Page 2 | What makes a friendship blossom?

Original poster

Lordylord1 · 14/08/2022 12:37

sonjadog · 14/08/2022 10:52

Actually, I think lots of adults don’t know how to form and maintain friendships. And rather than sitting at home struggling with something that they can’t manage, it is great that there are forums like this one where people can come and talk about things they find difficult. Keep asking whatever questions you have, OP. There are some strange posters on here, but there are also many who want to support and help others negotiate the things in life that they find challenging,

Thank you!
yes I think im insightful enough to realise and do something about it rather than placing blame elsewhere. I think due to mental health there are times I have with drawn from friendships but that’s mostly when iv felt under appreciated or disrespected. Maybe I should learn to ignore those things or maybe I did the right thing. Who knows

OP posts:

Original poster

Lordylord1 · 14/08/2022 12:39

sonjadog · 14/08/2022 10:56

Regarding your friendships, it might be that those previous ones were too intense and that is why they ended the way they did. If you haven’t been being social, you may have dropped off people’s radar. The way to get back out there is to invite them for a coffee yourself. Don’t sit around and wait to be invited, you have to make the effort yourself. With new friends, don’t be too intense. See each other from time to time, exchange the odd message and give the relationship time to breathe and to grow.

Thanks this is helpful. I think perhaps they were friendships that were a little co dependant from both sides, to fill a void. This is something I will avoid in the future

OP posts:

theworldhasgoneinsane · 14/08/2022 13:45

sonjadog · 14/08/2022 10:52

Actually, I think lots of adults don’t know how to form and maintain friendships. And rather than sitting at home struggling with something that they can’t manage, it is great that there are forums like this one where people can come and talk about things they find difficult. Keep asking whatever questions you have, OP. There are some strange posters on here, but there are also many who want to support and help others negotiate the things in life that they find challenging,

Exactly this.
I also find that it's important to not overthink things. I have some friends who don't reply or get back to me quickly and that's fine, we're all different. Respect other peoples time and priorities

CulturePigeon · 14/08/2022 15:33

I think the key is - both sides need to make an equal contribution. They should both get something out of the friendship - relationships where one person feels sorry for the other aren't going to be sustainable long-term, however well-intentioned. Friendship, like marriage, has to have a selfish element at its core - you have to feel that there's something in it for you, not just that you are being kind and fulfilling someone else's needs.

Obviously shared interests can be important, but I would say shared values are more important than that. I wouldn't match with a tick-list of hobbies with my closest friends but we have a mutual understanding and respect, similar sense of humour (very important!) and are likely to react in the same way to eg news stories.

I'm a vegetarian, centrist politically, love classical music, art and literature and don't enjoy sport (but I am very active and do lots of walking and swimming). I don't enjoy drinking (almost teetotal, in effect), I'm a lark rather than an owl, am sociable but not gregarious and know nothing of contemporary pop music or street culture.

My closest friends all enjoy meat, love their sport and vary from Tory to Labour in their voting habits. They prefer pop music and one is big boozer who likes to party! We would never have been matched on any kind of 'dating site' but we get on like a house on fire because we value and respect each other's differences.