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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to time the decision on trying for a baby?

4 replies

Konstantine8364 · 14/08/2022 13:21

I've been with my boyfriend since January, I'm 34 and he's 35. He's a lovely man and we're very happy. First serious relationship either of us have had for a while. He definitely wants children and I think I do too, but I'm not 100%. We're both financially comfortable, good jobs on about 55k each and we own a house each (both mortgaged but good equity). He works away during the week, so his is rented out and he stays at mine most weekends/during time off.

From a fertility point of view, if we are going to try for a baby I think we probably need to crack on after we've been together 18 months or so (as long as we're still happy obviously!). But is that completely unreasonable when I haven't actually known him that long?! From a life perspective I would have wanted to be with a partner at least 2/3 years, have bought house together, have a nice wedding and be married before trying for children. But realistically if we did all of this I would be 37/38 when we started trying which seems like a big risk if I will get pregnant or not.

I wish I'd met him when we were late 20s, would make things a lot easier! Would be interested to hear people's perspectives and whether you took the plunge and tried earlier or waited and how it worked out for you.

OP posts:
sugarspiceplumfairy · 14/08/2022 13:22

so he lives at yours and rents his house, does he pay towards your bills etc?

you haven’t been together very long but each to there own

itsmytrain · 14/08/2022 13:26

I don’t think 37 is too late at all, but I will admit I was 39 when I met DH. We met in November, I got pregnant in March, moved in that autumn, had our DD in December.

We’re now married, bought a house together, built a life together.

Its worked.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/08/2022 13:29

It's way too soon to think about having a baby. You haven't really spent all that much time together. Weekends and occasional time off isn't like getting to know someone day in and day out, so I'd be concerned that you're still very much in a honeymoon phase of your relationship. Being Mr. Wonderful isn't hard for two days a week.

If I were you, I would want to be married before a baby was even considered.

Sarahcoggles · 14/08/2022 13:39

It depends on your priorities. Both options have risks.
You could have a baby and realise you're not compatible and split up.
Or you could stay together and end up leaving it too long, then not be able to get pregnant.

It just depends on which of those scenarios is more bearable.

Of course it could all work our perfectly!

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