Annoyed at SIL

[Mum070322]

To provide some background I organized a day out for myself DH and DS I was going to invite friends with kids but SIL was saying how she wants to spend time with DS so I said she could come along.

fast forward to the day myself and DH have an argument that morning (I stay argument but he stormed in the room our baby was sleeping shouting because I cleaned less and my hair is around the house)

He was being verbally abusive so I told him I’m not accepting that behavior picked up DS left and went to my parents house messaged SIL told her 1 hour before she was leaving that day out was canceled sorry for inconvenience will reimburse her for her ticket.

she didn’t see my message and whilst I was at my parents messaged DH to say she was on the way and he then told her to turn around.

At this point DH was trying to convince me to go ahead with day out telling me I’ve pissed her off. I’ve refused mainly because I’m not normalizing his behavior being rude and aggressive towards each other.

instead I come home 4 hours later he’s being extra nice apologising we discuss the argument I make it clear my hair falling out due to PP and in the week with a baby don’t have time to run around with a Hoover everyday and explain that I’ve cleaned less due to just starting weaning and constantly making and cleaning up food and doing baths everyday my time is being spent differently.

however I did see on his phone SIL called me a bitch for canceling plans and said she felt so sorry for him having to tidy when I’m “just at home all day” and how dare I go off and take our baby.

am I wrong to still be annoyed with her SIL has no children of her own and has no idea how to look after a baby or how time consuming it is

also both her and MIL make comments as if I’m just a housewife which is not the case I have a career (unlike them) I contribute 50% when not on Mat leave and normally pay half of all bills DH also drives my car.

I feel like I didn’t need to bother inviting her in the first place DH doesn’t organize days out and frankly since I’m a bitch won’t be inviting her in the future.

I did however when DH said she was already on the way I messaged to say just the three of us to go

Sounds like there is a bit of a backstory we don't know about. I wouldn't get worked up over it.
It's her brother, she was probably looking forward to a nice day out with her nephew. It got cancelled. She was venting to her brother who probably had a whinge and told her HIS side of an argument .... you want to be angry OP then fair enough.... but you have a DH problem not a SIL one.

Oh and people swear. 🙄
That's not the issue.

Why exactly are you looking at messages on your DH phone?
What with this and your other thread, you sound controlling.

Anymore moaning about your in-laws this morning?

am I wrong to still be annoyed with her SIL has no children of her own and has no idea how to look after a baby or how time consuming it is

also both her and MIL make comments as if I’m just a housewife which is not the case I have a career (unlike them) I contribute 50% when not on Mat leave and normally pay half of all bills DH also drives my car.

Why are you focused on the behaviour of your SiL & MiL, instead of the fact that your H is an arsehole?

instead I come home 4 hours later he’s being extra nice apologising we discuss the argument I make it clear my hair falling out due to PP and in the week with a baby don’t have time to run around with a Hoover everyday and explain that I’ve cleaned less due to just starting weaning and constantly making and cleaning up food and doing baths everyday my time is being spent differently.

Why, in the name of all that's holy, does this need explaining to the twat?

He actually told you off for losing some hair due to PP hormonal changes?

Go back to your mum's til he apologises.
A genuine apology, where he acknowledges how much you do, how you contribute in both paid work & childcare/housework.

That’s it for now ☺️

I'm not sure why you're angry at your SIL. She has every right to be angry with you, however. I would be really pissed off with you too

Good!

Personally I would concentrate on improving your relationship with your DH, your concern about getting consent for nappy change is ridiculous and not necessary and not getting consent will not harm your baby.

However, the constant rows with your DH will upset and harm your baby.

Your in laws are not your issue, it is the relationship and the way you conduct you and your DH conduct this that is the issue.

OP, your marriage sounds really dysfunctional.

Looking at this and your nappy thread, I think you have some serious issues with your husband and are projecting that on to his family instead of addressing the real problem, which is that he is an awful husband.

Of course your sister in law shouldn't call you a bitch, but she actually didn't do that. She described you like that to someone else, in a message you shouldn't have been reading anyway. The fact that she can describe you like that to your husband and your husband has no issue with it is more of a DH problem than a SIL problem. Even when I definitely thought my SIL was being a massive bitch, I would not have said that to my brother because I was fully aware that he would be appalled if I spoke about his wife like that. I would certainly have described her as a bitch to other people, but not to my brother. If your husband's family think it's OK to talk about you to him like that, I'd say that's largely on him.

Are you a young mum op? Your posting history is very odd mil not allowed to change a baby's bum etc. You were rude to cancel but your relationship is completely toxic

I would be steaming and frankly never speak to her again after calling you a bitch. What a nasty AH. I would tell hubby to tell her you are sorry she was all alone, but she is going to be a lot more now after her text outburst. Unbelievable.

YANBU at all, and well done for cancelling, you did the right thing shoeing that you won’t present a happy front to appease DH.