To hate my SIL

[stilldazed]

Maybe i'm jelous i don't know but I can't stand her..She is french super competitive and constantly asks questions to be 'chatty' in front of everyone...i find it so fake. DH doesn't get on with his brother, a lot of jelousy, he has to have everything DH has so my inlaws subsidise him and SIL financially. They have 2 dcs about 5 years younger than ours.i'm on a family holiday for a week with these people although not in the same house.

Any tips on how to cope...i usually like everyone...i know this makes me a horrible person..help!

Oh god, sounds awful.
my SIL is also subsidised by PIL as she can’t cope with DH and I having a better quality of life, even though we work insanely hard (she has been in and out of work for 15 years).
would suggest you need to mentally check out of the situation, keep them at arms length and find good book to read, download an album to listen to or play with your children. Keep conversation light.

Thank you sounds like you understand!

The thing is i find myself obsessing about them..DH says i'm jelous because through his parents they are having a much easier life and easier time bringing up DCs..i am from a very working class northern background and although I have a nice life...god i've grafted!

I want to put SIL out of my mind but feel like my hatred is eating me up...i think DH is right it must be jelousy. But why her (and BIL) loads of people have had cushy lives and it doesn't bother me. And i'm usually a nice person that gets on with everyone.

Any tips to help me stop obsessing?

I could have written this. My SIL lives on handouts but makes out like she's a grafter. We've made responsible choices and worked really hard to build savings, get a mortgage etc but she gets given everything on a plate amlnd everyone panders to her.

I've no advice but a lot of empathy. And rage.... 😡

Been there, you have my sympathy.

Top tip, the only person it's affecting is you. Don't let her get the better of you, let it go. At least you don't have to live with her full time.

Why are you on holiday with them in the first place? If your DH and BIL don't get on and you hate her then you were on a starter to nowhere before you even left.

Step back from it and focus on your family, not theirs.

Chelle0 thank you! You put it very well. I know this on an intellectual level...i can feel that these feeling and constant obsessing is no good for me..how do i stop?

It's bad for my health, do i need therapy? Or is that ridiculous?

Completely understand. It’s not jealousy, it’s more like being dumbfounded by the unfairness of it all and for you to be accepting of the situation.

My SIL has always benefited form handout after handout from PILs. Paid holidays, childcare, DIY, gifts of cash etc. Golden child of the family, absolute drama queen, expects the world to revolve around her (and PILs go to the ends of the earth to ensure it does).

However SIL and her husband are well enough off, have decent jobs, mortgage paid off etc, however expect (and get) more.

When the PIL made a bigger deal of her having high blood pressure than my 21 year old DS being diagnosed with a blood cancer (mercifully in remission) that was the final sign for me to have absolutely nothing more to the lot of them.

She (and her entitlement) will never change as the dynamic has been enabled for so long now.

There isn’t anything wrong with you OP, but in all likelihood the only way you can give yourself peace is to disengage as much as is possible.

Train yourself not to think about her. Every time you think of her, deliberately think “she is irrelevant to me” and force yourself to think about something unrelated.

I know it sounds mad but it really worked for me (obsessing about MIL in my case). The more you practice it, the better you’ll get, and eventually you will hardly think of her at all.

Do you hate her because she's 'chatty' (hardly a sin) or because they get given money by her husband's parents?

Either way I'd avoid extended family holidays in the future.

Not chatty...she asks loads of questions. So now she's making jam...which is what I was doing 2 days ago. Super competitive. I can't stand it!

It's not a holiday in that sense. We are both visiting the inlaws at the same time at the request of the inlaws.

Don't make that mistake again next time you visit.
Or book a hotel and stay near enough not with.

SIL is similar. She's massively jealous and always plays the poor card. Despite her choice to have many children, live in one of the most expensive parts of the country and work part time.

She regularly stirs up drama between siblings about who's getting handouts/inheritance from PILs, all whilst secretly getting several herself and keeping quiet about them. PILs are just as bad, they claim to be victims and basically say they're scared of SIL and she needs help with her mental health - too chicken to say it to her face though!

Some people are just very toxic OP. All you can do is distance yourself.

Okay, think of it this way. Feel sorry for her, feel sorry that she has to constantly be in competition (it must be exhausting!) and she can't afford to pave her own way in life and you can. Maybe she doesn't feel good enough? And needs constant validation? Either way, be the better person, you are the better person, and just let her crack on.

Or, kill her with kindness and sarcasm, Your jam is fabulous! You must give me your recipe to file in my black cabinet 😉