To have not visited my friend?

[Onahotsummersight]

Friend lost her df 3 months ago.
We live quite far away from each other 4 hour drive.
She is married and has 2 dc , same with me.
When he died she sent me lots of really involved texts describing how she felt, the death etc , and I took time to carefully and fully reply as well as check in on her.
I also sent a heartfelt sympathy card.
For the first few weeks she was back and forth with family .
I have my dc back from uni so the house is busy, graduation, supporting graduate with job related issues, an illness in the family, 2 pt jobs. She said she wanted to visit so I said sure. Time passed to 12 weeks later.
Then i get a message saying why havnt I not visited her? And that i was not very supportive in not doing so.
I understand grief is a process, and this could be related to that, but i have been left with the feeling that she and her dh feel ive let her down.. which I would hate to do.
I did reply to this saying about the busy time, the illness, work etc , but got no reply and I am left with the residual feeling that I have let her down? Aibu? And feel unsure what to do.

I'd drop everything to be with my friends any time they needed me.

A husband dying is a drive-through-the-night-to-get-there scenario.

YABU you weren't that busy you couldn't do an overnight stay. Did you attend the funeral?

Damage done now.

She won't be there if and when you need her.

A husband dying is a drive-through-the-night-to-get-there scenario.

Father, not husband! Quite different!

But also, it depends on how many friends this person has and where they live. Nowhere does OP say that she is this person's only friend, or closest friends. The bereaved person could have 20 friends who are similarly close or closer. She presumably doesn't want them all rushing to be by her side!!