DH eating food meant for visitors, AIBU?

[Boysgrownbutstillathome]

DH's DD and family are over from Germany and visiting us this week. I have planned meals and bought extra food for the next few days. I just noticed that DD has opened packets of cold meat I had intended to be eaten this week. One was ham, which I normally buy, but there was already some in the fridge which needed eating. The other was cold chicken, which I don't normally buy. He doesn't think he has done anything wrong. He says he didn't see the old ham, and he thought I had bought the chicken for myself ( I don't eat ham). I would have thought it was obvious that I had bought extra food, some of which I don't usually buy, for his DSD and family, which shouldn't be opened yet. AIBU?

Tell him he needs to go to the shop to replace them before they arrive, and make it clear what else is off limits

😄

Yes you are. You need to explain to your husband 'hey hubby, do you see these packets here? Come look. Ok see these? They are for when your family visits, not now. Ok? Repeat it back to me.' If I don't do something similar my son would eat us out of everything.

Given all you’ve said, I think he should have realised and checked before eating it.

Are you happy with being in charge of buying food for his child / family? Why can’t he do the food shopping ahead of these visits? He’d be more careful if it was actually him having to plan and make sure there would be enough food in.

He’s just being lazy and mindless. His excuses are very immature.

Many people don’t have the budget to just eat whatever they want mindlessly then buy more.

He ought to respect the effort you go to.

They aren't staying with us as we only have a small house, our DS's are grown up and so are theirs so we don't have room. They are renting a cottage and just having lunches and dinners with us. When the kids were younger they used to stay and I dreaded it, it was so stressful!

What? I thought you'd rather say it to 4 year old, not grown up man. "Repeat it back to me" 😮

I think YANBU. If you open the fridge and there's more food in there than usual, and things that you don't usually get, the thought process would go "Ooh, lots of food, and some stuff we don't normally get", and then after that, rather than "Yay I can eat whatever I want of this" should instead go down the track of "Is there some reason all this food is here? Some kind of upcoming event? Until I know what's for what, I'll go for whatever would normally be in here, not the new exciting stuff". And aside from all of that, yes, always go for the ham that's open rather than the ham that isn't.

Well, on the bright side you’ve still got ham & chicken, haven’t you? Ask the adult DSC to pick up a few bits and pieces for lunches too. If you can’t easily afford to host them then ask them to chip in. No reason why their whole family should eat at your expense all week.

If they're renting a cottage then why dont they invite you for dinner?
Have you told them that actually, finances are a bit tight so you just cannot afford to feed them for their stay.

Him eating the chicken has reminded me of another thread on here before. The OP had asked if her husband wanted anything and he said no so she bought herself a fancy cupcake and put it in the kitchen to have as a treat later. When she went to get it, he had bitten it in half because he fancied some. Turned out that it was the tip of the iceberg. It seemed like he never really let the OP have anything special and found a way to always ruin things which were for her. I do wonder how that poster got on.

Him eating stuff which is normally communal is thoughtless but eating something he thought you bought for yourself is nasty. Also having your organise everything for his family is nasty.

He should be sorting this out. He should also he telling them that they need to feed themselves and just come visit instead of coming to be fed.

We do not guard food in my house, if it is there it can be eaten. So if there was an unusual situation where I had got something for a specific purpose, I would say so or label it as so. So yes YABU.

Him eating the chicken has reminded me of another thread on here before. The OP had asked if her husband wanted anything and he said no so she bought herself a fancy cupcake and put it in the kitchen to have as a treat later. When she went to get it, he had bitten it in half because he fancied some. Turned out that it was the tip of the iceberg. It seemed like he never really let the OP have anything special and found a way to always ruin things which were for her. I do wonder how that poster got on.

I remember that thread too. I’m still wondering why he ate chicken if he thought the OP had bought it for herself?

There’s only DH & I at home and we know each other’s likes and dislikes. Eg He wouldn’t eat the last of my favourite cheese and I wouldn’t eat the last of something I knew he particularly liked.

This!

Ah, but you must know that a grown man cannot be expected to act like one &, as a woman, it's always your fault if you fail to second guess his every move as you would a toddler!

Its very simple - you tell him that the ham & chicken was for lunch on such and such a day next week when his family are here. As he has eaten the lunch you had organised it is now his job to organise that lunch. So he will now have to decide what to serve, go out and buy it and prepare it on the relevant day. Next time he might think twice about eating something he though you'd bought for yourself....

More people does equal more food. That still doesn’t tell him that particular food is off limits.

a sharpie is your friend here. You don’t even need to tell people, just write on the packaging that something is saved for a meal.

They do take us out for dinner or pay for a takeaway one evening when they come and when we go out for walks buy their own drinks/snacks/ lunches.

YABU
Just have cheese sarnies instead, or send him to the shop to get more meat.

Thank you for your comments, they have given me some perspective. I have told DH what is extra food for the visit. I don't entertain v0ery often and we haven't seen DSD and family since before Covid so I really their time here to be special. I have calmed down now andam no longer fuming!