To expect father to spend some time alone with child?

[Daisylz]

AIBU to be annoyed with my little ones dad for never having a day out with her, and it just being the two of them?

My daughter is 5, I’ve been separated from her dad for a year now. He started having her overnight in March, usually once or twice a month (when he can be bothered 🤦🏼‍♀️) and every single time she’s been there, there has been someone else there too - for the first couple of months it was one girl, and over the last couple of months it’s been a different girl (which I also don’t agree with but that’s another story!). He never says anything, even when I question him on it but obviously my 5 y/o tells me everything.

I’ve said to him in the past that it would be nice for her to spend time with just him, and I would assume he would want to spend time with just his daughter too! But it’s really starting to frustrate me now that he cannot seem to spend time with her when it’s just the two of them.

He’s booked a day out with her towards the end of the month and I really want to say that she’s not going unless it’s just the two of them so she can spend time with daddy without having to fight for his attention again. I just feel so bad for her as she doesn’t see him much anyway, and when she does, it’s never quality time. When my parents separated I always spent time alone with my dad and had days out and holidays without my stepmum there, so I just expected my daughter to have a similar experience with her dad. I don’t like him at all, he’s very narcissistic, but I know it’s important for her to see him. I just don’t want my daughter always feeling second best.

So AIBU to say he needs to have a day out with her when it’s just the two of them?

Whether you like it or not there is nothing you can do about who he has along when he has your DD. Don't stop her going as she needs to maintain her relationship with her DF even if it isn't perfect.

I get why it annoys you. But you’re separated. You have to let him parent how he parents. He doesn’t sound ideal but it also doesn’t sound like he’s neglecting her. Unfortunately the standard for parenting is quite low. If you try and set your own rules he could take you to court and a judge is unlikely to look favourably on you trying to control him like this.

You’re not being unreasonable to say he should be spending time alone with her. I’m in the same situation - my child is a teen and has begged for 1 on 1 time with her father.

you are being unreasonable though to stop them from seeing each other unless it’s on your terms. You’ll just have to grit your teeth and let him get on with it I’m afraid.

I agree. Annoying as this is, you need to take a deep breath and stand back and not be seen to be impeding contact in any way

You’re not wrong to dislike it but unfortunately you can’t dictate how he spends time with your daughter as long as he is not putting her at risk of harm.

Does he lack confidence in his ability to cope with her? Can you suggest some activities maybe just for an hour or two that he could do with her alone as a compromise? I can’t see many girlfriends wanting to go to soft play, for example!

He sucks and he’s barely involved as it is, what a loser. But you know you can’t stop him seeing other people when he’s got her, he’ll just lie about his plans. What he does when he has contact is entirely up to him unless she’s actively at risk and his parade of girlfriends is distasteful but not dangerous.

The best approach is to pretend you don’t care, about his love life or what he does with his time.

He’s got more than enough time to date when he doesn’t see his daughter but you already know he’s an idiot and you can’t fight it no matter how hard you try.

Yabu op. You can't dictate to him what he does and who he sees when he has his daughter (or any other time). The same as he can't tell you what to do or who to see. I totally get why it annoys you though, It would me too.

You're not unreasonable to be annoyed and disappointed by this, but you would be to try and make him do it or dictate how he spends his time with her. It's not within your gift, as disappointing as it is

Controlling