Wibu to wear plimsoles to a funeral?

[GrumpyLovegood]

Funeral for a friend who has been very close at times over many years. I caught up with her a few times while she was ill and visited her at home a couple of weeks before she died. She was young and incredibly popular and loved; I would say I am not among her closest closest friends, but not far off.
It is at a crem and then a local hotel.
I have a simple black dress, covers shoulders, knee length, feels right. But what to wear on my feet? And her family have advised “wear as much colour as you are comfortable with”. I don’t have any other dresses that aren’t super casual.
I am thinking of wearing black converse style pumps (clean, new). I never wear heels and own none. The other option is yellow pumps (trainer style) for a bit of colour, but they feel too casual. I have a pair of smart black sandals but they are open toe, is that ok? Or I have brown suede slip on shoes with a closed toe that might work?
And is it ok to wear bare legs? It is to be 30degrees.
For colour I think I will wear a pink vest/cami under my dress which will be visible at my bust.
I am 46 if it matters.
I feel a bit ignorant of funeral etiquette.

In these circumstances, anything OP suggested sounds appropriate.

Unless someone specifically says they want dark/sombre black clothes, you can wear anything to a funeral which is decent. I would say no flipflops, no strappy tops and no cleavage showing. Other than that, anything goes really.

Sandals or plimsolls are fine. Wear what will be comfortable, you can't respect the deceased if you have sore feet. The shoes sound fine if they are comfortable.

I would wear black if the mourners had asked for colour if black was all I had in something appropriate, but you can always wear a coloured scarf or indeed shoes or bag to brighten things up. I certainly wouldn't go out and buy something specific for a funeral.

erikbloodaxe
Bare legs at a funeral just seems wrong.

Why? No one will care. Just go and show your respects - sorry for your loss.

What sort of person would think there was significance or ask if there was significance to what colour someone was wearing to an event??

These attitudes are from the (illogical) dark ages

Not unless there are extenuating circumstances like a swollen ankle. Otherwise close toe shoes.

…close toed…

@bellac11 I was specifically imagining a black dress with bright yellow shoes. If I saw an outfit like that being worn at a funeral I would assume it held some significant meaning for the wearer and the deceased, with a lovely or moving story behind it. And if I knew the wearer I might well ask them.

Yellow dress and black shoes I wouldn't have a problem with, I'd just assume the wearer's summer shoes have died

(and it's moved on now the op has found an even better choice, but I stand by my comment that plimsolls are better than sandals)

I have no idea why you would assume that, makes no sense to me

I usually wear black with coloured shoes (day to day, not funerals, although it would be the same at a funeral too)

I can’t understand this attitude. How old are you? 120?!

I had barelegs at my nanas funeral! It was boiling! I wore a below the knee black polka dot dress.

There is no issue with bare legs at a funeral. That's just ridiculous.

I wouldn't assume any funeral these days is expected to be all back and as this one clearly isn't and they've requested colour then the formal or not style of anyone's shoes doesn't matter either.

Wear whatever you will be most comfortable in.

I do find it a bit odd though that you are concerned about general funeral etiquette (bare legs) rather than not fulfilling the specific request for this funeral of wearing colour by choosing a black dress.

Unless someone specifically says they want dark/sombre black clothes, you can wear anything to a funeral which is decent. I would say no flipflops, no strappy tops and no cleavage showing. Other than that, anything goes really.

Really? The standard is black/sober cours and formal/modest. (my very traditonal grandmother wore a grey suit to my grandfather's funeral in a heatwave). If the family specify something else that's fine, but it is not standard to wear any old colour.

Also lots of people misreading 'as much colour as you feel comfortable with' for 'please wear bright colours'

One of my cousins wore black shorts and sandals to a funeral very recently, in the middle of that awful heatwave a few weeks back. I think she stood out less than I, sweltering in a dress and tights, did.

I thought till a couple of years ago when I went to a friend's father's funeral. He was in his 90s as were many pf the guests. I was wearing black and grey and stood out like a sore thumb. Some of the oldest guests were similarly dressed but very few and certainly not the immediate family.

If no specific instructions received for a funeral I'd hedge my bets and go for a darkish colour but not necessarily black and I absolutely wouldn't put tights on in this weather.

Oh totally agree bare legs ans sandals would be fine in this weather, but i wouldn't expect jeans or trainers at any time. That said, i wouldn't want anyone who wanted to mourn to feel excluded because they couldn't borrow or buy appropriate clothes.

Went to a funeral 2 weeks ago.
Wore smart black out with bare legs.
Was a bit worried about it but it was so hot.
It was fine.
All the ladies, bar one were bare legged.
Looked absolutely fine.

** outfit

I'm sorry for your loss, OP

For those commenting on my post 'Bare legs just seems wrong'.......

No I'm not 120 but old enough to know that a) people do notice and b) people do care.

I have attended the following funerals
Grandmother, Mother, Father, Husband, FIL x2, MIL, Aunt and 12 year old Niece all before the age of 45. Enough to be getting on with and enough to understand funeral etiquette when a lot of the mourners are older and perhaps view being respectful differently to others.

Different people have different standards.

Same, I went to one last week, wore a black wrap dress and low heeled sandals with bare legs. All the women had bare legs and I was definitely one of the smarter ones too. Not everyone was in black, there were no particular requests from the family either. OP, the grey shoes sound perfect but the sandals would be fine too.

And was anyone scandalously bare-legged at any of these funerals? Were any of them in the middle of a heatwave? If you've never gone barelegged to a funeral how would know if anyone would care if you did?

I never wear tights. I wear skirts or dresses with leggings in the winter, without in hot weather and trousers of varying weights throughout the year.

I can't imagine I'd notice anyone wearing tights or not in general but anyone wearing tights in 30 degrees if I did notice them I would think it fairly odd. Wouldn't cross my mind it was due to some bizarre notion of etiquette.

You might notice and strangely you might care but most people dont.

Its a strange and illogical thing to say 'should' happen. What do you think is reason why someone shouldnt have bare legs, what do you think is going to happen to them, to the funeral, to the other guests, to the deceased?

I went to my aunt's funeral in the last heatwave and wore flat shoes (with bare legs!), and pretty much every other woman there was wearing open toe sandals. I really don't think anyone cares that much these days. Much important to show up.

More, not much. Seriously mumsnet, edit button!!

Oh totally agree bare legs ans sandals would be fine in this weather, but i wouldn't expect jeans or trainers at any time.

I wore smart jeans to my friend's funeral. She also wanted colours and I know her husband and kids well enough to know it would be fine.

I think I did the same for my grandma's funeral as it was my family/my choice and we wanted to celebrate her life, not judge people on what they were or weren't wearing.