Hello all, I need a sounding board and that, would normally be my husband, however, this involves him and his mum.
My husband and I, have been married for 19 years and we share 3 children together they are 18,15 and almost 3 years old.
My husband, wants us to send our middle child, over to his mother's house, on Friday evening like we used to do. Before our 18 year old moved out of our family home, (in October 2019).
Our 18 year old, has totally rebelled, and my husband's mum, took our son's side, things got really ugly so much so, that my mother in law, said to my husband, to treat her, as if she was dead, (that was in February this year), by the way my husband is my mother in law's, only child.
The thing is, there has been more downs, than ups, when it comes to my mother in law. She doesn't realise boundaries and thinks it's fine to be interfering in my marriage to her son.
It all started 18 years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child, I walked into, my mother in law's house, she and my husband were having a conversation regarding what religion our child, was going to be baptized and she said, that, if our child was going to be baptized a different religion than to what, my husband's family was, then my mother in law, wanted nothing to do with our child. She was, going to be God mother however, after that conversation, I said no.
The truth is my mother in law, lives on her own and is always emotionally guilt tripping my husband, regarding her loneliness and that nobody cares about her, but that is not true. Over the years, I've worked very hard to forgive and forget and to reach out and include her in our family and inviting her to our, family events such as birthdays, Christmases, Easters, school plays, family days, out her answer would always be sure you wouldn't want me there. We also invited and made her part of our last two children baptisms, were she was asked by my husband and I to be God mother to our last two children. I've put my feelings to one side, and to bite my tongue, on more than one occasion, for my husband's sake. But his mum still insists that she doesn't feel welcome in our home and she doesn't participate or involve herself as grandmother role with our 3rd child.
Things over the years were amicable, to begin with, for example she gave us furniture and kitchen appliances, for our first home and for our third home, she gave us some money to which I acknowledge and very appreciated of, but wouldn't any parent do the same, to help their child and their child's family if they could. But because of this, my husband, thinks that we should forget, all about the water that have gone, under the bridge.
You see, it's not as simple, as that, it has came out, in the wash, that over the years, my mother in law has been speaking badly about my husband and I, this happened before our eldest child moved out of home, (both children were going over to their Nanny's home on a regular basis, on a Friday evening).
Our middle child informed my husband and I, that his mother had been casting up old arguments and making belittling comments, about us, each time that the children went over. I mentioned this to my husband and he said, sure that's mum she's always been like that. I said, to him that your mum, isn't taken any responsibility, for contributing to the downfall, of our family unit, I said, she thinks that she hasn't done anything wrong. And my husband agreed. And said, she doesn't take responsibility for anything, that she's done wrong because in her eyes she hasn't.
However, last night my husband, took his mother, to see a consultant privately, regarding her health and because of what the consultant said, they are making out, as if she's on deaths door, even though no tests were done.
My mother in law, can be nice but when she's bad, she's one of the worst, and my husband would also have taken my mother in law's side, until lately, when he saw, what way his mother was yet again, interfering with us and our eldest child, (who she thinks is the golden child), rather than taken her own son's side.
And now because of this latest news, about her health and the fact that our eldest child, moved out of her home in March of this year, who has very little to do, with her now. My husband wants to ease his conscience, by sending our middle child over, even though she refused to go to our child's 15th birthday in late July to which she was invited to.
So, am I being unreasonable here, by preventing our child from going over?