To want a future for “me”

[Flutterbybudget]

I’ve been a mum for 30 years now. I’ve spent 25 of those years, in a marriage, juggling poorly paid jobs around the kids and my husbands career. My children have always come first - hand on heart, before my husband did, which he says contributed to our break up. Since my husband and I split up, I’ve continued to put my kids first. The oldest is nearly 30, but my youngest is only 13, with a few in between, all of whom live with me. I’ve juggled several jobs, sometimes more than one at a time, trying to get one that allowed me to be around mainly for my youngest , as well as allowing me to provide a home for them all.
I landed on my feet a couple of months ago, with the “perfect” job, hour wise (Mon-Friday 9-4), distance (10 minute drive away), and I love it - BUT it’s “dead end”. If I stay, it’s probably a job for life, but the pay is crap and there’s absolutely no chance of promotion there.
I’ve just been “offered” (or at least invited to an “informal chat”) for a managerial role, in the industry that I love. It would mean an immediate pay rise, future prospects and a chance to really do something for “me”. I feel as if this might be my last chance to have that, but my daughter ….🤷‍♀️ It would be shift work.
When I had my children, I knew that they would come first, that I would do anything for them, that I wanted to be that “stay at a home mum” (at least when their dad wasn’t around - I worked late shifts after he got home from his day job) and I genuinely have … but WIBU to grab this chance?
I feel so guilty about even considering it. My older children would have to help out with at least “being at home” late at night (on a rota or something). She wouldn’t have me home during school holidays, or even every day after school. But …. she’s nearly 14. But …. she’s still at an age where she needs a “mum”. But ….I need to consider my own future after all my children leave home. But …. Argggghhhh
Help
My head is spinning
Am I being unreasonably selfish here?

You won't be working 7 nights a week, you'll probably have at least 2 off?
In that case your other DC only have to cover 5 nights and your dd will be asleep most of the night.
At nearly 14 your dd can cope with that, she's certainly old enough to understand that mum needs to work.
I'd definitely go for it, take every opportunity offered to you.
It'll be a bit of a wrench for you to start with, you'll feel guilty and you'll worry but you'll all soon settle into a routine.
Just think in a couple of years your dds life will have moved on massively, boyfriend's, social life etc and you'll have a whole new set of stuff to worry about 😂
Go for it, your dd will be fine, have a grown up chat about it, allay both your fears and go for it.
My dsis's were the original latch key kids, we looked out for each other because we knew dm had to work, we're not scarred for life, we learnt to look after ourselves and each other, we cooked, cleaned, looked after the pets, we turned out just fine, well I did 😜

In a couple of years you'll hardly see your DD as she'll be off having a life. A life you in effect gave up for 30 bloody years!!

You are NOT just a mother.
You are not a servant to the wants and needs of offspring.
Sorry, that's nuts and I have 5 kids. They all have a part of me but I do know that I show them a good example by also prioritising me.
You don't want your daughters thinking that motherhood is basically sacrifice and work. Take the bloody job!'

You're older children should be helping out regardless! Especially the eldest at nearly 30! Also what about your ex husband? Can't he spend more time with your youngest?
Good luck in your new role, go for it!

Put yourself first for once. This is a great opportunity which you need to grab with both hands. It's also role modelling good behaviours to your children. They do not need to be the absolute centre of your world every day until you die and the older ones need to step up and contribute! I get you're saying they have their own lives and you don't want to put upon them but they live in your house!! They need to do their bit too - it's a team game!!

And others have said it but I also think you need to model that raising children isn't all about the mother only and the mother sacrificing every single fibre of her being. Her and her alone. Do you really think that is teaching your kids good examples for their future lives / partners / children.

Go for the job.

Your daughter will be fine, you will be able to make enough time to make her feel mothered, and she’ll benefit from having more interaction with siblings between times- and you will make her proud - a great role model.

Thanks all
Well, I’ve arranged to have a serious sit down with the “big boss” and find out exactly what they would want from me, and will go from there

Deep breaths

You have already been an amazing mum to all your kids and you will continue to be.
you will be a fabulous role model for your daughter and they will all support you.
it will work because women make this sort of thing work all the time.
just focus on her when you have spare time, do things with her. She won’t be missing out and she’ll thrive from the independence

Take the chance of a better job. Older children will muck in and youngest can grow responsibility. Your new status will benefit all your children.
Go for it. Good luck.

She's not a baby, talk to her. And the big ones. Let them know what you need (how often do they sleep out at present? How often are they out past say 9 pm?). You've got at least four "kids" at home - it shouldn't be too much to ask for them of one night each.

Putting your children first would be taking the job and getting yourself into a good financial position for when you are older, so they wont have to worry and support you as much. And giving your daughter a fantastic role model of a mum doing well in the working world. Go for it!

Gosh, it worries me that this is even a question. What are we teaching our girls if we're willing to sacrifice all of our own hopes and dreams on the altar of being a "good mother"? The youngest child is a teenager!! Yes, they still need their parents at that age for lots of things, but they don't need round the clock babysitting, or if they do (unless there are special needs), then you've probably done something wrong!

You have adult children living at home, so it isn't like she would be home alone every night. If they're living at home, it isn't an unreasonable contribution for them to make - maybe reduce their rent if you're charging it, otherwise just ask them to do their bit as a member of the family living in the family home. You say that you don't want to ask them because they have their own lives, and that's totally fair enough, but what you're modeling to them is that women have to give up those lives when they have children of their own. Is that really what you want to teach them? Is that how you want them to live their own lives?