Scared to be in a relationship again

[Ruthfulmum]

I am divorced 42 year old and have a young child. I have been thinking whether being a single mom to my son will be better off for both of us in the long run than being in a potentially “none- guaranteed” relationship. I feel that it’s possible to meet the right person but not sure where I could raise a young man effectively by myself and not expose him to potentially a “not so good” parent. Also whether that person has kids or is alone. Any thoughts?

Always better to be hesitant and careful if you have a child.

Accepting others with children is a very personal choice. I didn’t ever want a relationship with someone who already had children. Because as much as I do like children I have known and seen just how hard blending families is emotionally and also the financial aspect. I settled down at 31 so in that age group it was much easier to date people without children.

A child can be raised perfectly well by a single parent, I would say your DS has you as a role model but having a male role model would also be good. I know my DS as a teen was worried about something and went to his Father to ask as it was a personal issue that a woman could not experience as male health related.

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. It’s hard when there’s a child/children involved. I think my main thing is that when my mother remarried and I became a step child to somebody, it didn’t work out very well in a sense that I was sent to boarding school and then a university away and never felt that I was part of the equation and even now do not have a strong bond with my mother. Those kind of experiences can affect how one moves forward

Ex left for OW, turned mine and the kids world inside out. I worked hard to get into a place where I could afford to buy a home for us and feel the same as you re stability. But I'm 6 years into a relationship that is almost entirely separate to my kids. He has his place, I have mine, we pay our own bills, nothing is at stake if this relationship fails. That's how it will stay for another decade until my kids are grown. We see each other a couple of times a week, he rarely stays over when the kids are there (they only go their dads about once a month) and we carve out time for us when kids are away or my parents have them. It suits us. You don't have to be a "package deal" and find someone prepared to do the step parenting thing, there are other options.

That’s sounds like a good arrangement for you and your kids, while having a relationship and independence. Good on you wise one. I am taking my time and enjoying just it being myself and my wee man for now. I am away from family and sometimes I feel so alone but I have started attending story time at the library and thinking best to connect with other mums. There is no rush, the “nuclear family” ideal hasn’t happened for me and at times I long for that in view of maybe a blended family but what may seem ideal to the public may not be ideal for everyone. Oh well, I digress. Thank you for stopping by a sharing journey