Would it be wrong to say thanks so soon?

[Oktosaythankyou]

My friend’s parent died last week . She (friend) is considerably
older than me . My parent’s going to die in the future of the same illness .

Friend messaged me a couple of days after her parent passed away and she sent the most lovely message about how she felt relieved, how she saw the illness fading away and back to lovely memories.

I’ve no idea if she meant it as a comfort to me for my own situation - I’m scared that by assuming it was meant that way I sound selfish - but it was, hugely . I’m supporting my younger sibling through this and I know my friend’s words helped her too.

I want to say thanks, but I’m scared it’s too soon, or that it’ll look like I’m turning the situation in to me when what’s important just now is her and her grief .

I don’t know if I should say thanks, or hold off, or not mention it at all . What would you do?

I'd thank her for her lovely message, and for taking the time to write to you during such a difficult point in her life.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It must be very difficult.

@Topseyt123
I think this is perfect advice.
And sending OP lots of love x

I think your friend would appreciate you replying to her message.

It's fine to share that you found some comfort in her words, as you hope she can find some peace amidst her own grief by holding onto good memories?

It's really difficult to find the right words when someone dies. A lot of people find friends avoid speaking to them at all for fear of saying the wrong thing.

She's a good friend so whatever you say won't make her grief worse if that makes sense.

I don’t follow why you feel the need to wait. Go ahead ! I think she said whatever she said because she meant well and it’s polite for you to now say thanks. Unless I’m missing something significant here ….

I would get in touch asap, and include in your condolences something about how beautiful her words were.

Did you know her parent directly? If so, include your favourite memories of them, o echo what she’s saying about her lovely memories.

You can come back to how it striking a particular chord with you in later messages

Oh I’ve sent condolences etc, it was just when trying to figure out the best support for sibling (there’s additional issues making that difficult) and re-reading friend’s email wasn’t sure if she’d meant what she said as a comfort or not, or if she was just genuinely saying how she felt - but it very much has come across as a huge comfort . Put my mind at ease a little bit about my own mum’s probable ending .

Just wasn’t sure if I should say thanks as was worried that’s sort of turning it all back to my situation when right now her biggest priority must be her own grief, I imagine, didn’t want to seem I was being self centred or anything or to say the wrong thing !

I’ve sent her a wee message just saying not sure if she intended it to be a comfort but it was, very much so, and how hugely grateful I am to her . She is a very good friend yes, don’t know what I’d do without her .

I think she'll be touched with your reply.

For what it's worth you sound like a really thoughtful caring friend

She’s delighted 😊, it wasn’t totally intentional but she sounds really glad it came across as it did, and has reiterated again that seeing the way she is is helping her and hopefully will help sibling and I too - so that’s good .

She could have been off loading her feelings to you rather than telling you because you will also be in the situation.

Sounds like you have a wonderful supportive relationship where each party can talk freely and learn from themselves and each other, intentional or not 🤗