Is this normal-discipline or understanding?

[Garfieldonthebox]

Dd, recently turned 4, not sure if her meltdowns are normal. We’ve just been at the park/playground and she was quite happily playing with a younger girl, the younger girl was a little full on but very sweet. She ended up hurting Dd by accident on the see saw, complete accident, but Dd was quite hurt. We sat with her on the bench and she was crying loudly and shouting when the girl tried to come over to say sorry. We just couldn’t calm her down, we were explaining the girl wanted to say sorry and give her a cuddle etc, but she was shouting no and kicking her foot out.
We could see she was also tired so said we were going to leave now, to go and get lunch/get out of the sun etc. She then kicked off at this too, shouting ‘No!’ and trying to kick and hit us. This carried on until we got her to the car and managed to bundle her in. In the car she was screaming, it was just such a nightmare.
We ended up really cross with her and she was screaming and shouting how she didn’t want to go home/didn’t want the air con on etc.
Just another ruined. Do we need to be stricter, is there something else going on or is this normal behaviour? What would you have done?

Feel like we can’t go anywhere or enjoy a nice day and look around at others having fun. Where are we going wrong?

*Just another day ruined

I am not sure of the whole picture but I would say that personally I wouldn't have asked her to accept a cuddle off this girl. She's very young and all she knew was that this girl had hurt her quite a lot.

The only other thing I can say is tiredness can make them absolute nightmares. You say it's another ruined day - do you think maybe you try to fit too much into a day for her and she gets over tired? Just an idea.

@Chamomileteaplease Yes we only said to her once the girl was coming for a cuddle/to say sorry, we accepted she might not want to hug etc and that’s ok, but she kept shouting at the girl and trying to kick out.
Tiredness could be the reason…maybe? But for around a year she’s acted like this more and more, she was fine when younger, no terrible twos..it started around 3.
We went for a short bike ride at this park and on the play equipment and were in yesterday as it rained, hence the trying to get out for a short while today.
It’s just the extreme I guess, she gets v angry and it’s so hard to calm her down

The thing is, I don’t know if we such discipline more or if there’s issues…and then I feel guilty telling her off

Seems normal for 4. We are chilled but no means no type parents nd we enforce boundaries firmly. When DS gets on one we could give him exactly what he wants and he would still shout at us for it being wrong. Its tedious. But it will pass. Hopefully!

Is say pretty normal. Also in this heat a lot of adults are tired and grumpy but as adults we can control our emotions, whereas a young child can't. She's probably hot and bothered and it all got a bit much.

For leaving activities we used to do the 10 minutes 5 minutes 2 minutes 1 min time to go HI FIVE (this took some training and we deployed the Underarm Rugby Ball style of carrying to avoid being kicked overly, a few times) This means the child can accept that playtime is over without a cliff edge between playing and home time if you see what I mean.

I would have discouraged the other child from coming anywhere near, once the tears had set in - it is okay to accept apology on your child's behalf if you can see an escalation is coming!

@FlibbertyGiblets I know 😩we were sort of hoping her parents would do more to encourage her to go as it was making it so much worse. We did say to go and it was fine

I don’t think it’s a case of disciplining or making a fuss of her.
I would be bright and breezy but firm. “Yes we know you are sad but we will have to go know because you can’t stop shouting/kicking”.
Then exit fast.
When you get home and she’s calm remind her that you had to leave early and she missed some fun, and explain why - just very matter of fact.
If this sort of scene happens at home, explain that she needs to be in her room for a little while until she can stop shouting and trying to hurt people.

Very typical behaviour- lack of emotional regulation. Distraction may have worked- a drink, a walk, on dads shoulders for her poorly leg, an ice lolly, a cuddle or a story.
she’s emotional not naughty.

Apparently age 4 children go through a bit of boundary pushing phase. At least that’s what I’ve heard/what I’m clinging to through all the meltdowns I’ve experienced this summer

I found age 4 the toughest of all with both of mine - way, way harder work than the teenage years.

It passes. Just stay calm, keep boundaries and use preventive measures like keeping it short, anticipating tiredness and hunger and managing expectations ahead of time.

@vaingina I feel so guilty, never seem to get it right at the moment

All I can say is I hope it's normal. We have similar with ds not kicking but the shouting and crying definitely. He's also 4. We didn't have terrible 2s but then I think it's also worth remembering we entered lockdown literally the week after ds turned 2 so let's be honest he didn't have to socialise, go shopping, play at the park, had parents at home all day every day etc for a good year/18months before life even started to return to "normal" and really for us this is the first summer we have got back to doing everything we did pre pandemic as his baby sister was also born last summer

I think you're looking at it as if your DD was rude or unsympathetic to how the other girl felt. But 4 year olds don't feel like that to people who hurt them, especially when tired, hot, etc. She probably thought you were being nice to the girl who hurt her!

Seems quite normal to me, unless there are other things she does that you are concerned about?

They don’t give you a manual when you bring the baby home from hospital! Sometimes you only find the right way when you’ve done it the wrong way.Don’t take it personally, she’s not doing it to annoy you ( tho it is very annoying)