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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want the scamming to stop?

18 replies

stopthescammers · 15/08/2022 22:05

NC for this

I'll try to be brief but put all the detail in I can.
DF is late 60s, was scammed years ago on his laptop for a bit of history so is an easy target.

DF had a fall in the garden last September which resulted in a bleed on the brain - CT scan showed the bleed had reabsorbed and no treatment was needed. Since this bump on the head it's as though part of his rational thinking has gone.

Went to Morrison's in April and bought £900 worth of Google Play vouchers (not something he would use), staff flagged it as suspicious and alerted police who chatted with him and brought him to my house as they were concerned he was being scammed and he was vulnerable; they put a public protection order in. He cannot remember buying the cards, it's as though he's wiped it from his mind. He also denies being scammed. He sold his car to raise the funds to pay for the cards. (We didn't know this at the time). I took his debit card and credit cards off him and haven't given him them back. Police circulated photo of him to local stores to inform of scam and for him not to be served.

May the police came out to have a chat with him because I'd found more Google cards. He told the officer a lady was selling him a newish car and he had to give her the cards for the car - I tried to explain that's not how it works and so did the policeman, and he explained about Google scams. DF said he was told if he paid these people in cards they had traced a pension he had years ago, and he wanted to buy the newer car for my DM as she struggles with her mobility with her current one. He also said the number was a Nigerian area code and they were unable to prosecute with it being outside of the UK but this is how they operate. We thought we had got through to him - he handed over his phones and it was as though a weight had been lifted and he was so relaxed for a few months. I have permission to speak to his GP and went to see him who said based on these memory blanks of not remembering, he had to surrender his licence pending investigations. Dementia assessment came back clear, waiting on sleep apnoea assessment next month. SS trading standards got involved after referral was made about him being vulnerable and went out to see DF to talk about scams and to do work with him around recognising.

Beginning of July his phone was lying around password protected but with a WhatsApp notification on it with the number at the top. I took a photo and researched it; Nigerian area code. The photo they were using as their display image was my DF. Middle of July SS rang; he'd tried to buy cards at shop locally, shopkeeper found it worrying the amount he wanted, refused to serve him and rang SS with concerns - they saw CCTV and realised it was DF so rang me.

End of June we noticed he was uptight and we suspected scamming again which he denied. He has been constantly on his phone and has looked grey in colour. Fast forward to today; his phone was lying around so I swiped it - the passcode had been removed and I found messages from this scammer - Nigerian area code, different number to before, and it was a business WhatsApp account with their name on it and a photo of the woman. Messages were awful, constantly telling my dad to buy more and more Google cards, which he did by getting the bus all over the region (with money he does not have). He's asked the scammer to leave him alone numerous times. He said in messages they've scammed him out of £12k, he has made reference to his home address and has also said he's in so much debt the only solution he sees is to end it all. (He mentioned borrowing £2k from a loan shark - I don't know if this is true or not). The scammer still asked for more money. I took the phone. He was obtaining these cards through a debit card account we didn't know he had, which is now empty.

Rang the police (had a cry) lady took statement was lovely, she said I did the right thing taking the phone as evidence was needed, took details and linked all reports together from April to now and said it was very concerning and an officer would ring me.

They rang. Said nothing they can do as it's a number outside the UK and recommended I reported it to action fraud (already had and have with previous incidents) and said they would refer him to SS as a vulnerable person from a safeguarding perspective (this referral has already been done and he's in the system from the last time). I rang back a few hours later once I'd had time to think and mentioned the Interpol website which states scams and crimes from other countries should be reported to local police who can liaise with police in other countries, and mentioned I was massively concerned about his mental health with him threatening to end his life, and about the fact he had referenced his home address, and that I was concerned that someone in the UK Could be using an international number - an officer is going to ring me back tomorrow.

Does anyone have any experience of this or any advice? Or know who I can contact?

Ive literally exhausted everything I can think of. He won't admit he's being scammed, there's no talking to him about it (I think he's embarrassed), he thinks he's lost his phone which I've taken, but I know he can access this scammer on Facebook and over email from what I've read in the messages, and I can't access his accounts. Before this bump on the head nothing got past him at all, but since then his health and declined dramatically and it's as though he's lost all sense of common sense. Hes my DF and such a wonderful DGF to my DDs and it's breaking my heart that I don't know how else I can help him. I also have LPA for both parents but not sure how useful this is with him being declared as having capacity.

Sorry for the massive post!

OP posts:
Fupoffyagrasshole · 15/08/2022 22:13

This is awful! Can you perhaps get him to agree to let you be a signatory on his bank account so you can monitor it / have access to it??

Not sure if that would be enough but could be a start

Eupraxia · 15/08/2022 22:13

If it was me, I'd use hus phone yo access his email, Facebook etc and change the passwords so he cannot access them.

Set him up new accounts if you feel he needs them. But you take over his old accounts.

Davidsonuk · 15/08/2022 22:18

I would wager they are in the UK.. just using Nigerian simcards.

SeasonFinale · 15/08/2022 22:21

Can you access his accounts and block the scammers, change passwords and close accounts?

hotfroth · 15/08/2022 22:22

He needs to be assessed by his GP fairly urgently, because I suspect that he simply no longer has the capacity to manage his financial affairs and the POA needs to come into force. If you talk to the GP beforehand and tell them what you've told us, it will help them to diagnose what's going on.

