feeling this way

[PimlicoUK]

My DD started school last year. I don't have a "mums tribe" as such and was hoping to establish something via the school. Except nothing has happened. There's lots of cliques at the school gate but, try as I might, I get very much ignored or greeted with a wary smile and stagnated small talk. My DD does get invited to bdays and is very sociable and seems happy.

I know this sounds desperate but I guess I'm trying to acknowledge that I'm feeling incredibly lonely and isolated. My DD will start to notice and I won't know how to explain why mummy doesn't get invited to coffee catchups or other social events.

Do I just accept that this is how it is?

I know this is tough OP.

I've moved around a lot and have had to start afresh at a few schools so recognise how tough it is. Plenty of times I've walked away from the gates with tears in my eyes.
What I found helped was to recognise that a lot of what seem like 'cliques' are actually just established friendship groups which might possibly have been formed a while ago at pre-school, play groups, NCT type meetings, through work or frequently, the (usually) women involved may have older children at the school and have known each other for years. These no real reason to think that you should just be able to walk into one.

So what to do.

Well, I volunteered at school (reading schemes etc) is that a possibility? Doing something like this helped my visability I think and gave other parents a 'way in' to talk to me too.... or tagged along to the park etc after school. Lots of parents stopped there on the way home and even if no one talked to me at first I would count even a 'hello' or some eye contact as a win.
The fact your DD is doing well socially is great - don't forget that's mainly down to you, ask her who she's buddying up with and ask them over for a play date. Be up front with the parent, say 'hi, 😀 I' m new here and tbh, have no idea where to start with all this - it's all new to me! But it looks like my DD and yours are getting on, could we pop along to the park sometime? Maybe a play date? What would work for you? '

Just re - read that, sorry if it sounds brutal or like I think you are at fault, I'm sure this isn't the case, just typing in a hurry.

Maybe you're trying too hard.
Just keep smiling but have zero expectations.
I've never fitted into the school ground cliques- but have respond to the more friendlier mums and found friends there.
Years later there is even a couple I'm still friends with -

Don’t focus on “mum friends”. Trying to force friendships with people simply because you all have being parents in common is pretty pointless. Your DD won’t notice that you don’t go for coffee with these women - but if she did, better to teach her that you don’t need to be friends with somebody just because you’re forced into the same box as them, and that genuine friendships often take a long time to build.

Do you have a partner / babysitter availability which would allow you the time to join groups or activities you’re interested in and the chance to make friends based on having real things in common and shared interests?

Drop off on the bell and pick up on the bell was my motto. Really glad the school gate crap is behind me.