To ask what your thought would be?

[iwannazoom]

If you heard that someone was 35 and they have never been in a relationship before, then you later found out they are autistic would your first thought be that must be the reason why they have never been in relationship before?

Yep. If I’m honest if someone was 35 and never been in a relationship I’d assume something like autism or similar before I’d found out.

I wouldn’t necessarily think of it as “the reason” but I’d probably assume it was a contributing factor

Yes

I wouldn’t, no. I have friends who have never been in a relationship, are in their 30s and are not autistic so it wouldn’t be my first thought really.

Yes I would. But in an understanding way not judgemental if that even makes any sense.

Never been in a relationship or never had an experience with the opposite sex?

I know plenty of people who have dated in their 20s and 30s but not been in a proper relationship. I think mental health and anxiety.

I would probably think the autism was a factor. Having said that, I know quite a few autistic people in long term relationships.

Same.

It totally depends on the context - they'll obviously have many other possible facets to their life and circumstances (religion, family situation, caring responsibilities, career demands, rural living, etc etc) too, so I'm not sure how it would benefit me to know one thing about them in order to fully understand how their whole life had unfolded the way it did up until now.

If they say that's the reason they don't want/haven't had romantic relationships, then I'll take them at their word, obviously.

No I wouldn't

My brother is autistic, 35, never been in a relationship. I believe his autism plays a huge part in this

I wouldn’t think anything either way until I knew more about them, eg how high functioning they were and what their most prominent autistic traits were.

FWIW of the people I know who have either never had relationships or were late bloomers in that respect, none of them are autistic.

Yes, but not in the way you mean I don't think.

not because no one would want to be in a relationship with them because they're autistic, just because you weren't ready to be in a relationship and your autism could be contributing to that.

Lots of autistic people struggle to have relationships

I know quite few lovely bright attractive women who has never been in a relationships at 35 and the reasons are things like very demanding jobs, cultural/religion, caring for ill family members or just not being fussed about it - focussing on other elements of their life.
One of these women is ND but not autistic.

So no, i wouldn’t assume it was one thing or another unless that person told me autism was a contributing factor.

I don't have diagnosed autism, but i do have severe diagnosed OCD and PTSD that has stopped me living a "normal" life. Meant having to drop out of school, no college/uni, never been able to work. Spent my teen and early adult years being almost completely housebound so no going out meeting people, all my friendships were online, and as such, so were my "relationships". 2 long distance relationships during which i had the full emotional side of the relationship, but never physical as i was too unwell to travel so never met them in person even though it was the eventual goal.18-21 with partner 1 (thankfully never met as he threatened untold physical sexual abuse while emotionally and financially and sexually abusing me via all other forms of contact) and 22-25 with partner 2, who was also emotionally and finanmcially abusive, and cheated multiple times, then strung me along until i was 28 with the possibility of getting back together (he originally left me). Both from UK but down south, i'm north.
I then met my current partner, who was only a 45 minute journey away, but during lockdown. As such we dated online only for 5 months til restrictions lifted, during which i had some improvement in my OCD, and we met in person. We now see eachother weekly, and it is incredible.

So yes, i would certainly think a lot of people with mental health conditions are negatively affected in the relationship ability department. It doesn't necessarily mean they cannot or won't have any kind of relationship at all, but it may mean they have an unconventional form of relationship, don't have relationships until later in life, etc.
Some people may genuinely just not be interested in romantic/sexual/otherwise none-platonic relationships, so lack of relationship history doesn't have to mean its not possible/difficult, but may simply be choice.

Exactly the same for my brother

I'd actually be concerned if he did end up in a relationship, for the person he was with. No way able to have a healthy relationship with his pretty mild ASD (he had an Asperger's diagnosis when that was still a separate one)

No, I wouldn’t. I’d be more inclined to think that they may flourish being single. Not everyone wants a relationship, just most people do.

No, I have friends in their 30's who haven't had a relationship and aren't autistic.

Well I've had relationships and I'm autistic. Granted they were with people who treated me like shit and I think I put up with it because of undiagnosed (at that point) autism.
It could be autism, could be dated a lot but didn't find the right one, slept around a lot but didn't want to commit, moved around a lot, had caring responsibilities, had a demanding job and no time, had lots of hobbies and no time, or a hundred and one other reasons.

Well there's charming for you. I really hope you meant that in a completely different way to how it came out.

I might think it contributed, yes.

It's not that I think autism automatically means someone wouldn't have a partner, far from it, but I know that it can have an effect on interpersonal relationships (DH is autistic, so firsthand experience) and that might have played a part.

Not necessarily. I know several adults who didn't have relationships until their late 30s or their forties for various different reasons.