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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at this

53 replies

Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 00:15

I know it's not a massive deal but it's really starting to piss me off.

DH family I feel are just too overly dependent for every thing and avoid paying for anything. I won't go anymore into detail.

I can't help but feel annoyed that they even use our account Netflix, YouTube, prime etc and his sibling kid has to have their own account everywhere I click and I don't know why but it really bothers me. I've suggested making a guest account and anyone who uses can watch there but something just ticks me off when I see their name next to mine, my kids & DH. The kids calls my DH to pay for films on prime and I just feel like saying why can't your own parent pay for it since they spend most of their time clubbing I'm sure they can afford a film but they think it's better to expense us.

Anyhoo that's me and my rant...

I'm sure I'll get a lot of criticism but just felt the need to let off some steam..

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 15/08/2022 05:47

Does your husband feel taken advantage of? Is it a cultural thing that he should financially support them? Unless he has an issue with it then he’s going to carry on doing it but it sounds like it’s been like this for a while

Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:04

iloveyoubaby1 · 15/08/2022 03:46

I wouldn't be happy with this either. It's not your responsibility to be paying for his family. They are grown adults.
For some reason your DH is taking responsibility for them. I'm wondering if this is what he learnt to do when he was growing up.
Have the two of you sat down and had a proper conversation about this and have you expressed how unhappy you are with the situation? And that he isn't responsible to cover the costs for other grown adults?

I have spoken to him numerous times and he knows very well where I stand with it all but he chooses to basically shrug it off as if it's nothing or I'm hating. Although it may appear as a small issue it's these things that build up which make the bigger picture. I have never stopped him helping his family if they really need help but there's a limit and line when it's something they can afford themselves but just choose to expense us because he makes more money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:05

alphons · 15/08/2022 04:47

Does your SIL have a DH?

No but when she did have a partner she was even worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:06

whiteroseredrose · 15/08/2022 05:11

I think Netflix are clamping down on this anyway.

I think there is a trial (in Costa Rica?) where the multiple viewers must be in the same house. Not sure how it will work if you go on holiday or have a second home though.

Good as they should. I am curious to see how this will work out in my case

OP posts:
Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:11

Sussyknowsthemeaningoflife · 15/08/2022 05:25

I had this with in laws, logged in one evening and couldn't watch my own effing netflix as too many of dh family were already watching. I messaged bil straight away and told him to log out and get his own.
You could just get your own netflix and refuse to share login details with anyone, including your husband if he cannot be trusted.

Originally I did something similar. DH going behind my back all the time with shit like this & I told SIL that sorry but multiple people can't watch and she needs to pay for her own etc but this was when I had no clue you could pay to have multiple watches at the same time. She then had her own account and then in my presence my DH goes oh you should just delete your account and log in with ours, I wanted to kick him so bad so I just stares him down but he wouldn't look at me because he knew I wouldn't be ok with it

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 15/08/2022 09:11

I share my Netflix with my parents and they share Disney with me.

So 4 users and we have packages high enough to cover 2 watching.

I also share prime with them but they always ask before ordering any paid for film and offer to pay.

It should be reciprocated though. Not all one way.

10HailMarys · 15/08/2022 09:11

I'd happily share my Netflix/Prime accounts with my mum because I can afford Netflix and she can't. I wouldn't happily share them with my siblings because they're perfectly able to subscribe to their own services.

If I did share accounts with siblings, I'd expect it to be a fair thing - eg I'd pay for Netflix and my sister would pay for Prime and we'd both use both accounts. I did give my brother the log-in for one of my streaming accounts, because I wanted him to be able to watch a specific show I knew he would love, but I can see from the account that he's never watched anything but that one programme!

So I say YANBU. They're taking advantage of your DH and there's no fair exchange here.

Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:12

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 15/08/2022 05:32

Just change the passwords.

They will call my DH and ask for the password. I changed the account once to back to my email to avoid them getting on and we argued over it and he expressed hr will just create a new account etc just imagine

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 15/08/2022 09:13

I don't see the problem with them using Netflix for example. You would have it either way so why not use all the accounts it gives you? My MIL and BIL have accounts on ours, seems silly for them to pay for it when we have accounts they can use. But I like them so...

Your SIL expecting your DH to look after her is a different matter though!

Skyeheather · 15/08/2022 09:13

There's going to be a crackdown on doing this soon as the Companies know they are losing money with people doing this.

