Parenting and support goes way beyond 18

[Needwine999]

Everyone always talks about age 18 as if that's the age all parenting and financial help / emotional help stops but its not , is it? Seems we all 'parent' for a much longer time now in one way or another? Maybe to 25 or late 20's? I have friends whos 'children' just moved out at 28, or 29 , 25 if you are lucky.

I know its different to a young child but its still, well parenting to a point , it does not stop at 18 , not these days?

It never stopped at 18. A good parent continues to support, love, care for and worry about their children until the day they die.

You're right about financial support being more prolonged these days generally, but 18 was never the cut off for decent people. Done properly, it's a life sentence.

Who is "everyone"? Most parents support their children well into adulthood.

I always hear how at 18 it stops, one friend told her dd that's it Im done now you are 18, but i don't feel that way. It is a life sentence , spot on

I don't know anybody who expects to fully stop supporting their offspring at 18. Most support in some way until they are working full-time.

Tbh I’m not desperately keen on my toddler DS (age, not him personally)

But I’ve always had an eye to the long game. I knew the younger years would be hard but that’s the payoff for the rest of my life with my family. I don’t see it as a life sentence.

Well you love and support them all their lives. That doesn’t mean they can’t leave home and be independent though!
I have a 32 year old and a 27 year old. They had both left home by age 20. I’m still very much there for them and give help and support whenever they need it.

Then you need better friends. Seriously. People who expect their kids to fend for themselves at 18 are massive dicks and not to be emulated.

I provide emotional support to DC and rarely financial - they are 29 and 30

I don’t think anyone seriously things something changes in the day they turn 18. They are always your children, however I guess once they are adults they have more say in the relationship and support that you provide because they are able to be independent and have the amount on contact they want with you.

It seems years ago people were expected to leave 16 or 18 latest, now teenagers and young adults seem much younger?
Yes my friend said anything after 18 is a luxury for her dd , responsibility ends....

There's no finishing line as far as I' m concerned, obviously its a different kind of parenting but your children will always be in your life. l felt my own Mum drew the line once l moved out, that was her done, kind of attitude.

I'm mid 40s, my patents continued to "parent" me until I finished teacher training and got a proper job - aged 24.

That was normal back then, I wasn't unusual. I don't identify with OPs idea that years ago children were independent earlier.

In the 1920s, maybe. 1980s and 2990s, defo not.

I agree that parents give their children support, care, encouragement and understanding long after 28, but this is no longer “parenting” because the dynamic changes when you’re no longer fully guiding them on how to behave Etc. (Although if you still have to do this, then your parenting didn’t quite work in time!) so I did vote YABU for that reason

Well teenagers are expected to be in some form of education/training until 18 and then either go on to further education or work and don’t have the means to move out. We also don’t expect people to be getting married and starting a family so young. Society has changed.

I can never get my head around how anyone could just stop caring about their kids once they are 18. I'm autistic and hyper empathetic though so not 'feeling' anything is alien to me.

Unfortunately there are some hard nosed parents who have thrown their children out once they turn 18 and don't offer any help beyond that.
No letting them back home if things fail, no support financially or when they then start a family. Luckily this is not me but I have some friends who's parents literally wash their hands of them once they turned 18. It's sad

I think being a parent is a life sentenced (much wanted!), but parenting goes up to 18 years old in the sense that you have a target to provide your child with all the the skills needed for adulthood (studying, keeping a job, cooking, laundry...)
I cannot understand those who fully disengage after 18 (some at 16!) or those who still do everything for their young adult children at home. A middle ground is my target.

To be fair, I voluntarily left home at 18 to go travelling and haven't asked for help from my parents since. My older sister also left at 18, didn't travel but lived independently and also hasn't needed help. We're in our 30s now. It's not the norm these days but it's perfectly possible for children who are keen to be independent.

We’ll yeah, once a parent always a parent. They don’t reach 18 & suddenly a little switch flips off in your mind & you stop giving a damn. I’ll probably be worrying about my kids on my deathbed 🤨

And just because some people are more or less independent at 18 doesn’t mean their parents worry any less!!!

It really depends on the family. There are many mumsnet threats where parents expect their dc to contribute to rent and food expenses once they have a Saturday job, and many expect dc to either start work ft at 16 or to get part time job to fully support themselves through 6 form college and beyond. I personally feel that this is sad for the dc involved, but many people pride themselves of either being brought up like this or parenting like this. I personally think that too much financial responsibility enormously hampers a dc future earning power as they have less opportunity to study and gain qualifications. I was moved out by my parents at 16, as I could afford my own place due to a small inheritance from an aunt, so my parents didn't see it fit that they still had to house and feed me.

I'm 37, and my parents are my biggest supports and I'm unbelievably grateful for that. H walked out on me and DS last year, and I wouldn't have any kind of life, or still have my home, without them. I would do the same for DS too if he was in any situation that I could help with

It seems years ago people were expected to leave 16 or 18 latest, now teenagers and young adults seem much younger?

When years ago? What era are you thinking of exactly?

Maybe prior to 1900 for youngsters who went into service or apprenticeships but certainly not in living memory.

I lived on my own for the first time when I was 17 - my parents still parented me and gave me support, and now I'm in my 50's I still get that. My kids are in their early 20's and late teens and will get the same support I get.

I work with unemployed young people and it's so much harder for them to get on their feet in adult life without a supportive family. Jobs and housing are both difficult and rather volatile these days and young adults need a safety net sometimes and decent guidance available to help them navigate the world really helps.