TamSamLam · 15/08/2022 22:23

Who's declared him as having capacity? You only mdntion dementia assessment I think. You need a general capacity assessment and possibily investigation into brain damage.

stopthescammers · 15/08/2022 22:24

Thank you all so much for replying

He has a joint account with my DM (who is beside herself) and I've got his card for that, so maybe if there was a way I could ask him to be joint signatory on his debit account maybe.. I just don't think he would go for it. His bank are aware he's been scammed but I'm not sure how much has to go out of the account before they block his card. I didn't even think of using his phone to get into his accounts! Genius idea! He doesn't need social media at all (has 7ish accounts because he can't use it) so it's getting into those accounts but that's certainly something I'm going to look at. This is my concern about them using Nigerian SIM cards - they can't be traced. I'm just so deflated that the police have said there's nothing they can do

OP posts:
Hapoydayz · 15/08/2022 22:27

Change his phone number so they can’t contact him and also change emails

toooldtocarewhoknows · 15/08/2022 22:30

I was going to say change phone number and wipe his phone so they can't keep contacting him.

What a horrible situation.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 15/08/2022 22:33

Can you swap his phone for a ‘dumb’ non smart phone? Like the older version Nokia?

Eupraxia · 15/08/2022 22:33

Hood shout on the phone number. Get him a new sim card and phone. Dont transfer any accounts across. Access his current SM accounts yourself and change the passwords so he can't get in. Then set up the new phone 'fresh'.

I'd consider setting up parental control type nanny software on hus new phone before you give it him, so you can monitor what he's doing.

If you set up a new email or Facebook account, log onto these on on your own phone, as well as his phone. You can then log on to his accounts anytime from your own phone to monitor (I do this with my children's SM accounts and emails).

GetOffTheRoof · 15/08/2022 22:36

Another vote for changing his landline number, mobile number and email addresses.

Consider a postal redirection service as well as they probably have the address as well - when they can't get through on email or phone, they'll start to write to him (seen it before).

Nigerian scammers are, unfortunately, super common and the police here have no powers to act abroad. The Nigerian government occasionally close down one or two of the boilerhouses (where the scammers all work together) and make a big song and dance about how wonderful their police work is, but it's a dreadfully corrupt place and many of the police are paid off. Interpol occasionally run a job out there as well.

You could consider contacting the Nigerian Police and offering up any phone numbers, names, addresses etc you have for the scammers - they can at least keep it as intelligence even if it isn't enough to act on. www.specialfraudunit.org.ng/en/?page_id=80

I'm really sorry - I hated having to try to convince older people they were subject to scams when they were so convinced that they "only had to pay the £10k shipping / release / tax fee" to receive their winnings from the million Euro lottery / the inheritance they had come into etc..... There is literally nothing you can say to someone who is absolutely convinced that the truth is a lie.

Princesspeony · 15/08/2022 22:40

This is so awful. I’m sorry you are in such a horrible situation.

If he is still deemed to have capacity at the moment then get him to the solicitors to get power of attorney asap as when he is deemed to have lost capacity he can no longer grant it.

Could you change his phone to one of those ones that only allow certain known numbers to call and change email addresses?

stopthescammers · 15/08/2022 22:45

The GP did a referral to the memory clinic and it was someone from there who did the dementia assessment, I've never heard of a general capacity assessment but I'll call his GP tomorrow and make an appointment to go and see him. We gave him an old phone in May (basic, but did the job) and set up a new contract for O2 (nothing on this phone) then the phone I've taken today was another phone on EE he's been using (I had no idea about) that he put his old EE SIM card in (I didn't realise he'd kept it) rang EE and to close the contract it's £300ish for the remainder of the contract, or they can close it through their 'life events' team with me as POA and with a GP letter stating he lacks capacity - GP won't give one as his assessment says he doesn't. Nanny spyware is a good shout - if I can get all this sorted, I'm thinking it might be best to go to o2 and ask for a number change based on what's happened just to be safe, then I could download spyware onto it. I wish he didn't use bloody social media!!!! Im certain this is how they've contacted him

OP posts:
stopthescammers · 15/08/2022 22:56

Just had an email report back from action fraud

'Home Office Counting Rules set out the circumstances under which we can record a crime and on this occasion the matter you reported to us cannot be classified as a police recorded crime.'

Ive head about Nigeria being corrupt, and it's certainly one of those where he's been promised masses of money, it's so sad he can't see what's in front of him. I think the way forward it definitely through his GP and I'll contact them first thing tomorrow and also look at changing passwords. Thank you all so much for your kind words and your advice, I really, really appreciate it

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 15/08/2022 23:50

It's horrible. I used to work in a nursing home and we had several residents targeted like this. In one case we had the resident's calls forwarded to the staff to block the scammers and they started calling other residents trying to reach him. Bastards.

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP.

eurochick · 16/08/2022 07:23

He will now be on a "suckers list" and will be preyed on more and more.

This happened to a friend's mum. It was part of her slide into dementia. He thinks she gave away around £80k. He tried many times to get through to her and also got the police to speak to her but nothing made any difference. He ended up moving in to be her carer and was then able to intercept all the scams and they eventually stopped.

TamSamLam · 16/08/2022 11:01

Sorry if my post was confusing, I don't know what the assessment is called, I just know that a capacity assessment isn't the same as a dementia assessment. Many people without capacity don't have dementia. And some people with dementia still have capacity.

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