Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if this is sweet or not..

27 replies

littlemermaid202 · 17/08/2022 12:43

I separated from my husband at the start of the year. Please no judgement on this post. He was quite emotionally abusive at the time.
I started seeing someone else, who was lovely. He's treated me very well.
I'm considering going back and giving it another go with my husband though.
The guy I'd been seeing more or less told me he was devastated and he would "be my piece on the side if he had to, as a bit of me is better than having none of me at all"
Would you say that sounds sweet, or that he was really just after one thing anyway?

OP posts:
Peashoots · 17/08/2022 12:44

Fucking hell OP. Honestly, you need to be single and work on your self esteem. I mean that in a kind way.

stuntbubbles · 17/08/2022 12:45

I think you would benefit from being single for a while, and seeking counselling.

DinaofCloud9 · 17/08/2022 12:45

It's quite a strange thing to say.

Not as strange as getting back with your emotionally abusive husband though.

Original poster
littlemermaid202 · 17/08/2022 12:46

Thank you. Is this because I'm considering going back to my husband? Genuine question, I'm just wondering what the reason is you both think this.

OP posts:
OneTC · 17/08/2022 12:46

Ay caramba

PuttingOnMyBestBra · 17/08/2022 12:47

No, I think that anyone who cared about me would wish me well and quietly wait in the sidelines , not think about what they wanted

Original poster
littlemermaid202 · 17/08/2022 12:47

PuttingOnMyBestBra · 17/08/2022 12:47

No, I think that anyone who cared about me would wish me well and quietly wait in the sidelines , not think about what they wanted

This is what I was wondering too.

OP posts:
SpiritedAway22 · 17/08/2022 12:48

You lack self esteem. Be single and work on yourself.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 17/08/2022 12:49

It all sounds very unhealthy TBH - I wouldn’t want a spineless man who said such things when I was dumping him.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 17/08/2022 12:49

That's not sweet. It's also concerning how quickly you moved on to a new relationship after leaving a marriage. Some time single is necessary after a relationship break up, I think.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 17/08/2022 12:49

Why in the Christ would you be going back to your abusive husband. Don’t do this. Get therapy.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 17/08/2022 12:50

Why would you return to abuse when you have found someone kind? Bonkers

Johnnysgirl · 17/08/2022 12:51

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 17/08/2022 12:49

It all sounds very unhealthy TBH - I wouldn’t want a spineless man who said such things when I was dumping him.

This.

Marluuu · 17/08/2022 12:54

Apart from this other man’s reaction (which is strange I think and doesn’t sound like he’s very invested in you), what good shall come out of going back to your emotionally abusive husband while keeping another man at the side? I really can’t imagine any scenario where this set up would lead to a happy end, so I’m curious what your reasoning behind this is.

Clarinet1 · 17/08/2022 12:55

Sorry OP but I don’t think I either of these men sounds like a good option. One has already been abusive and the other talking about “Having some of you if he can’t have all of you” shows signs that he would become possessive to me. I’m with those who recommend spending some time on your own and perhaps some counselling or therapy.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 17/08/2022 12:56

People who are emotionally abusive are that way because of specific beliefs they have. It's not a conscious thing, either, so they're very deeply ingrained behaviour patterns. Not something that will have changed in six months. He may want to change (more likely he just wants you back), but he has no idea how non-abusive people think let alone act. He would need years of hard work in therapy to see you as an equal partner. That ain't gonna happen, op. Don't go back.

Soubriquet · 17/08/2022 12:57

Why would you go back? He abused you.

Original poster
littlemermaid202 · 17/08/2022 12:57

I wouldn't keep the other man on the side, it was him who said this it certainly wasn't something I would consider.
Maybe emotionally abusive was a bit harsh. We went through a rough time in our individual lives (deaths, illness, pregnancy losses) and I think we took it out on and took each other for granted.
I just couldn't work out of it was a desperate plea to still have me in his life as he actually liked me so much.. or if it was more of a well if I can still sleep with you I don't really care what my status is in your life kind of thing.

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 17/08/2022 12:58

I think whether it's sweet or not is irrelevant. What's more important is that you are considering going back to an abusive man. And that prior to this comment re "piece not the side" you were considering abandoning a relationship you claim is a good one.

You have much bigger issues here.

Whatwouldscullydo · 17/08/2022 12:59

If your choices are an abusive husband ir a man that is happy to just keep shagging you on the side ( I mean he gets all the fun akd none if rhe responsibility. What's in it fir u? Then please stay single.

You can do so much better.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 17/08/2022 12:59

Being single is excellent, you know. You get to put yourself first, which you may not be used to. I was single for six years (no dating whatsoever) and loved having my own place, making my own decisions (food, what to do today, what to watch, how much money to spend). Very highly recommended!

Augustiner · 17/08/2022 13:01

No it's not sweet. He is willing to complicate your life by (hypothetically) having an affair with you when you are back with your husband. Sweet would.be to just let you go.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 17/08/2022 13:01

desperate plea to still have me in his life as he actually liked me so much.. or if it was more of a well if I can still sleep with you I don't really care what my status is in your life kind of thing

Whichever it is, this is not someone with good self-esteem who holds you in high esteem.

LuaDipa · 17/08/2022 13:05

The new bloke seems a bit desperate but I think you really should reconsider going back to an emotionally abusive husband. You are backtracking now but you used those words for a reason. Think about why.

Johnnysgirl · 17/08/2022 13:15

littlemermaid202 · 17/08/2022 12:57

I wouldn't keep the other man on the side, it was him who said this it certainly wasn't something I would consider.
Maybe emotionally abusive was a bit harsh. We went through a rough time in our individual lives (deaths, illness, pregnancy losses) and I think we took it out on and took each other for granted.
I just couldn't work out of it was a desperate plea to still have me in his life as he actually liked me so much.. or if it was more of a well if I can still sleep with you I don't really care what my status is in your life kind of thing.

I imagine the latter. Why are you back tracking on the emotionally abusive description, btw? It's not something you type by mistake, whilst actually thinking something else entirely.

Swipe left for the next trending thread