To ask for anti depressants

[Margot78]

My dd age 10 has anxiety, issues with clothing and ocd rituals and every day is hard. We are in the process of going through camhs for the umpteenth time and are paying for a private therapist because the latest episode of anxiety has been very severe and camhs weren’t moving fast enough for our needs. We had reached the point of her throwing up and not going to school.

Dd feels scared all the time and has to have with me with her always and needs constant distraction. She can be physically aggressive and nasty or tearful and panicked and the meltdowns are pretty horrific, yesterday she even started talking about killing herself but straight away cried and says she doesn’t really want to. It’s been going on for a couple of years but this latest episode is much more severe and it is killing me. I’m exhausted and so is dh. My mil says dd is just playing up and blames my parenting. We are sinking further into debt because it’s affecting my ability to work. My parents are both very poorly with long term conditions and I am wracked with guilt because I am so consumed with dd I often forget to call them or go round there. I feel like a horrible daughter. My brother is so brilliant, always doing things for them.

Every day I wake up feeling dread of what is to come. Dd doesn’t want anyone to know about her problems in case her friends don’t want to be her friend anymore so I can’t even talk to my mum friends about it, just have to keep up this pretence that everything is fine. I know this is likely to get worse not better. I just want to switch my brain off to help me get through it. I am seriously considering anti depressants now. I don’t want to become dependent on drugs but I have to do something. I react emotionally to dd’s behaviour and make everything worse all the time. She’s always mad at me and says the cruelest things. I know it’s just her anxiety but sometimes I just long for a break from it. Aibu to look to anti depressants now to help me cope better?

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I am on anti depressants at the moment. I know a lot of people don’t agree with them and I understand you being wary of relying on them, but the right ones at the right time can truely make a massive difference. I’d advise you to make an appointment to talk to your GP. There are several different types out there, some many suit you better than others. An analogy someone used for me was they are like a plaster cast on a broken bone, as in they can support and protect you until you are better able to cope. Hope this helps.

You are in a really difficult situation and a discussion with your GP would be a benefit. There might be a grain of truth in MIL's comment, if DD can see the reaction she is getting, it might make DD push things further, but this is not a reflection on your parenting skills.

There are some charities that might be able to offer help and advice

Young Minds
Action for Children
Place2Be
Prince's Trust
Barnado's

You can't go on the way things are, you need professional help and support

Cactusblossom - that's a very dangerous thing to say about the MIL comments. Children with bad anxiety can't regulate moods the same as adults, so saying it's acting up for attention is one of the reasons people have ignored anxiety in children for years.

My little brother is having the same issues as your daughter, and it's very tough on both him and my mum.
You're doing a fantastic job advocating for her, esp with the private counselling. Cahms appear to be very slow on the uptake to help these situations.
Mental health is being seen differently now than it was before, and it might be worth having a discussion with your daughter that it's not shameful to admit we all struggle with mental health and anxiety. Finding maybe celebrities she likes that have openly talked about mental health to show it's not shameful to maybe take some guilt away from her?

In regards to anti-depressants, they are a little helping hand which can help you through a struggling time. No shame in that. Asking the doctor for a low dose just to get you settled whilst you deal with a tough situation is a brave thing to do. You need to look after your own mental health, which in turn will set a good example for your daughter.

Big hugs and wish you all the best.

Hiya, I really feel for you. I struggled with severe ocd in the past and I am now I'm the process of getting a diagnosis for autism. I found that my ocd and anxiety from it was very much worsened when I had nothing for my mind to 'grab onto' if you know what I mean. NOCD is an amazing app that truly helped me along with a woman called Ali Greymond on YouTube. As soon as I could intellectualise my OCD and anxiety it subsided a lot. From experience OCD and anxiety isn't a life sentence, your daughter sounds like at that age but it can be overcome. Best of luck whatever you do

It sounds like you are going through a lot. If you feel that antidepressants would be helpful for you then do give it a try. It's a good short term fix to give you a bit more headspace to help deal with your problems better. It will take a bit more than 2 weeks to kick in and please be mindful that at times it is not that easy to get off them (something not many GPs ever discuss !) and you might need to taper down over time and might have a relapse. On the plus side, it will give you more headspace, strength and clarity to help you with your situation.
Have you thought about counselling? Might be helpful to have a good listening ear and learn some practical skills in helping you manage your emotions.
Take care of yourself.

Thank you all for your kind replies. I’m
sorry for the delay but I’ve had a difficult few days. My dad had to have an ambulance out and dd has been a nightmare- having horrific meltdowns at night time, being physically and verbally aggressive. I’m so mentally exhausted and don’t feel like I have the capacity to deal with it properly anymore. There’s no real help and when she pushes all my buttons I just snap and then she calls me mean because I sometimes say things like I just want a normal life or I just want to sleep. These things just come out when I’m stressed. I’m supposed to be calm and understanding but I can’t be right now, I’ve had years of this. Thank you for your kind words, hopefully I can sort some childcare and get into the doctor. Don’t think I can carry on as I am.

Talk to your GP about how you feel, antidepressants may help, or beta blockers, or a counsellor?
Is there any chance your DD could have autism?

I suspect she is on the spectrum but camhs won’t get back to me about getting her assessed.

How is she at school?
In my experience the school senco should be involved.
You can get a private assessment ( at a cost)
Other than this push, push, push to be heard. 💐

She hasn’t presented with any problems at school and they are worse than useless with mental health issues.