AIBU? Indifferent grandparents 
Background; I had my first long awaited child three months ago. A baby girl. She is my parents first grandchild. My parents are divorced, both remarried for a very long time.
My dad lives a very long way away (six plus hours travel time) and, therefore, has only even able to come and see my daughter twice so far, but is due to visit again next week and we talk/text every week and he is always asking how she is/how I am etc. All good.
My mother on the other hand lives under an hours drive away (or 1.5 hours by train which is also an option as mum doesn’t herself drive, my step dad does). Since my daughter’s birth she and my step dad have only visited her once. The one time they visited was also a full month after she was born.
What is particularly bothering me is when I spoke to my mother in late June (we speak every couple of weeks on the phone) she said she had two sets of annual leave coming up, in July and August. So, she said she and stepdad would come and see me and, more importantly, my daughter, during one of those times. As stepdad doesn’t like the drive to where I live they said they would take the train. Fair enough, it’s a relatively straightforward journey (one change) and they get free travel too due to their age (late 60s). July came and went, no visit. August is rapidly passing and there has been no phone call to arrange a visit either. Radio silence.
It’s hard to summarise a family dynamic/history in a single post but it’s probably worth mentioning that I left home (mum and stepdads) when I was 17 due to emotional abuse from step father. Both are, in my opinion functioning alcoholics, and I was very much emotionally neglected during my childhood. Over the years we have rebuilt our relationship to a point where we are civil. They think we are close but we really are not. My mum and step dad are not the most sophisticated of people and I don’t think they fully understand the damage they caused (stepdad due to the abuse and my mother for failing to protect me). Our relationship from my point of view is very strained. However, they both tell me they love me on the phone or when I see them my mother with say “I love you so much” but the reality is they have never actually done anything to back up those statements. I find it uncomfortable when they say things like that. My mother has let me down on numerous big life occasions over the years since I left home but, in an effort to stay civil I have made allowances for it and just tried to be happy in my own life, but the truth is it does really hurt.
This latest disappointment of them not coming to visit when they said they could/would, just says to me that they are indifferent towards my daughter. That hurts. I can’t imagine not being anything but overjoyed to be a grandparent. I know when I am one day I would love to be really involved. I’d consider it a blessing and a privilege.
I guess I’m just looking for some advice on what to do going forward with my mother and stepfather. I know it’s ultimately their loss if they can’t be bothered (which is ultimately what it boils down to). I guess I just don’t want to act like their ambivalence is acceptable to me. Then again I don’t want an argument and I don’t want to pass on my complex feelings towards my mother/step father to my daughter. She can make her own mind up about them in due course. Then again I think it’s unfair on her for them to be fair weather occasional “grandparents”.
Any advice welcome.
Xx