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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Contact to children

10 replies

Lifeofme1984 · 18/08/2022 09:52

looking for some opinions please.
I have 2 sons, one has ASD (4) and one is NT (5) they have been going to see their dad Tuesdays and Saturdays (he is a shift worker but can get an agreement, also has 2 days off in the week) Saturday I would drop them off to their older sister at 1.30 for their dad to come back after work, the sister has now got a Saturday job so their dad is now saying that he will pick them up at 4.30 on a Saturday and they will be back at 10am on a Sunday… I’m not 100% happy with this mostly because of my ASD child and his need for routine and also, no quality time is being spent as they are going to bed 2-3 hours after he even picks them up, so I’ve said that I’m not happy with that…. Am I being unreasonable? Also to be totally transparent, I don’t have any family where I am, I stayed close so their dad could have a relationship with them, so also it really restricts me too, is it bad that I would also like to have some ‘free’ time (couldn’t say this to him as he is a master manipulator of words) it’s really difficult being a single parent and also having a child with additional needs and no support is hard sometimes too.
He’s now saying he will only have them once a week on the Tuesday and he is taking me through mediation ( I have tried to take him to mediation twice and he’s ignored it) saying im stopping him seeing his kids etc etc.
ive tried to write this as clearly as possible to give the reader an idea of the situation as I really want to know if I’m being unreasonable. Thank you x

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 18/08/2022 09:57

Go to mediation have a very specific idea of your wishes he obviously cannot force his sister to hive up her job

rahjama · 18/08/2022 09:57

You are right that 4:30pm-10am the next day doesn't allow for quality time. Why is Saturday his day if he doesn't see the children until almost the evening? can you change the Saturday to another day.

I am confused as to how you are stopping him from seeing his children if he is the one saying he will only do one day a week now.

If you've tried to take him to mediation twice and he's ignored it, surely it's a good thing now he's up for it?

It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable.

Isaidnoalready · 18/08/2022 09:58

Did he always return them at 10am on the Sunday?

underneaththeash · 18/08/2022 09:59

Can he not just bring them back later on a Sunday? Say 4.30pm on a Saturday to 3pm Sunday.

Lifeofme1984 · 18/08/2022 10:03

He works Saturday and Sunday because of his shifts so starts earlier on a Sunday. I used to pick them up at 11.00 on a Sunday as I did all the pick ups and drop offs to help him but we had a disagreement and he was verbally abusive to me so I told him we would split the picks ups etc

OP posts:
Lifeofme1984 · 18/08/2022 10:05

Yes I totally agree to the mediation, he doesn’t tell me til the week before to confirm the days because of his shift work so I would love to know in advance and also what extra days he is having rhem
in his leave too as he just decides what suits him.

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 18/08/2022 10:05

Honestly I don't think Saturday will work for you unless he changes his hours

Lifeofme1984 · 18/08/2022 10:07

Isaidnoalready · 18/08/2022 10:05

Honestly I don't think Saturday will work for you unless he changes his hours

He has 2 days off during the week, he decides he wants a day to himself, but if I force the 2 days together which would be better for my children and myself, then it would be school time pick ups anyway so does that make me unreasonable ?

OP posts:
shiningstar2 · 18/08/2022 10:08

Could he collect them Saturday evening and have them all day Sunday? That way you get Saturday night off plus a full day next day?

shiningstar2 · 18/08/2022 10:09

Ah ...two days off in week means he's not off on Sunday so that wouldn't work 🤔

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