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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Broke up with my stingy DP

65 replies

bbbbam · 15/08/2022 16:28

I've posted about him before. He's always been tight with cash despite living with his parents, having a LOT in savings and very low outgoings. Didn't want to contribute to mine although stayed majority of the week and I'd always be subsidising him in small ways. He's always take ages to send me money owed to me and I'd have to chase for it. I've raised it numerous time and while things have gotten a bit better, it's become such a tik for tak relationship and on top of that he needs reminding about personal grooming, expects sex/blow job daily when he stays, and let's his child's mother (the second one) run rings around him - I could go on..

Anyway, there were three straws that broke the camels back yesterday - the final being, we went to Nando's, I paid with my card and he said he would send me the money for his meal, I worked out his meal cost and told him. Realised when we left (hurriedly as I started crying during meal due to other reasons - straw 1&2), we didn't pay for the drink (we shared a drink because he's stingy), he asked if he should pay me a pound less because it was free. So there you go, I'm not even worth a cheap Nando's meal....

No AIBU really - maybe if I'm unreasonable to expect my DP to pay for my Nando's when he is not poor and can afford it but just doesn't want to...?

Anyway, after a year of moaning and trying to get him to change, I've ditched him!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 15/08/2022 16:51

An improvement then 😁

Epicstorm · 15/08/2022 16:52

Nothing attractive about a tight arse. Well done for getting rid.

Original poster
bbbbam · 15/08/2022 16:52

@PoppyLupin he is a great dad. A bit of a pushover but sees them consistently, plays, teaches, half the holidays or more and pays monthly although did try to negotiate cutting it down from £250 to £200 as he's not earning as much as he was - but that's out of his choice and he has money he can pull from but only doesn't it for stuff he really wants.

OP posts:
scabbers44 · 15/08/2022 16:56

Stinginess is so unattractive. Imagine quibbling over £1. You've done the right thing. What was his response?

@WeAreBob what a petty comment, embarrassed for you.

InTheFridge · 15/08/2022 17:04

I remember your last thread. So glad you have finally got rid of him. Hope you told him why !

What was his reaction/response?

SafeHeaven · 15/08/2022 17:11

I had a friend once who asked me to pick him up some ready meals on the way to his.

In the ready meal aisle I had to ring him and go through with him what they had.

He always got a deal on them, so many of them for a tenner. When I brought them to his he didn’t believe me that they were £10.50 and not £10, and he wanted to see the receipt!

Mammyloveswine · 15/08/2022 17:12

Christ I can't imagine sharing a can of Fanta with a meal!! (Not blaming you there op I suspect this was his suggestion to share!).

Definitely better off without him!

WeAreBob · 15/08/2022 17:18

scabbers44 · 15/08/2022 16:56

Stinginess is so unattractive. Imagine quibbling over £1. You've done the right thing. What was his response?

@WeAreBob what a petty comment, embarrassed for you.

Eh no, I worked in nando's when I was a student and we had 2 horrible managers who would give us a bollocking if they saw them sharing one unlimited drink between them and we hadn't stopped it. We didn't get paid enough to go up to customers and tell them off, especially when lots of members of the public actually get really aggressive to service staff.

So, if the OP had done that then it is bad because serving staff behind the scenes could be getting yelled at.

Riverlee · 15/08/2022 17:38

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 15/08/2022 16:49

A dcat and a sex toy would full those gaps.
Dcat, loving and attentive.
Sex toy for bed..

Once I’ve worked out what a D-cat was, your post made me giggle.

scabbers44 · 15/08/2022 17:43

@WeAreBob ......but she hadn't done that.

something2say · 15/08/2022 17:46

This is an excellent lesson actually. Now you will recognize tight fisted people more easily in the future. Well done for getting out.

Scepticalwotsits · 15/08/2022 17:48

I’ve ditched friends for less.

being responsible for money and not being a person that ‘eats out’ is fine, but when it’s getting to penny counting it’s just miserly

inmyslippers · 15/08/2022 17:49

Well done for leaving op. He sounds awful

Sparklfairy · 15/08/2022 17:51

Out of interest, did you tell him exactly why you dumped him (being a manchild and a tight fisted dickhead)?

