To not want to spend a week of precious hols with in-laws

[Thisiswhatmakesusgirls]

Dh is rarely off, one week last year and Christmas for two.
He has two weeks off and we’re all excited to spend it together, mainly around where we live (beach area) and will go away for a few days.
Dh’s family is now coming to stay for the first week (not with us, but not far)
Aibu not to want to spend a full week of our own family hols with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

Best way to find out is to ask them...

@AryaStarkWolf He can’t sadly, it’s when they all take holidays (company closes for two weeks)

ah right I see, I mean if the in laws didn't know he was off you could tell them that it's when you were on holidays and you had stuff planned and won't be able to meet everyday, I don't think it's rude in that case.

I thought this was parents-in-law and thought you were being a bit tight. If it's BIL/SIL family I do kind of get it - it can be quite hard work entertaining people you don't know well with kids a very different age to your own.

But I suspect your DH will be happy to go along with it as he may be quite pleased to see something of his side of the family, and feel much less pissed off than you do.

In which case, if you actually see a lot of your side of the family, and you do have a second week to do what you originally planned, it's not unreasonable for you to just suck it up and make the best of the situation.

Two weeks is quite a long time for a family holiday with a 4 year old and you might find it wouldn't be quite as idyllic as you are imagining. Having a different pace/focus for the first week might even help you enjoy the second week more.

They have a teenager.

Say ‘let’s have a lovely beach day, see you down there’.

Get there at 10am and enjoy at least 3 hours of family sandcastle building before the teen gets out of bed 😉

book somewhere away for a wk quickly - doesn't matter where - don't let them ruin your hols.

2 days max, you're busy otherwise quick trip to B&Q for paint/wallpaper for your DH otherwise...😉🤫

Morning stuff only - your DC wakes early presumably, and needs a nap later when the teen surfaces
Oh dear, that's a pity...
try to keep a straight face

I don’t see my brother and family very often, I’m putting myself in their shoes and thinking I’d be thrilled to get away with them. It’s so hard having limited time off but people need to see their family too and actually the people I think we won’t have a great time with we end up having a blast with!! (basically I’m no help but have a lovely holiday!)

If they do want to meet every day, is it weird if I don’t go each time? Just have a break at home? Or I could say I’m cleaning/getting things ready for our holiday etc

When your children have grown up, and maybe married, do you like to think that they will still see each other?

@CaptainCorellisXylophone I only have one child…but of course, and they are seeing each other 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes I'd do this, suggest days, Tuesday and Thursday maybe?

What I meant was (assuming this is DH's sibling, you're being very vague) isn't it nice that he still gets to see them when they visit?

It's all unclear, but if I flew halfway round the world to stay next to my brother or sister, and knowing that they then chose to go away, is be underwhelmed.

@CaptainCorellisXylophone Flew halfway round the world? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well, we're all guessing on the basis of very little info. They are traveling and staying near you, so they're not local.

We don't have any context as to whether they are mainly coming to see DH or mainly coming to [visit the world famous pencil museum that you happen to live near]?

@CaptainCorellisXylophone 👍

Unless they're nasty people I'd just spend time with them. One week out of 52 is nothing really. I spend at least 6 weeks a year with my in-laws because they live abroad so we see each other for longer periods. It's not ideal but they're lovely and they're family. I think in the UK we tend to keep extended daily at arm's length which is rather sad really.

Do you not like them OP?
I ask because initially you were upset that they were taking up your family time when your husband has time off. But later you ask if you not going to every meet up would be rude?
I think it’s a shame that you see your family quite frequently but are not prepared to give up a week for your husband to have some quality time with his.

What is yo ur relationship with them like?

We recently had a family holiday. We did something's together during the day but not every day. We did eat together every night though. Restaurant one night, activity one night and the rest were meals at home. Always in bed by 10 or 11.

It was a nice balance, we all enjoyed it.

Why does he not get proper holidays? I thought you were legally entitled to them?

He does get proper holidays. It's quite common to have to take holiday when, say, a factory is on shutdown. In one of my first jobs I had to take the first week in July as a holiday. Teachers can't take random weeks off, they have to be out of term time.

@Svalberg the OP said last year he only had 3 weeks total, that’s not statutory minimum?

I assume as they didn’t check with you before booking they are not expecting to see you all day every day

It depends on what his working hours are, and how many days he actually took. In the past I've carried 5 days over due to not taking the full annual allocation, and other years I've taken a (compulsory) week at Christmas, a week in early summer, a week in autumn and odd days here and there - generally to make long weekends.