Tired of being the default parent

[Grumpytiredandsick]

i just need to have a moan.

I have a toddler aged DC with my ex, who I coparent with. There are minor bumps here and there but I would say we get along fairly well.

But im tired of all the expectation being on me. Don't get me wrong, I love DC and would do anything for them. but I've come down with a horrible bug, im feeling awful / got no energy and am struggling to look after them.

I've told DC' dad this and the response is im not feeling well either, so he won't be able to see DC tonight and do bedtime as he usually would.

I fell sick at the weekend, I said I was struggling and could do with some help but he had plans so that's it.

it's just exhausting, it's like he picks and chooses when he wants to be a dad but I can't get a day off to rest when I'm sick.

I know realistically it's my own fault for having a kid with someone who was like this (he was like this when we were together)

it would just be nice to feel like he would want to pick up the slack when I'm struggling.

I feel the exact same and I have a partner.
If I want to go out/socialise/get a hair cut/go on a night away/change jobs/anything I have to triple check who is where and what fee paying childcare we have and then inevitably I have to cancel the plans as we don't have a babysitter.
For husband he can just go out or go away or apply for new job roles without a second thought as I'm always there in the background.
Totally sympathise with you

Same here @Slimemonster … it’s a thing isn’t it? So much harder to be a single parent though

I feel Exactly the same, even when we were together it was like I had to ask permission to do anything for myself as if watching our child was a massive favour to me

I was telling one of my daughters today that before a woman has a baby, she should have a legally binding contract drawn up that agrees 50/50 on all child-rearing responsibilities. Including sickness cover.

This patriarchal male-entitlement shit drives me insane.

That's really really shit.

DP and his XW hate each other and she goes out of her way to make our lives a living hell often, but if she's sick or injured she will ask him to have his DC and he doesn't hesitate. Mostly because it benefits the DC to be with the healthier parent while the other one tries to recover. Pretty sure she'd do the same in that situation, too.

Increase his contact time and don't be flexible with swaps/accommodating what he wants etc.?

I suspect it's a one way street.