Baby Showe

8 replies

polly258 · 14/08/2022 22:55

My friend has organised a baby shower for me, I added all names of people I wanted there. I mainly invited a small group of close friends, sisters from both sides, MIL’s and a couple of aunties from each side. My future MIL has added 6 cousins from my partners side which has caused a bit of an argument as she didn’t ask before adding and I have around 20 cousins that aren’t invited as it was just going to be a small get together. There has been no conversation since she has had to remove them from the group and my partner originally agreed with me and has now asked what the problem is. I have never met these cousins nor does he see them, I just feel it wasn’t her place. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

HSKAT · 14/08/2022 22:57

YANBU

TeaAndBrie · 14/08/2022 23:20

Definitely not being unreasonable and well done for not just going along with it.
I’ve organised several baby showers and you need to know numbers to do games etc.

Trinity65 · 14/08/2022 23:42

YANBU

Dotcheck · 14/08/2022 23:45

Usually baby showers are friends and family- there to wish you well.
Most showers I’ve attended ( as guest and as the mum to be) had a surprise guest list. I’m a bit surprised that you would dictate who attends

NumberTheory · 15/08/2022 05:09

This sounds like miscommunication that’s resulted in hurt feelings but without any mad intent on either side.

Your MiL wasn’t to know you wanted a restricted guest list. Showers are often the more the merrier and a great opportunity for families to mix and get to know each other a bit.

But equally, whoever is hosting needs to be able to ensure the event goes smoothly and 6 extra guests when you don’t have space isn’t practical.

I think having it in your head that “it wasn’t her place” isn’t necessarily the best way to frame this for yourself. This is a family you’re marrying into, a woman you are hopefully going to have a long relationship with. Assume good intentions unless it’s very clear that’s not the case. That doesn’t mean you have to do what she suggested. But it does mean being nice about saying no and maybe trying to find compromise or alternatives.

NumberTheory · 15/08/2022 05:09

*bad intent, not mad!

novacaneforthepain · 15/08/2022 06:39

Well done for sorting it out before it got too awkward.

I think setting boundaries now could save you many problems when you have the baby.

RoseAndRose · 15/08/2022 06:48

Showers are usually small and intimate, and closest friends only (on assumption that family might give more than shower-type gifts, but of course fine for them to go for little shower gift instead)

It’s not an ‘invite everyone you know’ type of event (and there’s no reason why MIL could not host a gathering idc to introduce new family member to the wider family on that side)

It’s not compulsory to have games - the party bit of a shower can be anything you like ( it’s only the shower of gifts that is specific to a shower) so you might not need numbers for that. But assuming the host is going to arrange refreshments for the honouree’s guests, then yes number is expected is jolly handy

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