To be frustrated with colleague?

[AreWeNearlyThereYet84]

I have been given an opportunity to participate in a project alongside a colleague (Dave). The project isn't mandatory to our work, wouldn't bring in any money, but will build a good partnership with an external agency if we did it.

I met with Dave last week. Last meeting of a long, stressful week and Dave was late. I eventually managed to get in contact with him and then he came onto the call 20 minutes late.

It was clear he'd done zero research on the project and I basically led the meeting. He showed very little interest and to be honest, the thought of having to work with him and his lackluster approach on this project just didn't appeal, so after an hour of going round in circles, I said that I didn't feel the project was for me and that I was out. It was maybe an end-of-a-tiring-week's hasty decision, but AIBU?

Not unreasonable, in fact sounds as if you’ve done him a favour if he was dragging his feet and didn’t want to do it deep down!

I feel like I'm going to get bollocked at work for not giving more thought into taking the project on to be honest but I asked him one question and he answered me with the most random figure of the top of his head. Cannot be arsed with the less than half effort from him.

Can you proceed with someone else? Or on your own?

Be honest with your manager about your decision.

If I did proceed on my own or with someone else, Dave will want to know why I went back on my decision not to go ahead and do the project and may well even offer to join me, so it's a sticky situation.

I will certainly be honest with my manager regarding my decision.

I know the colleague who is trying to get this set up will be bemused I have turned the opportunity down, as will senior managers. I will tell my own manager the reason why (he's not around at the moment though). I just don't feel that I can go to anyone other than my manager and tell them the reason I turned it down was because Dave is lazy and wasn't backing down on an element that he wanted in the project which would've added extra working hours and also cost £££'s. When I told Dave that I didn't think that was going to work seeing as we were getting no money for this, just the opportunity to build a great link, he was having none of it. I can't work collaboratively with someone like that but now I am thinking that perhaps I should've been more assertive. I was assertive anyway, but I was also very, very tired.

Hi everyone, this is still preying on my mind. How do I get myself reinvolved (possibly with someone else), without Dave wanting to join the project with his wildly unrealistic expectations of it? Also how do I make it clear to management and the colleague that offered the opportunity (and has expectations we'll be on board) that I opted out because of Dave without making it sound like i'm just slagging him off?

You just need to keep it strictly factual, and site specific behaviours or statements that have made you hesitant to go forward with a working relationship with him. Avoid using pejorative words like "lazy" or making any inference about his character.

Telling the truth in a factual sense is not the same as slagging him off. You're under no obligation to lie for the man if his behaviour is impacting work projects.

Thank you for your advice @WhoWants2Know . I am still really keen to be involved with the project, just not with him!

What @WhoWants2Know said. Honest, factual feedback with no emotive words or judgement. You’ve made the right call. Dave sounds crap.