When we first got Now TV you could log into five devices now it's just one per account unless you pay extra. I've read recently read that Disney+ and Netflix are planning the same. Wouldn't be surprised if Amazon do the same. It's just a waiting game......

Yes it is annoying when other people add stuff to your watch list (MIL is logged into our Amazon account on her TV) and FIL starts deleting your watch list forgetting that it's not his to start with! DP freaked out the other day because MIL bought something from Amazon Prime whilst we were out and he thought we'd been hacked (he forgot MIL had access).

ClocksGoingBackwards · 15/08/2022 09:15

Lots of families do this. You only have a problem with it for the sake of being difficult. If they’re happy and your DH is happy, why create a drama out of nothing?

I appreciate you pay into the account that pays for these subscriptions, but if you reduce the amount you put in by a tenner a month, that should cover it.

Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:17

Shoxfordian · 15/08/2022 05:47

Does your husband feel taken advantage of? Is it a cultural thing that he should financially support them? Unless he has an issue with it then he’s going to carry on doing it but it sounds like it’s been like this for a while

He sees nothing wrong with it, and if anything thinks I'm hating. I have told him multiple time if his parents need help I would never stop him and if anything I have encouraged to help them when I've seen they NEED help etc. However, we also have our own family and our own expenses and it's not right for him to be going behind my back or not consulting with me since small or big it still affects me also. The fact my SIL kid calls my DH and asks him to pay for the money and his mum does the same I'm just like why can't they fucking pay for it or pay you back for it. Unfortunately my SIL is the type that see no issue with my hubby not consulting with me and that he has some sort of duty & I shouldn't get involved etc. I could go on and shock you all with details honestly

OP posts:
Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:21

burnoutbabe · 15/08/2022 09:11

I share my Netflix with my parents and they share Disney with me.

So 4 users and we have packages high enough to cover 2 watching.

I also share prime with them but they always ask before ordering any paid for film and offer to pay.

It should be reciprocated though. Not all one way.

Communication is key. My family have never crossed boundaries with us but his do it all the time. I decided since his family are using everything free of charge then my family should use it also but the difference is my family ask first and they always stick to the free stuff and if needed to pay they will offer to pay etc and they never once created their own accounts either.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:26

10HailMarys · 15/08/2022 09:11

I'd happily share my Netflix/Prime accounts with my mum because I can afford Netflix and she can't. I wouldn't happily share them with my siblings because they're perfectly able to subscribe to their own services.

If I did share accounts with siblings, I'd expect it to be a fair thing - eg I'd pay for Netflix and my sister would pay for Prime and we'd both use both accounts. I did give my brother the log-in for one of my streaming accounts, because I wanted him to be able to watch a specific show I knew he would love, but I can see from the account that he's never watched anything but that one programme!

So I say YANBU. They're taking advantage of your DH and there's no fair exchange here.

I definitely agree with you here. With his mum I have no issues because that's his mum and she doesn't make a lot but SIL clearly has enough money to be going out ALL the time but can't pay for her own shit but instead expects us to as if she's our responsibility and on top of that behaves as though her kid is my issue. I also have kids but anything they need me & DH will always cover. I also have nieces/ nephews but me & my siblings we share our costs and do things for each other which equals things out so it's different

OP posts:
Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:28

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 15/08/2022 09:13

I don't see the problem with them using Netflix for example. You would have it either way so why not use all the accounts it gives you? My MIL and BIL have accounts on ours, seems silly for them to pay for it when we have accounts they can use. But I like them so...

Your SIL expecting your DH to look after her is a different matter though!

I guess that could make a difference when you actually like someone. It's the entitled behaviour and attitude where she's not even grateful about it but EXPECTS it now and is not that fussed what I think even though it's expenses come out from my household. Make it make sense you know

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 15/08/2022 09:32

YANBU. DS uses our Netflix and Sky accounts. His DGF has absolutely shite taste in TV and it gives me the rage when I go to recordings and it’s stuffed full of total crap. I’ll admit to deleting the lot quite often.

If my house is ever burgled or taken over by aliens they might think it’s MY taste. That’s not ok. Grin

Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:32

ClocksGoingBackwards · 15/08/2022 09:15

Lots of families do this. You only have a problem with it for the sake of being difficult. If they’re happy and your DH is happy, why create a drama out of nothing?

I appreciate you pay into the account that pays for these subscriptions, but if you reduce the amount you put in by a tenner a month, that should cover it.

