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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grooming on a train

23 replies

folly115 · 14/08/2022 15:32

I've had a horrible feeling all day about something I think I witnessed on a train yesterday.

There was an 18 year old boy on the train from Germany and he had been to London for the day. He was already on the train when I got on. At the next stop an older gentleman got on the train and there were lots of empty seats and he sat next to this foreign boy and started chatting. I thought it was a lady because this person had a high voice and there were very well spoken. On closer inspection I realised it was a man. They were chatting away which was lovely but something didn't sit right with me and I wish I had said something.

3 mins before the train came into the station where we were all getting off, previously he asked the boy where he was getting off and he said he was getting off at the station too, the older man said he was going to the toilet and he said to this boy that he should come too and then they can get off further down the train. When the train stopped at the station the toilet was busy and the boy and the man didn't get off (only a small station) - I keep thinking did he take the young lad into the toilet and make him miss his stop deliberately.

I wish I had said something to the boy but it could just have been innocent. My DH says I am totally over thinking things. AIBU to think this could have been a case of grooming/ sexual assault or am I just completely overthinking?

OP posts:
Revolvingwhore · 14/08/2022 15:34

Is it grooming when he's an adult?

Pinkflipflop85 · 14/08/2022 15:37

Grooming is building a relationship and trust over a sustained period of time, not on a short train journey.

BlueWhaleBay · 14/08/2022 15:52

It doesn’t sound great but im
not sure you could have done anything.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 14/08/2022 15:54

I'm keen to know more about this Germany to London cross border rail route.

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 15:54

Firstly this isn't grooming

Secondly there could be a host of reasons for this

Maybe they had arranged to meet on the train for sex

LampLighter414 · 14/08/2022 15:59

Lol

TeapotTitties · 14/08/2022 16:04

They might've arranged to have sex with each other on Tinder or similar.

Or they might not. Obviously you'll never know.

IDespairOfTheHùmanRace · 14/08/2022 16:09

I thought most train services were not running yesterday?

How can you be so specific about the young man's nationality and age, unless he is known to you?

Polimolly · 14/08/2022 16:13

There was a train strike yesterday and this young man, you and the older man decided to go to London by train? How did you manage?

Original poster
folly115 · 14/08/2022 16:19

In my area most trains were running without a problem, not all train companies were striking like last time.

The older man was asking the young lad all about himself - where he had been? His nationality, where he was staying etc so I don't think they were known to each other. I was liteally sat opposite so I could hear everything. The carriage I was in wasn't particularly busy so there was a good variety of seats to choose from.

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 14/08/2022 16:27

Were they both in the train toilet together when they missed the stop? Did you see them go into the toilet together?

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 16:28

folly115 · 14/08/2022 16:19

In my area most trains were running without a problem, not all train companies were striking like last time.

The older man was asking the young lad all about himself - where he had been? His nationality, where he was staying etc so I don't think they were known to each other. I was liteally sat opposite so I could hear everything. The carriage I was in wasn't particularly busy so there was a good variety of seats to choose from.

You don't have to be known to one and other to arrange to meet on a train for sex

Sunnyqueen · 14/08/2022 16:31

Well no that's not what grooming is. If he's 18 he's an adult and while a bit pervy of the older man if the younger guy consents to having sex with this man then no crime has been committed.

Pinkdelight3 · 14/08/2022 16:31

Dunno about grooming, but he might have been picking him up. What makes you think the 18yo did anything against his will?

Original poster
folly115 · 14/08/2022 16:32

FionnulaTheCooler · 14/08/2022 16:27

Were they both in the train toilet together when they missed the stop? Did you see them go into the toilet together?

I didn't see them go in the toilet together but as far as I could see neither got off the train - it is a small station where only about 4 people got off. I know it is none of my business but if you were coming up to your destination wouldn't you wait until you got off the train to go to the toilet. It just didn't sit right with me.

OP posts:
Pinkdelight3 · 14/08/2022 16:34

Your use of 'foreign boy', 'grooming' and 'older gentleman' makes it seem worse than, say, an older man chatting up a younger man.

Original poster
folly115 · 14/08/2022 16:35

Pinkdelight3 · 14/08/2022 16:31

Dunno about grooming, but he might have been picking him up. What makes you think the 18yo did anything against his will?

He just seemed a bit nervy when talking to him and as if he was just answering his questions to be polite. Like you say he is an adult as he told the man he is 18 so I know there is nothing I can do and it is perfectly legal - the young lad just looked and seemed so vulnerable and as a mum of teenagers it just hit a nerve with me.

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 14/08/2022 16:35

I don't think its grooming but if I thought people were using the public toilet on the train for sex I'd probably have a quiet word with the train guard/ticket inspector. Its a bit grim for whoever has to use it after them. Can't imagine wanting to do that in a train toilet anyway though, I've never been in one that wasn't minging.

Twawmyarse · 14/08/2022 16:39

Sometimes you get that raised awareness feeling for a reason - I would maybe have just said "are you ok?" to the lad to give him a get out if he was uncomfortable.

But 18 isn't a child and I'm sure he would have more sense than to follow a strange and rather creepy old man into a toilet?

Whataretheodds · 14/08/2022 16:46

I think you're getting a hard time here. If it were an 18 year old woman in your OP i suspect the answers would be different

TeapotTitties · 14/08/2022 16:48

Whataretheodds · 14/08/2022 16:46

I think you're getting a hard time here. If it were an 18 year old woman in your OP i suspect the answers would be different

The answers would also be different if it was an 18 year old octopus.

What's your point?

Rewis · 14/08/2022 16:53

I wouldn't call it grooming but its a bit iffy. Was the older man threatening in some way that the young man would have been too scared to say no to going bathroom together? Based in the information it sounds like the young man could have just said no and to take off if he didn't want to?

SirGawain · 14/08/2022 16:55

Pinkflipflop85 · 14/08/2022 15:37

Grooming is building a relationship and trust over a sustained period of time, not on a short train journey.

It doesn't matter whether it is grooming by the strict definition. I could clearly be very serious abuse.

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