To leave or not to leave..

[Younganddumb]

Not really sure if this is the right place to post 🙈 I've never posted on here so don't really know what I'm doing. 😂 So.. things haven't been right with myself and my partner for a long time.. we are talking years, I still love him so much and this is the reason I've held on hope for so long that things will change. Our sex life slowly started to dwindle at the two year mark then it got to the point that it would only ever happen if I initiated it.. one night he actually looked up and said "come on then let's get it over and done with" which obviously massively hurt! I've always been pretty good with expressing my feelings towards him with how much intimacy means to me but he never changes, sometimes after I've bought it up he'll try it on that night and I decline as I don't want "pity sex". I can count on two hands the amount of times we've been intimate in the last three years, I've also had a few conversations with him about how much marriage means to me but still no proposal after 5 years together and two beautiful children. We ended up having a massive argument last night after he had looked up and said "alright mum" after I asked him if he was going to have his shower
(he said he was going to have a shower at about 10pm and was still sat on his phone come 12).. I lost it and pretty much told him I had may aswell be his mum as I look after the house and kids, there's no sex life and no proposal in sight, that then lead to loads of pent up anger coming out in the form of spiteful stuff said.. It ended with me saying I don't think things were going to work, he broke down crying saying he didn't want to loose his children and I reassured him that I'd never be that malicious and keep them from him and that if he was only worried about that then he obviously didn't feel that strongly about me! 😶 anyway I basically ended up giving in and acted like everything was fine as usual but I know deep down that it's not and nothing will change, am I stupid for carrying this on knowing nothing will change?! He is an amazing dad and partner in every other sense but I've started to resent him so much for the above reasons.. if you made it to the end of this post then thanks for listening, from a very worn down mumma 💜 please tell me AIBU for wanting to leave?!

Sounds like he's staying for the kids. He doesn't want to marry you, if he did he'd have asked by now, especially knowing how you feel about it. He doesn't want to have sex with you, which clearly indicates something is wrong and he isn't happy. His reply to you saying about breaking up being solely that he doesn't want to lose his children, just confirms beyond all doubt he isn't in this relationship because he wants to be with you, but because he doesn't want to only see his kids part time like eow. You need to ask him very seriously, if he'd still be with you if there hypothetically weren't any children involved. Sadly i strongly suspect his answer would be no. This "relationship" isn't fair on any of you, you both deserve to be with people you love and want to be with and who fulfill your needs, and the kids deserve happy parents, which from the sounds of it, neither of you are.

You only have one life, OP. Is this really how you want to spend it?

That's the stupid thing, I've asked him if he would still be with me and he said yes. He tells me he still loves me and that he doesn't know what's wrong with himself, there's always an excuse for not trying it on or being intimate.. he's tired, we didn't get into bed until late ect ect.. boring 🙄 I picked up on all the household chores, made sure the house was spotless, dinner cooked, got the kids to bed and still no attempt from him to try to fix things, he also told me he wants to marry me but there are always excuses yet again.. if anything the promise of a proposal hurts even more when you've waited for so long, being excited about upcoming birthdays qnd holidays and they just pass along with nothing. It just hurts so much as I genuinely feel like he's the love of my life but it takes two to fix something that's broken and he won't make any attempts to fix it! Im 26 years old and feel like an ugly unwated 50 year old 🤷‍♀️ I have come to a breaking point though, I've given him so many "one last chances" that I'd be stupid and naive to think this one will make a difference. I've spoken to my mum about it (not an easy topic) and always get "but look how far you've come, you have a lovely house and two beautiful babies together" as if I should just be grateful for what I have.. obviously I am but can't stand the thought of spending the next 50 years like this 😂

It really isn't 😔 just need to come to terms with the fact it's done and get all my ducks in a row

Sorry @AlmostAJillSandwich @NumberTheory forgot to tag you 🤦‍♀️