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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? Approached by a lady who'd had a dv partner

32 replies

iPreferBooks · 13/08/2022 19:47

I am visiting London for a few days by myself, and today seem to havè been a beggar magnet (for lack of a better term).

Well i sat down to take a drink at a bench and was approached by x2 girls from Bulgaria. One 'implied' her sister was pregnant and hadnt eaten all day and were asking for £5 (whilst holding what looked like visa debit cards, so i chatted to them for a bit and then made my escape (seemed nice but dodgy af) without giving them any cash or nothing.

The second interaction I had just now was this lady who approached me seemed to be a bit upset and looked like she'd had a rough day.

She asked me to help put her jumper back on which looking back seemed a bit odd bc of course it is 32° bloody degrees and boiling. Said jumper looked a bit messy. She said to me noone was taking her seriously and needed £8. I only had £4 cash on me so I gave her that because out of all the beggars I'd seen that day she seemed quite upset.

Like i know of course you're not meant to give money to anyone bc of being street safe and all that but that one just seems genuine compared to the first interaction 🤔🤷‍♀️

I have anxiety and now I'm starting to really overthink this. What else was i supposed to have done :(

I had alarm bells for the first pair and thinking about people who've asked approached me in other places didn't seem as upset as this person.

Was i being unreasonable by only giving £4? I don't carry cash generally anyway but that was my just in case cash.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 13/08/2022 19:49

You got conned. Next time, don't get sucked into their sob stories.

sst1234 · 13/08/2022 19:50

These people are professional. They are scamming the general public. Always either feeding a habit or part of organized gangs. Never, ever give them cash. Ever.

Janedoe82 · 13/08/2022 19:53

I would have engaged in conversation and if vulnerable phoned the police.

Hotseatpants · 13/08/2022 19:56

I know it’s horrible when you are confronted, but by giving money you’re effectively supporting people trafficking and organised crime. Just ignore or walk away.

Original poster
iPreferBooks · 13/08/2022 19:56

Ffs. Great :(
Do you just turn start walking quickly away if they approach?

OP posts:
1smallhamsterfoot · 13/08/2022 19:57

Just repeat no thank you

sst1234 · 13/08/2022 19:57

No, you just ignore. Or a cold hard stare for about 2 seconds and a stern head shake works well.

Decompressingmama3 · 13/08/2022 19:58

Sorry but I think you were conned. I was filling up at a petrol station once and a lady came over to me, dishevelled with a back pack and crying her eyes out.. She asked me for a lift to an address.. I politely told her I was going an opposite direction to her with my little one.. But alerted the petrol station staff to the distressed lady. A man behind me in the queue started laughing and said she's notorious for doing this and often goes to the pub he drinks in and tries to chat to him and his mates and constantly asks for money for a drug habit. Don't believe everything at face value OP

Soubriquet · 13/08/2022 19:59

It’s hard but you must walk away. They prey on you feeling sorry for them.

Yes occasionally there might be someone who genuinely needed help, but 99.9% of the time, it’s a scam.

ouch321 · 13/08/2022 20:01

They may or may not have been in genuine distress and may or may not have been a con artist.

No one here can tell you.

itwasntmetho · 13/08/2022 20:01

Say you don't carry cash.

sst1234 · 13/08/2022 20:03

ouch321 · 13/08/2022 20:01

They may or may not have been in genuine distress and may or may not have been a con artist.

No one here can tell you.

I think they can. If you believe these con artists, you’ll believe anything.

Original poster
iPreferBooks · 13/08/2022 20:05

Do you think I should log it with 101?

OP posts:
Original poster
iPreferBooks · 13/08/2022 20:05

Thanks for all the responses btw

OP posts:
Janedoe82 · 13/08/2022 20:07

You could phone 101 if you think they are a risk to themselves and police will check out

AnnaMagnani · 13/08/2022 20:09

Never make eye contact, just keep saying 'No Thank-you'. If necessary just get up and walk away.

The numbers have grown in London as there are more people from cultures where it is normal to give to beggars, Park Lane is full of them targetting Arab tourists.

If you want to help street homelessness, give to a homeless charity.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/08/2022 20:10

Give them money or don't, you'll never know for certain who is genuinely in need, who has alternative options, who will spend it on drugs or drink...

They won't stop just because you don't give them money though, so don't kid yourself that by not doing you've somehow 'won' or achieved some moral high ground, their problems run FAR far deeper than having a few quid or not.

If i have it to give, which I generally don't, I say 'stop the fiction, I have a few quid spare here you go' and if I don't I say im sorry but I can't help.

I will say, not everyone is conning you and if they are... they're still definitely leading a shittier life than you.

StoneofDestiny · 13/08/2022 20:15

I don't give directly to people begging on the street because it's difficult to assess who is in genuine need and no amount random people can give on an average day out will come close to meeting a real need. I recommend giving directly to charities catering for the homeless - Crisis is a good one, or Shelter. They will be able to put even small amounts to good use to help those in need.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 13/08/2022 20:16

During this economic climate, gangs are grooming people to 'cash in' on the situation.
We are all very aware that many families are really struggling right now, but there are cultures that rely on begging and have adapted to the current situation.

You were very kind to have donated but you donated because you felt guilty or intimidated.
That's what they do.

Original poster
iPreferBooks · 13/08/2022 20:19

Can't believe i did it now 🤦‍♀️
Normally I don't ever, suppose the first situation must have lowered my guard.

Lesson learned.

OP posts:
Jellybean23 · 13/08/2022 20:22

The police around here make appeals for the public not to give to beggars. I think it's illegal to beg

Georgeskitchen · 13/08/2022 20:22

Stop overthinking. You lost £4. If they are genuinely desperate there are charities who will help them.

MrsSchrute · 13/08/2022 20:25

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/08/2022 20:10

Give them money or don't, you'll never know for certain who is genuinely in need, who has alternative options, who will spend it on drugs or drink...

They won't stop just because you don't give them money though, so don't kid yourself that by not doing you've somehow 'won' or achieved some moral high ground, their problems run FAR far deeper than having a few quid or not.

If i have it to give, which I generally don't, I say 'stop the fiction, I have a few quid spare here you go' and if I don't I say im sorry but I can't help.

I will say, not everyone is conning you and if they are... they're still definitely leading a shittier life than you.

Exactly this! Well said!

pasturesgreen · 13/08/2022 20:26

Don't beat yourself up, OP. What's done is done, and you've learned a valuable lesson for only £4, could have been worse. Just go on with the rest of your visit and don't overthink a single episode.

senua · 13/08/2022 20:28

She asked me to help put her jumper back on which looking back seemed a bit odd bc of course it is 32° bloody degrees and boiling.
This sounds like pickpocket distraction. Have you still got everything?