Boss asked if I was pregnant

[Soembarassed111]

Not really AIBU other than an AIBU to post a plea for sympathy.

Boss called after me in the corridor asking if I was pregnant. I’m not. I had a miscarriage after a long time of trying earlier this year (it was quite early on so nobody knows at work) and I know I’ve put on weight.

I just feel awful. I am fat and I should be pregnant.

She tried to style it out by claiming she thought I was somebody else but I can’t stop dwelling on it.

This reminds me of a situation early in my career. I made a terrible mistake (Which i learnt from) of doing something similar.

A colleague stood up from her chair and stretched out. As she stretched her tummy stood out (she was quite slim). I dont know why but i asked if she may be pregnant. She replied no. I thought nothing more of it.

Until the next day i was dragged into the CEO office and given a written warning for misconduct as the colleague must have gone straight to complain. I took it on the chin and learnt never to let my mouth run off in any situation, even if i think it is safe to do so with friends.

Funnily enough the same colleague announced 4 weeks later that she was 3 months pregnant. Didn't make any difference to what i had done wrong but it did add to my younger confusion at the time.

She shouldn't have asked you. Even if obviously pregnant. It's unprofessional.

Not the same, but someone very senior caught me out at around 12 weeks pregnant and asked me about it. I had to ask her to keep it quiet as I hadn't told me boss yet, it put me in an ackward position and I felt I had to disclose it sooner than I had intended (due to previous MC), and way before I legally had to, as I was worried she would say about it.

I'm so sorry OP. I've had similar mistakes made, though not from a boss, who absolutely should know better. I did have a comment from a colleague I hadn't seen since my return from maternity leave a couple of weeks ago - "oh, I thought you'd already had the baby?". Yes, I had, over a year ago, all that is left is unshifted weight. I don't know who looked more embarrassed, her or me.

I've also experienced miscarriage and I can only imagine how awful it makes you feel to have a comment like this at such a difficult time.

Sorry for your loss and how upsetting her behaviour was.

Not the same but I had a really traumatic missed miscarriage a few years ago, surgery, infection, couple of weeks off work in the end. On my first day back I made a massive effort to get back in decent mental shape, full face, nice outfit, head down and trying to get on with things and my idiot boss grabbed me 10 mins in and as soon as we got to the corridor said she was sorry my baby died and did I want to talk. No I fucking didn’t and I crumpled and did a mortifying sort of howl followed by some agonised whimpering standing there as people meandered in to the office. I think she meant well but there are ways of doing things and this wasn’t helpful. She looked appalled and never mentioned it again.

I cannot understand the ppl, who think it is OK to ask somebody if they are pregnant. You clearly have no filter. Most of us think it but would never ask it outright!

Quite!

Sorry for your loss OP

I’ve put on weight since my miscarriage in April and stresses of TTC

I would also be fuming if someone asked me if I was pregnant

Thank you everyone - so sorry for everyone else who has been through this!