Anyone is happy if it's not coming out of their own pocket. Since almost families do this then they should pay for it and give us the access and let us create accounts to make it fair then. DH is married to me and we have expenses together not with his family so I have to disagree with you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:34

MatildaTheCat · 15/08/2022 09:32

YANBU. DS uses our Netflix and Sky accounts. His DGF has absolutely shite taste in TV and it gives me the rage when I go to recordings and it’s stuffed full of total crap. I’ll admit to deleting the lot quite often.

If my house is ever burgled or taken over by aliens they might think it’s MY taste. That’s not ok. Grin

Haha my SIL would go into our accounts and finish watching stuff I was clearly watching and then I'm sat here like why the fuck don't you just pay for your own account and we wouldn't have this issue

OP posts:
Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 09:37

Skyeheather · 15/08/2022 09:13

There's going to be a crackdown on doing this soon as the Companies know they are losing money with people doing this.

When we first got Now TV you could log into five devices now it's just one per account unless you pay extra. I've read recently read that Disney+ and Netflix are planning the same. Wouldn't be surprised if Amazon do the same. It's just a waiting game......

Yes it is annoying when other people add stuff to your watch list (MIL is logged into our Amazon account on her TV) and FIL starts deleting your watch list forgetting that it's not his to start with! DP freaked out the other day because MIL bought something from Amazon Prime whilst we were out and he thought we'd been hacked (he forgot MIL had access).

Good they should crack down on this. Sometimes DH mum or sister will say if they can purchase a film for the kid that's like £15 and quite often but never once say I'll pay you back for it or anything. It's taking the hard core piss. Your using our accounts for free and on top you want us to also purchase shit for you. Same thing with Amazon, I have my own Amazon prime but they will call my DH and ask if they can order something so it can come quick but then don't pay for the actual order. If anyone would be ok with this like this then they need a check over also

OP posts:
Bettyboop3 · 15/08/2022 09:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

The fact they are all spongers doesn't necessarily equate to a close family 🤔

Brefugee · 15/08/2022 09:58

I'm ok with having the accounts and sharing with my DCs (I'd share with my mum but she's in a different country)
But they always ask if they can download something that costs money and they have their own profiles set up so nothing gets lost.

in your shoes, OP? I'd change the account name to Family_Freeloaders and if there were complaints I'd just take it back to my email and change the password.

Then there would be serious discussions with DH about your own family money and his sister freeloading.

CulturePigeon · 15/08/2022 10:32

You will only get support from me, OP.

What horrendous freeloaders. Surely your husband can speak to them - it's outrageous.

If you can't afford it, you can't have it - hasn't anyone ever told them that?

I speak as someone who couldn't afford these subscriptions so don't have them. There's a dreadful entitlement today - people really do see luxuries as their right. It's not as if they're unable to afford a meal.

I bet they don't even acknowledge your kindness, never mind take you out for a meal etc etc.

Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 17:50

CulturePigeon · 15/08/2022 10:32

You will only get support from me, OP.

What horrendous freeloaders. Surely your husband can speak to them - it's outrageous.

If you can't afford it, you can't have it - hasn't anyone ever told them that?

I speak as someone who couldn't afford these subscriptions so don't have them. There's a dreadful entitlement today - people really do see luxuries as their right. It's not as if they're unable to afford a meal.

I bet they don't even acknowledge your kindness, never mind take you out for a meal etc etc.

Thank you, glad to know that someone can actually see that someone else freeloading on others is clearly wrong!

I am the same, if I can't afford something I wouldn't be jumping on my siblings back to pay for me because I am not their responsibility.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sydney0101 · 15/08/2022 17:52

Brefugee · 15/08/2022 09:58

I'm ok with having the accounts and sharing with my DCs (I'd share with my mum but she's in a different country)
But they always ask if they can download something that costs money and they have their own profiles set up so nothing gets lost.

in your shoes, OP? I'd change the account name to Family_Freeloaders and if there were complaints I'd just take it back to my email and change the password.

Then there would be serious discussions with DH about your own family money and his sister freeloading.

Aha I can imagine the outrage form my DH if I named the account that. It would probably follow with them calling him and complaining and then him raging with me.

OP posts:
Topgub · 15/08/2022 17:55

Cancel the accounts. Set up and pay for your own to use

Do you share money?

If not its up to him how he spends his money