I'd be torn between wanting to give him both barrels or just leave him wondering, the mean bitter at being taken the piss out of for so long part of me would be a bit smug knowing his future relationships would fail because of him lacking such self awareness.

RoseJam · 15/08/2022 17:53

Congratulations - you've done the right thing - although you already know that!

My Dad is really tight-fisted, and it was miserable living with him when I was a child. He managed to suck the joy out of life and to quibble over pennies was quite frankly embarrassing. He managed to make us and my DM feel worthless. Also the things he would do to save a few pennies here and there would sometimes take much longer. I often think he lives a rather miserable existence and he will never change his ways. He loves the finer things in life but not if he paying for it - even though he can afford it. My DM eventually left him and she is so much happier. I am pleased to say that I made a point of actively avoiding anyone who is stingy. They tend to also be CF - avoid paying for meals, cheapskate gifts, encroaching on other people's kind hospitality etc - it impacts others.

Anniefrenchfry · 15/08/2022 17:58

Oh this is grim. Sharing a can of Fanta when out for a meal so you don’t need to buy two. Glad you’ve binned him.

Nanny0gg · 15/08/2022 18:07

bbbbam · 15/08/2022 16:52

@PoppyLupin he is a great dad. A bit of a pushover but sees them consistently, plays, teaches, half the holidays or more and pays monthly although did try to negotiate cutting it down from £250 to £200 as he's not earning as much as he was - but that's out of his choice and he has money he can pull from but only doesn't it for stuff he really wants.

£200 a month?

That's not a great dad

catandcoffee · 15/08/2022 18:23

I'm amazed you lasted a year...tight and unhygienic.
Hope you've learnt people don't change.
Good luck with your next relationship.

IncompleteSenten · 15/08/2022 18:30

He's lovely apart from being a manchild 90% of the time, sponging off you, being sexually demanding, having poor hygiene, trying to pay as little as possible for the children he fathered, plus all the other unspecified issues you say you've raised with him?

Jesus.
I hope he stays dumped!

Eloise38 · 15/08/2022 18:44

I know it's absolutely not the point of the post but I'm confused about you not paying for the drink - did they give you a free can of Fanta because the machine wasn't working?! Well done on getting rid of him OP.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 15/08/2022 20:15

I remember your last post and thank god you have gotten rid of him. Nothing worse than someone so tight. He will never change and did he never treat you to a meal or was it always you paying and him paying you back, not very romantic to be honest. Treat yourself now and don't be in contact with him even if he keeps contacting you and saying he will change as he will not. As for his sexual demands just yuck. Take time out for yourself now read up on red flags, boundaries etc and take your time if you do meet someone and start as you mean to go on. Go with your gut instinct as that really does tell us a lot. Well done and hope you are ok.

EmergencyHepNeeded · 15/08/2022 21:38

I am cringing at the thought of having to have sex with a man with poor personal care standards. Didn't it make you want to vomit?

NoEffingWay · 15/08/2022 21:57

I married a man who would complain frequently about being skint, whilst buying expensive computer and musical equipment.

After working myself into the ground to support him and DS, I finally gave up and left him after 10 very long years.

I made him pay for the divorce which made me feel a bit better! GrinBlush

Original poster
bbbbam · 16/08/2022 09:56

His reaction....he goes through the motions, first defensive, then petty, then calms down and acknowledges.. in the first stage he said I'm never happy and said some bullshit, the second stage, he listed what I don't do for him and in the last stage, he sent the other half of the meal cost - £12, to my bank. I returned it, it's too late for that...he said he's trying, been trying , been improving...to be fair, he has but it's still not enough!

OP posts:
Original poster
bbbbam · 16/08/2022 09:57

Also, he smokes weed and the £12 my meal cost is a fraction of what he spends on weed in a week!

OP posts:
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