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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this woman interested?

18 replies

stayhumbled · 13/08/2022 19:12

I'm a man and have came across this sight when looking for various advice the past couple of years. Me and my partner of ten years split up around 18 months ago.

Around 3 months ago I met a woman on a dating site and having been speaking with her since. However she's blowing really hot and cold and at this point I'm not sure if she's interested.

She was very responsive when we first started speaking, but now I will message her wishing her a good day or asking her how she is and she often won't reply for a couple of days until I message her again asking her what she has been up to.

Now usually that would be enough for me to think she is not interested, but every few weeks she will be really chatty, funny and responsive again for a day or two, but then she will go back to hardly responding. Or when she does respond it's very lukewarm responses.

I give up and she then becomes responsive again for a day or two like clock work.

I really like her, she intrigues me. I know she's busy, she is a single mum doing her masters and working etc but she's very independent and that's what's drawn me to her. I think the more she doesn't talk to me the more I like her and want to talk.

If she's not interested why the sudden change in communication every few weeks? And what have I done that would make her keen at the start to not bothered?

Thank you

OP posts:
StreetwiseHercules · 13/08/2022 19:14

Just leave it.

HangOnToYourself · 13/08/2022 19:20

I think the more she doesn't talk to me the more I like her and want to talk.

Sigh 🙄

AsanteSana · 13/08/2022 19:22

Nah mate, she is probably just being polite, but isn't interested. And it sounds as though she has a busy life, keeping all the plates spinning.

Who can say what you have 'done' to change her attitude from 'keen' to 'not bothered?

Move on

Loics · 13/08/2022 19:24

It sounds like she's being polite. You don't have to have done anything, you're maybe just not exactly what she's looking for, and nothing you do is going to change that.

WaitingForWinter1 · 13/08/2022 19:24

She wants your attention when she's lonely/bored. Leave it, look for someone else.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 13/08/2022 19:27

HangOnToYourself · 13/08/2022 19:20

I think the more she doesn't talk to me the more I like her and want to talk.

Sigh 🙄

Yeah this isn’t ideal tbh. It’s like you’re setting yourself up for heartache.

FWIW I could be her - I met someone a few months ago too. We chatted loads online, made each other laugh but when we met in person there wasn’t a spark. He seemed like a lovely guy but I couldn’t see myself wanting to kiss him etc.

If he messages I will reply (unless I’m working etc) and sometimes I will check in as I don’t want him to feel it’s all one sided - I do enjoy talking to him and have been out for a couple of meals etc so I’m not ruling out that it could develop into something more in time. But for now, I’m not feeling it. So if someone comes along who sweeps me off my feet then I guess I will cut contact with this other guy. Until then, I’m happy to keep meeting up and chatting to see what happens. I have been up front and honest so he knows where I stand, told him I didn’t feel a spark but I like talking to him and happy to see where it goes. That’s all I can do.

alwaysmovingforwards · 13/08/2022 19:30

If you like her then suggest a date. If she likes you she'll want to spend time with you, if she's stringing you along she won't commit (or will but then bail at short notice).

Then you'll know.

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 13/08/2022 19:31

It’s called breadcrumbing.

stayhumbled · 13/08/2022 19:39

I would think she's not interested but it's the messages every few weeks. Showing a keen interest/flirting/making lots of conversation that is throwing me off.

OP posts:
Ravenclawdropout · 13/08/2022 19:47

Have you actually met in person?

goldenbag · 13/08/2022 19:48

No sorry

stayhumbled · 13/08/2022 19:49

Ravenclawdropout · 13/08/2022 19:47

Have you actually met in person?

No we haven't

OP posts:
AardvarkLaughs · 13/08/2022 20:40

stayhumbled · 13/08/2022 19:49

No we haven't

Do you ask to meet? Maybe she’s friendly for a few days, you don’t suggest a meeting and she gets bored thinking you’re messing her around and backs off?

Decompressingmama3 · 13/08/2022 20:49

She's probably chatting to more men than just you.

loopycurtains · 13/08/2022 23:11

But why haven't you met? I've done online dating and wouldn't still be chatting online if the man didn't want to meet after a couple of weeks.

Ace56 · 13/08/2022 23:44

Agree it’s weird you haven’t met. Why haven’t you initiated this? No one just wants a penpal if they’re online dating, or rather if they do, they’re just bored and like chatting to people to pass the time, not to form a meaningful connection with someone.

FabFitFifties · 14/08/2022 05:55

She is likely chatting to/dating other men, and keeping you stringing along. Google breadcrumbing

Winterblueone · 19/12/2022 09:13

Ask to meet.

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