTableMat · 19/08/2022 20:43

Isn’t ‘pregnancy scare’ what you say you had when you thought you were pregnant but it turned out you weren’t? Happened to me following a one night stand in freshers week. We used a condom but were pretty drunk and I couldn’t swear we’d used it correctly. Then I missed a period. Three negative tests and a trip to the doctor (for another negative test) later I was still convinced I must be pregnant as I’d never missed a period before. Then my next period came right on time. I think it was probably the stress of starting university, and I have subsequently missed the occasional period through stress. It could just about have been a very early miscarriage but the negative tests make me think that’s unlikely.

If my understanding of ‘pregnancy scare’ is correct, the women who don’t have them are the ones lucky enough to have entirely regular and predictable periods so they never end hp
wrongly thinking they’re pregnant.

YahBooFucks · 19/08/2022 20:44

No scares for me either and fell pregnant very quickly with both of mine (with my first, I think within 2 months of trying, with my second it was pretty much first time we tried!).
I used the pill for a bit until I realised it was horrible for me, then condoms, then years of withdrawal (obviously we were both aware this was risky but were OK with getting pregnant if it happened). Zero "scares".

Keha · 19/08/2022 20:45

Only had a "scare" pre pill as a teenager when using condoms and even then it was just me panicking, no real chance I was pregnant. Went on the pill at 17 followed by implant, no "scares" since then. Got pregnant easily once I stopped using contraception so I think it was just that the contraception worked and especially the implant is very easy to just not worry about. Appreciate it might be harder for people who don't really tolerate hormonal contraceptives.

PeloAddict · 19/08/2022 20:45

I was on the pill, we used a condom and he didn't finish inside me
I got pregnant Confused
No scares except that (I was religious about taking the pill too) and since had a coil fitted

JulesCobb · 19/08/2022 20:46

Hellocatshome · 19/08/2022 20:16

@turquoise1988 no I don't know it. I just see a lot of self congratulatory women saying things like "I've been having sex for 30 years and never had a pregnancy scare" Well whoop de doo for you. People who have 'Pregnancy Scares' don't have them for fun and the fast majority don't have them through their own stupidity. At best they are accidents at worst they are the result or a crime. Not having had one doesnt make you superior to people who have which seems to be the mood of this thread.

The point of op’s post was what do you mean by an accident? Do you mean the contraception you used was correctly and failed, or you didn't use it at all? Op is concerned that so many people have accidental pregnancies that means she must be infertile. She is asking whether accidentally pregnant actually means took a chance using no contraception and fell pregnant.

BogRollBOGOF · 19/08/2022 20:48

I once took the MAP after being concerned about contraceptive failiure. The pharmacist asked how long it had been, I looked at my watch and said 20 minutes. From the look on their face, I don't think that was the average answer 😂

I have always tried to be careful except when TTC because my existance is proof that unplanned pregnancies can happen in less than ideal circumstances. Obviously I'm glad I exist, and the world is not a simple place, but if I could reasonably avoid a badly timed pregnancy I tried to.

JulesCobb · 19/08/2022 20:48

BrownTableMat · 19/08/2022 20:43

Isn’t ‘pregnancy scare’ what you say you had when you thought you were pregnant but it turned out you weren’t? Happened to me following a one night stand in freshers week. We used a condom but were pretty drunk and I couldn’t swear we’d used it correctly. Then I missed a period. Three negative tests and a trip to the doctor (for another negative test) later I was still convinced I must be pregnant as I’d never missed a period before. Then my next period came right on time. I think it was probably the stress of starting university, and I have subsequently missed the occasional period through stress. It could just about have been a very early miscarriage but the negative tests make me think that’s unlikely.

If my understanding of ‘pregnancy scare’ is correct, the women who don’t have them are the ones lucky enough to have entirely regular and predictable periods so they never end hp
wrongly thinking they’re pregnant.

This is my understanding of the term pregnancy scare too. However, it was very, very clear what op meant in the context of the opening post.