Tell me you're trying to scam me without telling me you're trying to scam me.

[Cuck00soup]

Yup. Totally going to click on your link.

a classic Facebook one:

”Hey girl! Long time no speak! 👋🏼💋”

No, I don’t want to join your MLM. Piss off, Scamdalf.

Make it urgent
Appeal to their good side

Most people want to do the right thing. Tell them it's being helpful and don't give people much time to think.

I had the ‘hello mum,it’s your fave child’ one
they wasted no time asking for money
i was a bit clueless to which child was asking as I have 6 dc so I asked them for their siblings names-don’t forget the 16 middle names between them and their ages
never heard back

another one was ‘hi dad,it’s your fave child’
i messaged back saying that they must have the wrong number as no matter how many times I checked,I hadn’t grown a penis so it’s impossible to be anyones dad
its ok tho!
I’ll keep checking my pants and if one does sprout,I’ll message back immediately

in the last week,I’ve had ‘apple wallet’,’online banking’,and ‘delivery’ messages

I’m quite savvy but they are getting better at what they do

No I got one last week.

Poor millionaire Uncle Ron died in a mysterious car accident in South Africa and his only living relative is..... wait for it.... ME!

Now what to buy first?

@SpinCityBlues 😂😂😂😂

I love this 🤣🤣🤣

That is going to be my standard reply from now on.

I had this one, my teen dc had great fun thinking up things to say to keep it going

Hi Hun!!! Haven't spoken to you for ages!!!!! How have you been???? ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I see you are a mum now 👶 ❤️👶❤️
Would you like to work from home for some extra money 💴 💴💴💴💴
I have a space on my team and you would be PERFECT!!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Let's catch up for a glass of fizz 🥂 🥂🥂🥂 and I can tell you ALL about it!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Mandy I haven't spoken to you since we left school 22 years ago. FUCK. OFF!

Kevin the evri delivery missed me. Follow link to rearrange delivery and supply your full name, address,date of birth et

I do often think that if these people ever get a grip on English spelling and grammar, I may be screwed

I once asked my 4 year old son to explain to the man on the phone how we knew he was lying about grandma’s computer (which he claimed, quite belligerently, had been hacked by bad guys). Son said into the phone, “Grandma doesn’t have a ‘puter”

Change your email address to something like "insert name here" or "dickhead" and you get loads of scam emails reading

Good morning "insert name here" or good morning "dickhead"

I read an article years ago that said the bad spelling and grammar is on purpose because if you don’t catch it you are more likely to fall for the rest of the scam.

I have a unisex name and have signed up to a ton of discount and cashback sites so get loads of porn, viagra and dating requests. I sometimes read them out at work for the LOLs.

I get lots of calls to say I haven't paid my tax/NI/tv license and the police will be coming to see me. I got decent buscuits in especially and they've never turned up, how rude!

I don't often look in my junk mail folder, but was expecting an email from someone that had claimed to send it a few times...
Suprising number of invitations to get a penis extension.

Have African princes with dodgy English now found heirs to their vast fortunes? Or are they still looking?

I think most have now moved on to more "convincing" scams, but yes they still exist; the last one I received was only a couple of months ago

This is fun though: www.419eater.com/html/letters.htm

"Your Amazon account has been suspended, click here to reactivate it"

I've never had an Amazon account.

Am I the only person that sometimes muses that far more of these scams would be successful with a bit of fine tuning/involvement of someone with native English? I kind of judge some of the scanners for their lack of effort😂

For instance the Facebook Marketplace one where they say an item will be collected by UPS then try and get you to make a payment for insurance. They're so wooden and obviously typed by someone not fluent in English. I can't imagine it has a high conversion rate at all and I always see randoms on fb groups congratulatng themselves for identifying a scam (as if it wasn't patently bloody obvious!)

I wonder how it would go down when typed with a few 'huns' and a bit of local knowledge. Obviously more effort but far more likely to be successful. Like 'Hiya do you still have x available please?' 'Ah great, I've been wanting one for ages! I know it says collection only but is there any chance you could deliver to [place an hour away]?'. 'Aw OK, I thought it was a long shot! I'd love to take it, it's just I can't get to you because [sad story]. Let me see if I can find someone to collect for me, thank hun xx'. Then a day later, that X courier can collect etc etc.

Also the 'you've inherited' emails. No one believes they've inherited £3.5m from a random foreign relative 🙄 But less is more - change that to £14,500.00 with a shit hot official looking solicitors email and I can imagine their conversion rate would shoot up!

I actually haven’t paid my TV licence and they write about once a month to say they’ll be inspecting any day. They never have in 13 years. (I don’t need a tv licence, btw)

I don’t even answer my landline any more. It’s always for ‘Mrs Jones’. She’s a right gadabout. Absolutely never in. I’ll get rid of it once I switch mobile service back to one that has half decent service here.

Do you think they do A/B testing?

An amazing number of almost nude, foreign females want to fuck me because of my huge penis.
And a UPS truck in Texas has been unable to deliver a valuable parcel - to UK - multiple times per day.

I had one recently about being a beneficiary following the winding up of a distant relative's will trust. It was lucky I didn't delete it, however, as it turned out to be absolutely genuine. It was only a few hundred pounds, but better than nothing.

text has just come through offering me an HMRC tax refund! Just need to follow the link and put in my details (again)

I had one via FB Messenger. Someone hacked into my cousins account. First it started off innocently so thinking it was my cousin I joined in. Then he started on about some development agency offering loans, and I started getting suspicious. When he spelt a number of words in the American way, I knew and asked him how we knew each other and said I thought he was a scammer. Of course he couldn't say 'we're cousins, our dads were brothers, I'm in Ireland and you're in London '. He then left rapidly and I warned my cousin his account was hacked.