Is this my life forever?

[Mum233]

i have severe health anxiety. Have tried everything for it. All the medications, cbt and counselling. Nothing has worked long term apart from one drug. I was doing well on this drug and then had a blip and GP increased it to a larger dose. I’ve had a few really good months. Actually enjoying myself and feeling positive. The last few days I’ve had the familiar feeling of dread and then started worrying again. I seem compelled to read sad stories. I can’t just scroll past them. I read a Facebook post on a family group about a baby having cancer. I became quickly obsessed. Looking at the pictures of what the parents noticed and checking my own children for the same symptoms. Convinced something awful will happen to my own children.

is this is now? Is my life always going to be
like this? I was doing so well! Even on this huge dose I still panic like this. Please tell me how I can sort this.

I had severe health anxiety for years. Medications didn't work on me for it, I had a year of counselling which did help quite a bit. The only thing that made enough of a difference that I no longer feel like I'm no longer clinically mentally ill, is when I had my daughter. I think that must have been a hormonal change that did it because the cloud just lifted once she was born, and the only time it felt like it was coming back was when I was briefly on Cerazette. My point being, I might be in a similar situation to you in that a chemical change has really brought the anxiety under control, but we still get 'blips'.
I get a compulsion to read sad stories too, and obsessions with particular things I've read about. I remember one time I was reading the gofundme page of a child with leukaemia, and then I became obsessed with blemishes on my daughter's skin. I also remember an incident recently where I became convinced the pores on the skin of one breast were bigger than the pores on the other breast and were therefore 'orange peel skin' that is a symptom of breast cancer. It was lucky I was working from home because I was looking down my top every 5 minutes trying to catch the light in different ways. I think the difference between what I experience now and what I did a few years ago is that these episodes go away after a day or two, whereas before I could go weeks at a time worrying about the exact same thing at all hours of the day, without a single break, even when I was laughing or chatting normally I would be worrying about that thing in the background. These days I get the odd worry that takes over my brain, but I recognise what it is, I know it's a worry episode, and I know it's horrible but I know it will be gone tomorrow or the next day. And I just accept that I won't be 100% present that day, and look forward to it passing.
In that sense I will always consider myself to have health anxiety, in the same way that an alcoholic might always describe themselves as an alcoholic even if they've been sober for years. I'll always be prone to episodes of irrational worry. Maybe you will be too and you'll never be 100% free from anxiety but that's okay, I feel like if I wasn't prone to worry like that I wouldn't be the same person!
It's good that you've found a medication that works for you. I hope that you find your bouts of panic get fewer and further apart and you have many brighter days to come xxx

Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it. Thank you xx